On Being Productive

Wow! It's been a big week for little Rosemary+James. Today, Rosemary+James got business cards, mailed out the first OFFICIAL orders, got new supplies, and finally launched an Etsy shop(etsy.com/shop/rosemaryandjames). Earlier this week, Rosemary+James started an Instagram account (rosemaryandjamesshop) and ordered an embosser. Though all these may seem like inconsequential events to anyone else, to me, they are all super exciting! This shop is something I've been waiting to do for so long, and I mean SO LONG! If you've talked to me at all over the past year, you've probably heard me say "I'm opening an Etsy shop soon," or "I'm hoping to launch my shop in two weeks". But I finally did it! But c'mon T, why did it take so long?

As I've said before, I am an over-thinker. Not only that, but I have a habit of making things into a bigger deal than they are. I get too excited about something and have a hard time following up with the expectations I've laid out. So, as any normal person would do, I put it off. I was scared of not meeting expectations and I was nervous about the work I would have to put in. I set deadlines for myself and continued to practice and improve. Finally, demand got to a point that I knew I could either give up the possibility of a business and success or embrace it and make good on the promises I made to myself and others. My obsession for perfection may have also held me back, knowing there are other products out there that are presented better, other people who produce more consistent or fluid calligraphy, other shops with a better business model. I want the best, so I held off for the best. But I learned that perfection is a terrible goal, so I made a list of small goals. After meeting each one, I knew I was one step closer.

Productivity is not something I have ever been wonderful at. I really do not know why I put things off. But everyone does it, right? We know there is something that is going to be demanding of our time, our money, our social skills, so we put it off, hoping the responsibility will suddenly disappear; maybe we will win the lottery, or invent a time machine, or maybe find some awesome magic coupon code that will take care of all our bills. We all keep procrastinating and with that comes the thoughts of our nagging tasks and the feeling of guilt when we finally have to admit that we have done something to make our lives difficult. As I'm writing this, the nine year old I nanny for is growing increasingly upset that I am making her get all her homework done today, even though it is due Friday' she would rather play with her friends today and do it all Thursday night. Even the youngest generation is already learning how to procrastinate. I guess all I'm trying to say is that we should really take charge of our lives and stop allowing ourselves to suffer the consequences of procrastination. Stop asking yourself why you are putting off those tasks and do them!

Just do it!
-T

On Rosemary + James

As I am about to launch an Etsy shop under the same name as my blog, I decided it was time to explain the reason behind my naming everything "Rosemary and James" because if you don't know me, you are probably wondering why in the heck I am using names that have nothing to do with my own.

As you all know, I am and always have been very creative; I also overthink just about everything I do. Growing up, I struggled dealing with these sometimes conflicting traits. My Nana, Rosemary, was a realist. She had no problem speaking her mind and she was not one to waste time doing something she didn't see as worthwhile. My Pop-pop, on the other hand, was a dreamer. As you spoke to James, you couldn't help but catch his whimsy. There was a contagious dream-like state of mind that drew me to him. I see myself as the epitome of the combination of my grandparent's strongest characteristics. I pride myself on being able to balance both my logic and my whimsy, which I learned from watching my mother's parents. Just because their love story didn't have a happy ending, doesn't mean their lives didn't. They had six wonderful children between them, and they got to spend so much of their lives surrounded by family who loved them irrevocably. It is my goal to reach my highest potential in whatever I set out to do, so that I can make them proud. Both my Nana and my Pop-pop influenced me in so many ways that I cannot help but make the choices I do from advice I've received and experiences I've shared with them. I wish I could share the memories I have of them with all of you because they were truly incredible people. At the risk of sounding super cheese balls, even though they are no longer a phone call away, they will always be with me, mind and soul.

A year and a half ago, I made some pretty big changes in my life, but I knew I wanted to begin on a career path that allowed me to exercise my creative side. I thought of what I would name my company in the future, and I thought of my grandparents. I know that without a doubt, they would put my work up in their house and brag about me to their friends in their book clubs and on their Bingo nights. Nana would talk to me and ask me what my plans are, and Pop-pop would tell me to be happy and do what I love. I'm sure someone in my family is going to have something to say about this. So if you are reading this and you are thinking that you don't like something I said, please keep it to yourself. I love my memories of my grandparents and I don't want them spoiled. Please and thank you.

So like I said, I am going to be opening an Easy shop pretty soon, just as soon as I complete a few more products to post. I am super excited for this new journey and I am excited to share it with you! For ordering information or updates, email rosemaryandjamesshop@gmail.com.

Bonsoir.
-T

Dedicated to Rosemary + James

On Maturity

Lately I have come across a lot of instances in my life that have made me inflect on the idea of maturity. Defining maturity is just as difficult as it is easy. There are different measures of maturity, different types of maturity, and various things can be assigned a maturity level: cheese, people, wine, video games. I know this may seem like a very random or vague topic, so please bear with me as I write and try to make sense of my own thoughts as well!

When it comes to wine and cheese, maturity is measured by age. When determining the maturity of a person, I can assure you, age has nothing to do with it. I have met the most astonishingly mature ten-year old and a very immature person of fifty-five. One could say that the person who acts childish is the less mature. When we see a child acting not like a child, we praise him for being "mature".

I believe true maturity is when a person is able to act in a manner that is truly reflective of who they are. Basically, when you see guys being complete tools in the manner they treat women, that is honestly not who they are, but they are deflecting some other emotions or feelings in an unhealthy and immature way. When women are full crazy drama psycho maniacs who have no regard to other people's feelings, they are masking their true self and guarding their feelings and emotions in an unhealthy and immature way. But the minute a person decides to fix that, to right their attitude and own up to their emotions and feelings, no matter how irrational or flawed, is the minute that person truly matures. On a much smaller scale, looking back to myself just one year ago, I think how immature I was; I was forcing myself into a career and a lifestyle I was not happy with (this change is reflected in my design style, as illustrated in my previous post "On Starting Over" http://rosemaryandjames.blogspot.com/2015/11/on-starting-over.html). Recently, I began a journey on identifying my true self. In doing so, I have been able to feel more and more like I am truly acting in a way that is reflective of who I am. I find myself slipping and saying or doing something that is immature, meaning a way that is not reflective of who I am, and I always try to catch myself and use it as a springboard for growth.

Maturity in a person has little to do with age and a lot to do with experiences. If a person has been in a situation where they have been encouraged and allowed to be true to their self, they will often be much more mature than someone who has not. Perhaps that is why tweens (hate that word) and teens are usually seen as immature; they are finding identifying themselves while they are often trying to graduate, pick a career, struggling to make their parents happy, make good grades, stay involved, and just have fun!

So basically, if you're reading this and hoping to take something away, remember that life is too short to be anyone but yourself...I know I heard that somewhere so I just looked it up. Thank Anne Hathaway for that advice. But really, seek true maturity and you will find yourself; seek yourself and you will find true maturity.

Au revoir!
T

On the Value of Education

In a few of my previous posts, I've written about my experience with education. I struggled most of my life sitting in classes trying to remain disciplined. Unfortunately, I was not encouraged in the areas that would allow me to fully develop my strengths and skills. When a student finds something they are interested in, it is extremely important to harness that attention and interest in education so that student does not suffer through school thinking of it as something to get over with quickly. Instead, students should strive to further their education, knowing that what they are learning will help them on their career path. I went to school all my life thinking I was going to become an educator, knowing full well my strengths had nothing to do with sitting in a classroom for my career, especially because I could barely do it through high school! I went to college as a major in education. I wrote this story my senior year for a final in which I had to write a lesson plan and followed by a narrative. I wrote my lesson surrounding Bud, Not Buddy, a story about a boy in 1936 who goes on a search for his dad. (The Sailor Moon pics are just because I'm obsessed...)

There once was a girl I knew who just didn’t like school. She did not like to read, she did not like to write, and she did not like computers. Her mother said computers would take over the world, and she had never used one before. When she brought books home, her mother would not read to or with her and she did not know why. When she wrote stories, her mom would look at them and throw them away. She tried to tell her teachers she could not read well, but her level was just high enough to pass her to the next grade. She wanted to be held back; maybe then her mom would help her. This made the girl not want to do homework or study. When her teachers threatened to call her mom or send a note home, she only got worse. As the end of the year grew closer and closer, the girl prayed she would not make it to the fourth grade. Alas, she was assigned a fourth grade teacher.

When school began, the girl knew she was in for it. This teacher seemed genuinely nice—she greeted every one with smiles and mechanical pencils—and the girl felt she did not want to disappoint her new teacher. All day, she paid attention in class and listened to everything the teacher said. Then, the teacher said they would do a research project toward the end of the year! A research what? The girl felt sick. She regretted slacking off the year before. That night, the girl went home and told her mom about school and how she was nervous for the research project. She hoped maybe her mom could help. The mom said something about not being able to help her and that she wouldn’t be able to complete her project. This made the girl angry and renewed her will to slack off, no matter how nice the teacher was. Throughout the year the teacher would ask the girl about her research project. She didn’t want to talk about it, or school in general, so she stayed quiet. She still never turned in her homework, though she secretly did it so she wouldn’t fall too far behind.

Finally, the time came for the research project. The girl felt somewhat ready and prepared, but knew she would not turn anything in. The teacher went through the first chapter of the book they were to study and read with them! The girl couldn’t believe it! Then, the teacher showed all the students how to use a computer! The teacher kept asking if anyone had questions—some people asked questions that really helped her, and some asked really silly questions. 

The teacher came up to the girl and asked her if she had any questions. She did; the girl didn’t know how to get rid of the number that popped up every time she hit “enter”. The teacher remarked that the girl must be very advanced if she was numbering her bullets, and the girl finally spoke up: “I actually don’t know how to get rid of them.” Without skipping a beat the teacher smiled and explained to her she had automatic numbering on. The teacher said it can help, but sometimes it can also get in the way. The teacher showed her how to get rid of the numbering system if she wanted. The teacher also said the girl could stay in on recess and practice working on the document and using the computer. The girl thanked the teacher and did just that. The girl realized she could always find someone to help, whether it was her mother or not. She decided she would try harder in school; all her peers knew how to use the computer and she should learn too! She found out she loved using the Internet with its' endless sources of information! She stayed in every recess she could and soon enough she was done with her research project before any one else. She felt so proud when she printed her notes and her research paper and turned it in. She even added a cover paper, which she had seen done on the Internet of course. 

When she brought home her A+, her mom looked at it and not saying anything set it on the counter, not in the trashcan. It sat there for a few days, and then disappeared. When the girl asked her mom about it, the mom got tears in her eyes. Her mom didn’t know how to read! From then on, the girl then read to her mom every night before bed about the little boy who went on a search for his father. 

On Living With Anxiety

When I tell people I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), they usually assume that I get stressed easily and I don't know how to handle it.

Yes, I get stressed. I get stressed under any number of circumstances. Unfortunately, this extends to many aspects of my life. I have claustrophobia, social anxiety, trouble sleeping, extreme dizziness, heart palpitations, and shortness of breath on a daily basis. These symptoms are before and after a panic attack. During a panic attack, all these symptoms are elevated, with the addition of new ones. Now if I could cure it, handle it, or help it in anyway, I definitely would. This is not something I wish to experience. I promise I do not do it for attention, nor do I use it as a way to cope. There is no way to "cure" or "prevent" anxiety or anxiety attacks, and don't even try to argue me on this one--controlling or lessening attacks is possible, but not the same thing.

Fortunately, early on in life, I was very self aware of my symptoms. I was the kid who would get $5.00 from the tooth fairy and go to the grocery store with my mom and freak out over what to spend my money on. I couldn't decide if I wanted gum, which would last me a decent amount of time, a toy which would last 'forever', or chips, super delicious but wouldn't last long. When my parents would take me to get ice cream, I was always the last to order because I couldn't decide. I would consider all my options with a ridiculous weight. What if I tried a new flavor and think I like it, but it gets old quickly and I can't finish it? What if I try my sisters and realize I want hers instead? What if I stick with my regular Mint Chip and regret not trying something new? (This has by no means changed at all, but if pressured, I can easily make last minute decisions...don't give me too much time to consider my options is my advice!) I learned how to stay strong and smile through the pain. I believe I can control my anxiety, and I have not given up hope that I truly will one day.

I remember when I was in third grade, I went to the nurse's office with the worst headache my seven-year-old self had ever experienced. I was crying, holding my head, shaking, shivering, sweating. My mom picked me up and took me to the ER. I had just experienced my first panic attack. By that time, the doctor classified it as a migraine, which still was a lot for my little body (y'all, I was really tiny!) and from that point on, my doctor became my closest confidant, seeing me regularly to monitor my migraines and other symptoms. I didn't have another major panic attack until senior year of high school--my parents were great at helping me calm down when I started to get crazy. I was driving home, completely satisfied with my life, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I felt dizzy and couldn't see straight. Luckily, I snapped out of it quickly, and immediately made a doctor's appointment. I had two more that week. My doctor realized I have GAD. He told me to limit the stress in my life and stop spreading myself so thin. If you know me, you know that is impossible. I am a yes person through and through. If someone somewhere needs my help, I am there! I also have OCD, and these two things combined with my raging migraines makes my life a bit of a challenge. I am on medication for it and I am totally not ashamed. A huge thing many people with anxiety deal with is shame, which I have none of. I don't know how I got this way, but I am able to logically walk away from my panic attacks at times (see my blog about balancing logic and emotions http://rosemaryandjames.blogspot.com/2015/11/on-controlling-your-emotions.html). I definitely know my parents helped me get to a place where I am healthy enough to handle myself, but there are times that I just can't. I was just in New York, in the middle of Times Square, and I couldn't control myself when a panic attack hit. I am definitely an extroverted introvert (I can totally talk to people and speak up for myself, but I gain energy from being alone) and I had not been alone for almost a week. I was in the throes of hundreds of tourist families and creepy Elmos. It all became too much; I had been too strong for too long and I broke. It can happen anywhere, anytime! This makes my life one that is hard to share and I am a lot of work.

I call this post "living" with anxiety, not "suffering" or "dealing with" because suffering is not living and dealing with yourself is not necessarily a healthy way to go about living with your flaws or feeling good about yourself. I embrace my downfalls so that I can work with them and control them. Owning up to me flaws allows me to feel more self-confident when I am really down on myself. I have spent my whole life getting to this point. It is not impossible. Whatever your downfall, your flaw, your negative aspects, I promise you there is a line of people waiting to help you! I have been blessed with so many people in my life who have not only helped me, but inspired me and pushed me to better myself even more. The only people who have no hope are serial killers and pervs. Those are not downfalls to embrace. Please don't. Otherwise, wear your heart on your sleeve and be honest with yourself and everyone in your life! It not only hurts you when you keep your flaws to yourself, but it hurts those around you. Believe in yourself and in your loved ones. If they don't stick around to see you through your worst, they don't deserve you at your best! (Someone else said that, but I can't remember who, so don't give me credit...I wish). If you say you can't find anyone to accept you, you aren't being honest enough.

Here are 6 articles that I have found to be helpful in many ways:
~31 Secrets of People Who Live With Anxiety http://themighty.com/?p=37087?st=pinterest
~Anxiety Facts: 12 Important Ones You May Not Know http://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-facts/
~24 Things People With Generalized Anxiety Disorder Want You To Know http://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/hello-anxiety-my-old-friend?crlt.pid=camp.GoOtMTZDS3tK#.clNPnLyd0
~ A Letter to Husbands: Three Ways To Help Your Wife With Anxiety http://www.nittygrittylove.com/a-letter-to-husbands-3-ways-to-help-your-wife-with-anxiety/
~Supporting a Loved One Through PTSD or Panic Attacks https://sometimesmagical.wordpress.com/2013/10/26/supporting-a-loved-one-through-ptsd-or-panic-attacks/
~20 Struggles You Go Through When You Date Someone With Anxiety http://elitedaily.com/dating/dating-someone-with-anxiety/907721/

Au revoir
-T

On Finding Yourself When No One Is Looking

I recently started a journey of upheaval and chaos in my life. I am now on a search for happiness in which I am hoping to find and define myself. In the past three months, I have quit my job and decided to change everything about the direction my life was headed. The issue that caused me to step back and reexamine my life was that I was simply not happy. So now, I need to figure out what it is that would make me happy and I need to define my own happiness. In order to do that, I need to find myself. But how on earth and I supposed to find myself if I am the only one looking?

I lose things. Ask each and every friend I have and they will all recall how at least twice a day I say, "Where is my chapstick? I swear, I just had it. I put it down right here and now it is gone!" I know many of you are laughing because you know it is so true. It happens with all my things: my phone, my glasses, my chargers, hair ties, clothes. In all those instances, I can always call on someone for help. Now I have lost myself, and no one can help me find me. There is no "Find My iPhone" and I can't just check in my purse or under my pillow. I know that in order to find myself, I am going to have to search deep within my soul, and that is a scary place. Perhaps the reason I have put this off for so long is because I am scared of what I will find. In fact, I am positive that is the reason. Redefining myself isn't just about revamping my closet, sticking to one genre of music, or finally having favorites; redefining myself means looking at my soul straight on and asking myself what is important to me and what truly makes me feel happy, appreciated, important, and needed. What I find my answers to be may not fit in my life as it is. So I ask myself which is more important: comfort and security, or dream fulfillment and true happiness. No matter if I use my pathos or my logos, the answer is pretty clear. I know there are people out there, even within my family, who would rather feel safe and secure than risk everything they know for a dream. So maybe I have already begun to find myself, because I know the path I will pursue is that of dreams, happiness, and a serious issue of wanderlust.

Looking back through my life, I don't know that I ever knew who I was. I constantly adapted to my surroundings in an effort to fit in. I became so many different people, that I never even thought that I wasn't me. This is not going to be easy, and it isn't going to always be happy, but it is an adventure, and I know the end result will be me having no regrets for things I wish I had done. I am going to take risks (skydiving, anyone?) and I am going to have to take some leaps of faith. I am going to raise hell and create a certain kind of chaos. I am going to break social norms and I am certain I will do whatever it takes to make me...me. Because I am on my own on this one, and I don't do anything the easy way.

Adventures are waiting for me, and I am just as eager for them.

Au revoir.
-T

On Controlling Your Emotions

From a very young age, it was obvious to my parents that I was a very emotional child. I have anxiety, which I dealt with throughout my childhood, and I would feel for everything. It wasn't just that I cried a lot (though if you ask my sister, she will definitely say I was a crybaby), but that I cried for so many things. My mom is the similar; we both have a lot of feelings and we both feel deeply, often personally, even if it isn't logical. My dad is the opposite. He doesn't have a lot of feelings...or so I thought...

Somehow, by the grace of God, my dad learned to control his emotions. He definitely has them, and he definitely feels them, but he controls them. I am sure it has to do with his childhood, being the oldest son of two with a single mom. No matter, he is a straight up G. He taught me everything I know about controlling my emotions. He made me aware that I was emotional. He questioned me when I got emotional, so that my logos could fight through for balance. He would assign me Bible verses to study at a young age that had to do with self control (you know the one...fruits of the spirit...love, joy, peace...), controlling your anger, and wearing the armor of God. The best thing he ever did for me was teach me to think before I act. I heard that at least three times a week, if not once a day. He was always like, "What do I always say? Think..." My impatient seven-year-old self would retort, "I know, I know. Think before I act." I would follow that with an eye roll, to which he would say I probably didn't think that one through. He was right.

I learned and practiced how to feel something, and then logically think through what my next move would be. All my life, I have been practicing a careful balance of pathos and logos. Little did I know how much all the annoying phrases and verses would affect me as an adult. Here I am now, contemplating some very serious life-changing decisions, trying to figure out what is best for me. Were I to act purely on pathos, I would end up wondering why I made decisions without thinking. If I make a decision based on logos, then I will surely regret following my instincts, even if they didn't make sense at the time. 

Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to have a superhero for a dad, or such a great role model for a mom, so they have to learn things the hard way. People make mistakes, and people have regrets. There is absolutely no reason to cry over your mistakes or question your choices. Absolutely everything that happens in life is a lesson. All experiences in a persons life shapes who they become.

So go out in the world! Live life. Make decisions based on your guts, the heart ones and the brain ones! Always learn from your experiences. But don't sit back and wonder. Dreams are so wonderful when you can pair them with action, otherwise they become nightmares. Go fly to the moon or sing on Broadway, but please be logical about it too. Like if you really can't sing, then don't sing on Broadway. Please.

Au revoir!

-T