On What No One Tells You About Breastfeeding

I wrote this 5 weeks ago and never got around to editing it. So I finally did! Enjoy!

I am a new mom! Only two weeks old, my baby boy and I have a system; he cries and I feed him. But this is a very delicate system that no one could have prepared me for. I am so overwhelmed by the world of breastfeeding, and I know I'm not alone. I hope someone out there will resonate with this article or be able to feel reassured at the fact that breastfeeding is difficult for almost every mom.

1. YOU'RE CONSTANTLY DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR BOOBS.
Whether you're pumping, hand-expressing, massaging, feeding, applying cream, allowing them to air dry, or even just working out the sore spots, the girls will NOT catch a break easily.

2. THERE ARE COUNTLESS POSSIBLE ISSUES. 
My son has a high palette and I have a flat nipple (TMI?), so getting a strong healthy latch was super difficult at first. I was a mess in the birthing room with a nurse who was trying to help the best she could. Finally a lactation consultant came in and was so helpful on setting us on the right track. unfortunately, my breastfeeding story is not nearly one of the worst ones I've heard.

3. YOU WILL MOST LIKELY CRACK AND/OR BLEED. 
Unfortunately for my little guy and I, we got thrush, so I was in a whole world of pain when I breastfed. I thought I had a bad latch at first, but after watching little guy's mouth turn white and get really dry, I realized the cracking and bleeding was thrush. I was mightily alarmed when I saw the blood after unlatching, and I felt like a terrible mother because I knew I had pushed myself past the line; all the lactation consultants warned me that I needed to stop if it became too painful. Thrush is not always the cause of your pain or discomfort, but there are a ton of reasons your girls could be crying, like you're just pushing yourself too far!

4. YOU WILL TEST YOUR LIMITS. 
But it is important to know your boundaries. After pushing a 10 pound baby out in 40 minutes with a great attitude and minimal crying and screaming, my pain tolerance is a lot higher than I thought. I ended up pushing myself too far and causing myself so much anxiety, which caused a lot more issues, like accidentally feeding when I was hurting which caused bleeding while he was latched. I have never felt worse about myself or the choices I've made than at that moment. I knew I needed serious help.

5. YOU MAY NEED TO RESET YOURSELF. 
Luckily, my family was super helpful while my husband and I adjusted to our new addition. My mother, sister, and father took over one night while my husband and I got ample rest and only woke up a few times to feed the baby. That allowed me to quell my anxiety, start with a positive attitude the next morning, and my supply came back tenfold.

6. IT'S TOTALLY OKAY TO ASK QUESTIONS. 
In fact, it's a lot smarter to ask questions as soon as you think of them and use the lactation consultants if you can. I called on at least four different lactation consultants multiple times, and I still remember so much of what they said to me.

7. #fedisbest.
Don't listen to society's pressure that "breast is best". It was long ago proven that the best way to provide for your LO is to breastfeed. But the pressure that family members, doctors, nurses, and other moms put on you to breastfeed is ridiculously heavy. If you can't exclusively breastfeed, if you can't breastfeed at all, or if you choose to exclusively formula feed, good for you! You're choosing to feed your baby. Formula is SUPER expensive. If you want to spend that money after you've spent a fortune birthing your baby (thank God for insurance!) then it is your choice to do so and no one else's. I remember around week 15 of my pregnancy, my husband and I were waltzing on clouds through the baby aisles at  Target. A woman asked if we were expecting, when we were due, if we knew the gender yet. Then she asked if I was breastfeeding. I thought it was a bit invasive since she was a perfect stranger, but I replied that yes,  I am planning to exclusively breastfeed.  She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Good because breast is best and you want the best for your baby don't you?"  I was a little taken aback, but that set the stage for me to feel the pressure to breastfeed. I wouldn't allow myself to think of any alternatives. I donated the samples of formula I had received in the mail. Then the first night I had my LO home, I found out he was starving.  I would not wish that on anyone. My husband and I began to supplement with formula and I do not regret that decision one bit.  Even now when someone asks me if I am exclusively breastfeeding, I feel the pressure to explain to them my decision for supplementing, when it is no one's business but my little family's.  I was not breastfed (my mom had difficulties) and I think I'm pretty healthy and smart person. I do not resent my mom for not breastfeeding me and I have not had any bad health issues. I know that my son will not grow up and resent me for not exclusively breastfeeding him. Life goes on.

8. YOU'RE BABY MAY STARVE.
I just finished reading an article in which a woman wrote how she accidentally staved her child his first month. She was so concerned about providing the best for her baby that she didn't think that he may not be eating enough. She had issues similar to mine and ended up exclusively formula feeding after two months. She was told that she did better than 99% of other breastfeeding moms. I think any woman is a hero for even trying.  Just remember to make sure that your baby is gaining weight.

9.  IT MAY NOT HAPPEN.
If it doesn't happen for you, it is OK. So many moms struggle, and so many moms feel that there is no out. It is OK to make a decision for your mental, emotional, physical health and formula feed your baby. Your baby needs you happy and healthy more than your baby needs breastmilk. Don't let an issue so small take away from such a joyous time.

Forgive me if this was a bit more graphic than you expected, but these are the realities of life. Some moms have a much more difficult time, like my mother. If you feel society weighing you down, check out the website I found encouragement from: https://fedisbest.org/

-T