On Minimalism and Consumerism

My life has changed so much since becoming a mom. While that is probably the most obvious statement of the century, a lot of the changes were unexpected and completely surprising. I've become stronger, physically, emotionally, and mentally than I ever thought possible. I have become a lot more confident and now stand up for myself and my family in situations I otherwise would not have for fear of being called "picky" or "particular". And I have become a beginner minimalist. I say beginner because I have only just begun my journey of decluttering my life. I am so excited to share my thoughts on this subject!

I used to be such a consumer. I was an advertising agencies main audience. I would soak up whatever was trendy and desire to own it. Once I got whatever it was, I typically wouldn't use it as much as I thought I would and it would collect with my other "needs". Thinking back to my middle school self at the height of my materialism, I had so many things, but I didn't like it. I felt chaos when I went into my room, overwhelmed by things. However, I could never get rid of them. Reason 1) What if I need this someday. Maybe one day I will fix my Tamagotchi and it will be fun and trendy or worth something eventually (I wish). Reason 2) This is way too sentimental for me to ever not own. Reason 3) I wanted this so badly, so I'm just going to hang on to it because I must have wanted it for a reason. I cringe when I think of everything I could've gotten rid of. When I moved out, I got rid of a lot, but tried to hold on to everything I could. I would frequently go through things and get rid of little by little, but it wasn't until I had a baby that I realized it is impractical to hang on to a lot of things, my materialism has shattered as I've found more joy in Jesus, my husband and baby, and my church, in that order. 

I think a practical approach to view this change would be to discuss my change in interior decor. When I was in high school, I was very impressionable. I was on the cheer squad, so I had bows and long everywhere, including all over my room and walls. Posters of the Jonas Brothers were carefully hung as wallpaper. In high school, gone were the JB posters. In their place were picture frames and brand name store bags (what even!). When I got married and moved out, I embraced the South (still impressionable) and attempted the rustic look for a year and a half. Eventually I "found myself" and realized I was an eclectic bohemian gal. Our apartment was carefully curated with deep, rich tones and carefully selected pieces. When we brought Daxton home to this environment, I realized I couldn't handle the apartment the way it was. I felt like it was constantly in disarray with the dark colors making the space seem smaller. The baby gear quickly overwhelmed the space and I knew I needed a change or my anxiety would never cease. I would scroll my Instagram and spend a bit of time on profiles I found peaceful. They were scattered with whites, neutrals, wood, and beautiful greenery. I would feel calm even looking at these pictures and realized I needed to quickly bring that into my life in order to finally get a hold on motherhood or I would always be the frazzled mom who never had anything done on time. I now identify my interior style as modern bohemian. I had a real come to Jesus with my closet, my living room, and my makeup/toiletries under my sink (you know how that stuff collects!). I went through our DVD's, linen closet, hubby's closet, Daxton's closet, Daxton's toys, under our bed shenanigans (how is there SO MUCH stuff?) and was so proud at how much went to Goodwill. This was a process that lasted a few weeks. As I got rid of 20 items, I would bring in one more. Though the consumer is still alive, she is subdued. 

NOTE: This translates into baby items and clothing. I now find myself looking for timeless clothing and few mix and match pieces. I seek neutral color items and things that serve more than one purpose. I traded our old high chair for an Ikea one because it's extremely lightweight, easy to clean, and looks so much more pleasing to the eye. This doesn't mean I won't keep toys out or need my apartment to be clear of all baby gear, I just need everything to have its' place and still have enough room to stretch.

The concept of minimalism is that you find joy in freeing yourself from consumerism and materialism. I held on to so many things I thought would bring me joy, but I always remind myself that joy comes from Jesus, happiness is of the world. I know I would rather live in joy, so I get rid of things. Hubby always says he wants to help me relax by getting rid of things. I am proud of the way I tackle this task. I had a shirt in my closet that hadn't been worn in 4 yeas, but never would be donated; it was the shirt I was wearing when Hubby proposed. It was a teal lace number with a button in the back. I can't remember the last time I wore such a bold color. I knew I was literally NEVER going to wear it, so I had to tell myself that pictures will be enough and I need to part with the shirt. The freedom that came from that motivated me to get rid of 125 items from my closet. I have a long way to go, but this is a journey about focusing on the important things in life and realizing Jesus is all I need. Jesus and coffee.

http://www.theminimalists.com/minimalism/

On Breastfeeding and the Unknown

I am currently on a month-long vacation in California visiting friends and family. Daxton and I flew out solo and are braving our first vacation just the two of us. Daxton is meeting a lot of new people and these people are interested in Daxton's routines and behaviors. After being asked about his development, particularly with food and nursing, I felt it was necessary to begin to discuss some of the myths regarding breastfeeding. I cannot believe that women have been nursing since the beginning of time, yet still do not understand the benefits and necessity of breastmilk. Note: While I do believe in the power of breastmilk, I am unfortunately all too aware of the difficulties some moms deal with when trying to breastfeed and that it is not the best option for all families, so ultimately I believe "fed is best".

1. Babies get all their nutrients from breastmilk: TRUE

Babies need nothing else apart from their mother's milk or formula to survive the first year of life. Nothing else will provide the nutrition babies need for their constantly growing and developing bodies. Breastmilk changes based on babies needs. Research (that I am too lazy to find again, but you can look it up yourself or take my word for it) has shown that a mother's milk will change when her baby is sick to help heal the baby. However, it is important that the mother eat well. Mother's should eat well no matter what, but especially when what you put into your body translates into what the baby puts in his. Take care of yourselves, ladies!

2. Baby needs water to stay hydrated: FALSE

Babies should not have water until they are 6 months, and even then they don't need it. Some pediatricians might disagree and say a little is okay at 4 months. The reason for this is baby's kidneys do not fully develop until around 6 months. Water will not be able to properly digest in the body and baby can get very sick and in some cases die from water intoxication (look it up). At 6 months, some doctors will suggest that baby can drink 1-2 ounces a day, especially if you live in a warm environment. In most cases, this is not necessary at all. Mama's breastmilk will keep baby hydrated AND full. Our bodies are mostly made up of water, so imagine all the water going to baby from mom. Don't forget to keep mamas hydrated! We need to keep our water percentage up so that we can properly feed baby! Our pediatrician did recommend to us that Daxton drinks water to help with his constipation, but that would be a circumstance in which we allow ourselves to do something we know is going to help him rather than hurt him, especially knowing he prefers to nurse anyway.

3. Baby should be eating three meals a day: FALSE

I am surprised at how many times I've said that Daxton is hungry and people ask me what he can eat. Uhh, breastmilk all the way! We are journeying through baby-led weaning, so Daxton does "eat meals" but he doesn't eat for nutrients or to fulfill his hunger. Solid food is an adventure for him and he is learning mealtimes and tastes and textures. I was also shocked at how many times I had to explain to people that Daxton doesn't eat meals, he nurses. He will nurse according to his schedule. I give him food when Stephen and I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner to teach him the concept of mealtime, but that doesn't mean he is receiving all the nutrients he needs or that it is even a healthy option. Someone asked me if Daxton ate lunch and I thought, "Well he ate a little bit of food when I ate, but I think they're asking if he was fed, so he nursed, but that wasn't the question." So I had to explain that Daxton doesn't "do lunch". He might ingest some food, but it doesn't classify as lunch, or not in the sense of fulfilling a hunger halfway through the day like adults or older children do. So no he didn't eat lunch, but also yes, he did. 

4. If baby doesn't latch to the bottle or nipple, he must not be hungry: FALSE

I don't know about other mamas, but my baby has always been EXTREMELY curious. If someone talks, he will unlatch. If the TV is on, he won't want to eat. If he knows he can be playing, he won't want to stop to eat. It is mom's job to make sure your child is properly fed. Create an environment that will be conducive to a calm and relaxed state for baby to enjoy nursing/a bottle. This might mean turning off the TV, speaking in hushed or relaxed tones, turning off a light or closing the curtains, and in our case, turning off the ceiling fan. If this doesn't work, don't force your baby to eat, but continue to offer food in the form of breastmilk or a bottle. Baby will be hungry and given the right environment, he WILL eat. 

5. Breastfeeding will happen naturally: FALSE

I cannot emphasize enough how false this is. Babies are born with the reflex to latch, therefore breast feeding will happen naturally for baby. Mamas need to be much more prepared. I was extremely unprepared. There were things I could have spent more time reading about or researching that would have make my journey so much easier, but instead I assumed it would just happen and didn't bother to spend much time on this concept. It definitely did not happen naturally for me and I had multiple anxiety attacks in the hospital. I almost gave up half a dozen times in the ensuing months, but continues to push through until I was finally able to fix the tongue tie and wean off the nipple shields t four months. Ever since, I never want to stop breastfeeding. Prego mamas, do not skim past this subject; do your research and take classes!

6. You can increase your supply: TRUE

There have been many occasions that I have felt like my supply was dwindling. I would freak out and jump online to research how to increase my supply immediately. I was not about to empty my wallet on nutrition bars designed for that purpose and did not feel like investing in a ton of ingredients that might help. There are certain foods called"galactagogues" that are rumored to help with a mother's milk supply. There are teas that combine few or many of these herbs and foods. I figured I could try that because I drink tea regularly as is. I can definitely say that helped. Another option is cutting out caffeine. After I gave birth and was super hungry and hormonal, I drank a lot of soda. I am embarrassed to admit it, but it is the truth and needs to be discussed. Once I cut it out, I found my supply increased as well. Finally, my favorite option for a supply increase is a "lactation vacation". For a period of time, typically a day, do nothing but nurse your baby. Lay in bed with baby all day and nurse as often as baby will allow. I promise you will not spoil your baby (another topic for another post). Every time you nurse, your are sending a signal to your brain to make more milk. The more you feed baby, the more you produce. Also, babies will not overeat. If they cannot handle anymore food, they will cry, letting you know they are full. If you force baby to eat, they can get sick. So follow your baby's cues and feed them as much as possible. 

7. Nursing is a wonderfully difficult reward: TRUE

As I said earlier, I never want to stop. But at the same time, I want my freedom back. I want to be able to go shoot a wedding or plan a day away without also planning times to pump and thawing breastmilk bags from the freezer. But there is literally no greater joy to experience in life than watching your child be supported from you in a way no one else can. I struggled in bonding with my baby a little at first, but nursing him completely fixed that. I get so emotional sometimes when I see how satisfied and happy Daxton is after nursing. Sometimes, it is the only thing that can calm him and help him sleep, and I don't mind one bit. Daxton has decades before him; I can spare a few months to help him receive the best nutrition he can and develop our bond even more. 

On A Day in LA with Baby Daxton

Ever since I moved from CA to NC, I kept tabs on the places that have opened or I didn't get to go to that I could visit when I am in LA. My sister always asks where I want to go and plans some days with those adventures and a few other she thinks we might enjoy. This trip is no different except that we got to plan to bring an extra little body along. Daxton spent the day yesterday going from Malibu to Westwood to Downtown to Koreatown. He loved the food at Malibu Farms Cafe, took in the sights at the Getty Villa, made some new friends, slept through an In-N-Out drive thru, attempted pictures in front of the wings, and really wanted mine and my sister's Korean food, which he didn't get. He only fussed a bit on the two hour drive to Malibu (should've been 50 minutes or less), a bit in the car here or there, and a bit on the way home. I am going to deduce that fussing was due to his front bottom teeth cutting and wanting to be out of the car on another adventure. I love that I have a little buddy to adventure with me! Thank you CC for planning such a fun day!

On Babies at the Beach

I love the beach! I grew up in Southern California and I definitely took the beach for granted. I loathed being covered in sand, hated dealing with the parking situation, despised the salt taste that got stuck in your mouth, and always felt so dirty and anxious. After being in North Carolina for 3 years, I am realizing I really miss those things. I don't have a beach 20 minutes away, but 3 hours away. I don't get to go whenever I feel like it. So I knew when I booked my flight home with Daxton, the beach was my number one priority, equal to In-N-Out. 

Sunday was my mom's birthday. We had planned to go blueberry picking, but that season was over. Then we were going to go to the flower fields, but they were out of season. We decided it was beach time. A few years ago we had gone paddle boarding as a family at a beach my sister called "Baby Powder Beach". Turns out it is actually called Baby Beach. We decided it would be the perfect beach for D; soft sand, calm waters, and free parking! 

When my family goes to the beach, it's an experience. There are so many things that go with us. But there were items we brought that we definitely couldn't have been without. First, our Gathre mat that goes with us everywhere (https://gathre.com/collections/highchair-mat/products/tannin-highchair-mat)! It provided a place for Daxton to sit and play that wasn’t completely covered in sand (though it basically was by the end of the trip). Second, our Shadezilla beach cabana (https://www.walmart.com/ip/Shadezilla-Deluxe-Lightweight-2-Person-Tent-with-Carry-Bag/126161591) provided much needed UV protection for my fair skinned child who actually has tanned very well, thanks to me of course! Finally, my mom purchased one of those huge plastic pools which we brought with us and filled with freshwater so that Daxton could have his semi-independent water fun while not inhaling saltwater or braving the dangers of the ocean. Even though these items may not be the easiest to transport, they certainly made the beach a lot easier, which mean more fun! All-in-all, Daxton loved everything about the beach, especially the people watching!

On "A Letter To My Wife"

Dear Wife, 

            For the past few weeks I have been asking myself what to get you for our anniversary. Now I always have a list of things you would like and I am typically very good about getting gifts either from that list or in my mind. Every time I thought about a gift I thought would suffice, I kept thinking, "No, my wife is always so creative and thoughtful with gifts that I don't want to just buy another gift." I want to give a true gift to my wife, one that I pour my heart into, one that really focuses on who you are and your love languages. So here it is, a letter to you. Not just a letter, but a letter in which I finally spell out all the situations I always said I did not have words for. I wanted to handwrite this, but I also really wanted you to be able to read this, so I opted to type. I do hope you enjoy this.

            My wife, my sweet wife, just look at how far we have come together as one team. Can you believe today we have been married three years. We have been in North Carolina for two years and three hundred and sixty days. We got here with nothing but a part time job, a one bedroom apartment, and love. Nothing about it was easy but we made every moment together as one from the moment we got here. To watch how much you have grown is this time has truly been a blessing. You connected with a family of people we have never met and you placed them in your heart. You opened up to them and connected in your own way with each and every kid. You met a friend who is almost like a sister and a couple that took us in as their family. When I look back it makes me tear up to see how God used you. You jumped into something new, randomly meeting people and were rewarded so greatly. I’ve seen you take a real job in teaching only to discover that wasn't for you, and that leads me here.

            Tabitha when I look at you back on the past seven months, I am so proud of you. The growth I have witnessed in you puts a smile on my face. From the moment Daxton, was born you had found a calling, a calling to push yourself to be the best you can be. I watched you dig deeper then you ever have and worker harder then I could ever imagine. When I see how hard you work for not just our son but our family, I get choked up. No matter how tired, sick, or exhausted you might be, you do whatever you have to for our family, most of the time with a smile on your face. Your strength compares to none, yet you knew God called you to grow stronger. You took on serving at church; not just serving, but placing yourself in a position that meant you had to be an extrovert and greet total strangers. You have poured yourself into it and have made an example for others. As I am typing this right now, I am fighting back tears of joy thinking about the night that we were at church and you looked and me and said “I’m going to work my window”. You walked straight up to the photo coordinator, you told her who you were and what you wanted. I was in awe. You saw what you wanted and took control of the moment God gave you. Ever since that moment you have been on a mission to be you. And you, Tabitha, are amazing, creative, dedicated, and disciplined. You have a true gift. You capture the very moment God works or Daxton learns something new. You capture thought and emotion. I am running out of ways to describe this incredible talent you have. You are the inspiration for our family. You are my inspiration, my push, and my drive, but most importantly, you are my wife.

            My wife who unscrambles my thoughts when others would get annoyed. My wife who has learned to tell I am crazy or wrong in the sweetest most perfect way. My wife who encouraged me through the toughest times I have ever faced. My wife who made me into the confident father I am. My wife who led me to Christ, led me to my Joy, listens to all my goals and pushes me to achieve. You are my wife who loves me every day, and for that Tabitha, I thank you.

Love, Your Husband