On Starting Over

Starting over is absolutely the most terrifying thing in the world. Making the choice to give up something you already have that many would be grateful for, to pursue something completely out of your original realm of thought is daunting. You now all know that I have done just that. So let me tell you about the lifetime that went into making this decision.

From a young age, I've always been creative. I was more concerned about dressing my Barbies and decorating my Barbie Dream House than actually playing with the dolls. I would spend hours at the kitchen table full of whatever craft materials we had in the house (which was actually a lot) and make something out of nothing. I always loved coloring and writing. I suppose I should have seen from an early age that I was not meant for a normal career. My creativity matured as I did and became more defined. My family would always gather around the television Sunday night to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Without fail, my favorite parts were when the children were questioned on their likes (for the design, obviously, so you had better make sure you said something good), and the final reveal. I imagined what I would say if I were in that situation. I knew better than to be too specific, because if I said I like horses, I might as well ask to live in a barn. If I said I like climbing trees, my room would be a tree! I imagined I would say I love Paris, or being creative. I knew I could get something good out of that. And I always loved the reveal of the parents rooms, the living room, or the kitchen more than the kids rooms. I understood the quality of a design and I enjoyed experiencing a new design. My dad and I often would stand in a new place--a home, a business--and analyze the design. Through all of this, I was never able to pinpoint exactly what it was I was doing. I had no idea that interior design was even a thing. It wasn't until college I was able to confirm and develop my hobby, and after college when I realized I could actually make my hobby my career. That meant I would officially alter career paths from education to interior design.

Now it isn't that I didn't like the kids, or the coworkers, or anything really. It is the simple fact that I knew deep in my heart that I was not pursuing my passion. I have seen passion in the workplace; passion belongs in the workplace. I decided I wanted to be passionate about my career. I wanted to sit in a bar and have someone ask me what I do, and immediately I would smile, because even thinking about work is joyful to me. So after putting time, money, and a lot of hard work into a career I no longer could see myself doing, I gave it up. I use the term "gave it up" after contemplating other phrases like "threw it away" or "wasted my resources", but I have no regrets. I will not allow myself to question decisions I make from the deepest part of my being just because I am afraid that I will have no support or that I will fail.

In all seriousness, those are very real concerns that I know I am going to experience. Pursuing my dream and starting over is going to force me to sacrifice a lot. If I fail, those who supported me will be let down and I will have to return to a career that i am capable of, but will never be truly happy doing. If I fail, I will have to admit to myself I was wrong. People will doubt me. I will be forced to explain my decisions to some people. I will continually be under scrutiny. But if I don't try, I will always resent whatever held me back. I am ready and willing and able...and I'm young! So why the hell not?

Amidst all of this, one cannot begin to question everything they believe in. I am on a path of starting over in my career, and with that comes the reinvention of myself. I am forced to face a lot of things in my life that I realize are not actually who I want to be. Let's just say I finally was able to pinpoint my personal interior design style, and it's eclectic bohemian...

This style, I now realize, reflects my personality. If this room was a person, it would be me. Except maybe with a Persian rug and darker wood. Let's just say that up until this point in my life, I thought my design style was very different...

So please bear with me while I start over, begin my adventure, and redefine myself. I will do my best to document my journey. I would love some company!

Au revoir.
-T