On Gender Identity

So the other day, Hubby was loading D in the car and I was in the passenger seat. I heard the woman from the car next to us ask if D was a boy or a girl. Stephen politely responded and finished buckling D in. When he joined me in the driver's seat, I told him, "Man, I really hate it when people ask that." He asked me why because he didn't mind answering, so I thought about it. I didn't really mind answering either, but I knew it was something deeper. The issue is two-fold: the identity factor and the societal factor.

First of all, D looks like a boy. To me (and my friends and family) he has some distinctive boy features. But that isn't the issue. For the first question to be about his gender is to prioritize that over anything else. His being a boy is more important than his name or age. A more appropriate question might be "What is their name?" which will usually tell you if they are a boy or girl. And if it doesn't, what is so important about a stranger knowing the gender of my baby? Once that becomes an important identity factor, it can become easy to adhere to society's "rules" about that specific gender, which leads me to the second factor.

God dictates gender. Some of you may disagree and that is fine, but I believe that it is up to God to form us as He desires. He gave me a male baby, and he will always be a male. But society decides HOW that gender is defined (http://thebringitonmom.blogspot.com/2017/03/on-gender-stereotyping.html). If a girl is going through a phase when she likes race cars and playing baseball or whatever typical "boy" interests are, it doesn't mean she identifies as a boy; she is just a girl who likes race cars and baseball. If D decides he likes princesses and playing with my makeup, I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that he was supposed to have been born a girl, because God would have handled that. I will support him whether he wants to be a drummer, a football player, a broadway star, or a ballerina. I will tell him that boys can dance just as well as girls and girls can play baseball just as well as boys. If D is wearing his amber necklace and a bonnet, I am not dressing him like a girl. I hope Daxton never feels like  he can't do something because of how he was born. And he doesn't need to change; he is perfect how God made him. 

No person is going to tell him he can't do something because he is a boy, and if they do, well they will really regret it after talking to me. When I was younger, my family went on a camping trip with other families from our church. I was DEEP in my tomboy phase, climbing trees and running around with the boys. One of the dads was leading a hike, and I went along. When we got to the end, the tip of the mountain we were hiking, I was told I couldn't go all the way to the top because I was a girl. I was dumbfounded and still scarred to this day. Obviously, Dax will know he can't go in the girls bathroom, dressing room, etc., but anything society deems just for girls or just for boys will not be a thing in our home. I like dressing Dax in gender/color neutral clothing, and I definitely regret painting his room blue. I am so excited to see what truly interests him.

On Maintaining Family Traditions

Yesterday was another busy day; I literally FORGOT to blog! As I sit down to type out my daily excursions, I realize every day just how much I try to get done. I'm going to take a day off pretty soon and just love on the babe. But yesterday was also an important day, so I digress. 

We went on a mile and a half walk in the morning inviting people to Easter at Elevation. We spent five hours deconstructing, packing, and sending Stephen's family heirloom cradle, I volunteered at church for the next four hours while Hubby and Bub spent some quality time together. And finally one of my closest friends/mentors arrived after a very long drive from WV. 

The important part of the day was the whole cradle scenario. Such a wonderful chapter of our parenting journey has come to an end. Stephen's family has a cradle that all the kids on his mom's side of the family have slept in. Daxton was the 12th baby to continue this tradition. We were so excited when we got the cradle. It got a prime spot in our bedroom. We set it up so carefully and perfectly. My MIL bought extra organic fitted sheets and I handmade (for the first time ever) a fitted sheet for the mattress pad. There are plaques on the cradle declaring which children have slept in it and their dates of birth. I would stare at my husband's name and imagine my son's name joining his eventually! When we came home from the hospital with Daxton, we couldn’t wait to put him in the cradle. At this point, it is important to remind and reinforce readers that Dax was born 10 pounds and was already rolling to the sides (because he moved so much and was so strong!). When we walked in the door, Stephen gave Daxton a home tour (I will share that video eventually), and at the end of the tour, Stephen laid Daxton in the cradle. Once Stephen let go of him, D rolled over, the cradle got rocky, and it really seemed like it would swing so much D would fall out. Now, obviously we knew that wouldn’t happen, but it was still scary how Daxton was rolling over but not rolling back. Once we figured out sleeping habits and routines, we knew he preferred to be at an angle and he slept longer if he was being held or rocked. We used the Rock N Play because it met all his sleeping needs, which was really important because he was sleeping terribly, so mom and dad were sleeping terribly, too! At two months, we had gotten a Dock A Tot, a good swaddle, and learned that Daxton is actually pretty resilient, so we tried the cradle. It worked! He slept great flat and not being rocked. Stephen and I were so emotional and happy that we could claim our child had slept in there as well. 

A few weeks after Daxton was born, we found out Stephen’s cousin and his girlfriend were expecting. We were so excited; their baby was due in a month and we said how cool it would be that both their kids would be so close in age. Then we realized this meant the cradle was needed elsewhere. We thought we would have more time with it. I had thought that when Daxton started walking and playing he might puts his stuffies in their for their “nap”. I had imagined it becoming a staple in his nursery and I could show him his Daddy’s name on the plaque. It was such a bittersweet moment to be so happy and sad. He was already so used to his sleeping habits (rocking, incline) that we couldn’t change it at this point when he was just starting to sleep so well. So we held on to the cradle as long as we could. I made sure to take pictures when I could (usually the lights are off and he’s asleep when he’s in it). Now, we just have to hope that we can have our next baby (not for a long time!) sleep in it from the beginning and we won’t take advantage of it like we had. 

On a DIY Dreamy Woodland Nursery

10 months ago, my husband and I found out we were expecting an adorable bundle! Naturally, my DIY, creative mind automatically began to draw illustrations in my mind of what this little one's nursery would look like. I had a direction for a girl, and one for a boy. These visuals were absolutely nothing like what I had imagined for my child's nursery growing up. I used to want a vintage Winnie the Pooh theme, or a parisian Madeline-esque nursery. I went through a phase semi-recently in which I wanted to name my daughter Eloise and do a whole Eloise at the Plaza thing. Somehow, I completely forgot all previous notions and we decided on a woodland/camping/outdoors-y theme. I made a "lookbook" (a medium sized poster board with pictures and paint chips and wood stains), and began my DIY nursery journey (Hubby and I had a blast painting the room together, 8 paint samples later!).

DISCLAIMER: I am not wealthy, nor do I have a large toolshed. I completed this nursery for about $170. This does not include large ticket items that were purchased for us like the crib, rocking chair, and all that goes with it. 

 
1. Monogram Wall Piece: When I found out I was pregnant, I went in search of a chalkboard for bump pics. I found a mirror I wanted to paint for $8. When I got home, the mirror started cracking. I took a hammer to it and found the beautiful, dark wood panels behind it. I found these metal letters at Michael's for $2 each. I added 3 screws and hung the letters.
2. Globe: I knew the direction I wanted to go for the nursery, so while my sister visited, we went in search of items. We stopped at Habitat for Humanity. While scouring the aisles, we turned and at the end of an aisle, as if sent from God, this globe was sitting in the middle for $5!
3. Crate: I was given this crate by a friend because staples were falling out. I used small nails and reattached the siding.

4. Side Table: My husband and I got this from Ikea a while ago for $20. It was repurposed.

5. Jacks Bookends: During the same search I went on with my sister, we stopped in a random boutique and I found the (very heavy) jacks for $3 each.

6. Massive Stuffed Wolf: Though it's a little, uhh, big, it is my husband's pride and joy (before the baby was born). We went to the fair while I was pregnant and Stephen's goal was to leave with the biggest stuffed animal he could find. He won it playing a game in which a person had to gently throw a quarter perfectly in a small circle. It took 9 tries, $2.25.

7. Gallery Wall: Okay, this is a big project! These pieces were collected throughout my pregnancy and even from before!

     a. Metal Stars: Hobby Lobby! I used a 40% off on multiple occasions (for many of these items) so I paid about $2.75 each

     b. Frames: All these frames were previously hanging in my office. When the office was converted, so were the frames. I painted the frame with the compass using the same grey paint used throughout the room

     c. Arrows: Another Hobby Lobby find! I knew I wanted arrows, and I went looking for a pre-made piece. I couldn't find anything I really liked, so I decided to get raw wood arrows and stain them. They were $4 each and I already had the stain.

     d. Compass: purchased printable on Etsy $5

     e. Fox: purchased printable on Etsy $3 and then I brush lettered "Stay curious, little fox"

     f. Chalkboard: Habitat for Humanity $3 and painted the edges

     g. Dreamcatcher: $12 at Claire's!

     h. Window: The hubby and I got two of these for $30 when we first moved out here. It's twin is hanging in our entry way! I knew I could use it to write notes, times, and reminders. Our beautiful maternity pictures are framed as well.

     i. Wood Art: I got this from a local specialty store called Poppie's. One of the priciest pieces, I paid $25. But it's perfect!

8. Towel: We were gifted this towel, but I spent $12 to monogram it and add a special touch. 

9. Changing Table Organizer: I found this at one of the most random antique stores on the side of the road one day on my way home from therapy. It was handmade in India, and I scored it for $17.

10. Changing Table: Beginning as a dresser back home in my husband's room in LA, he sanded and painted this grey before moving to Charlotte. It was a dresser in our room, and we moved it into the nursery as a special piece for Daxton. Stephen kept the grey paint, which was used on the pieces in the gallery wall, and then for the accent wall. God gave us just enough to squeeze out enough for the whole wall!
11. Glider: My mom and dad gifted us the glider. I knew I wanted a simple, wood and white/cream one (if baby was a girl, it was going to be an oversized sure white one). I searched and my mom scoured the internet until we found this one which was only available at Walmart for less than $200!

12. Woodland Stuffed Animals: Both of these were gifted to us, but they deserve mention because they really round out the room. They were both from Target, and we still need the raccoon! [UPDATE: We got the raccoon!] (http://www.target.com/p/manhattan-toy-folksy-foresters-bear/-/A-21406437?lnk=rec|slp|search_bought|slp|21406437|0)

13. Mobile: This was the very last piece to go up in the nursery. I completed it the last week I was pregnant. My mom came out about a week and a half before Daxton arrived, and she and I completed this together. We found some similar ones online, got the felt we would need. I drew the shapes, my mom cut them out, and then we sewed and stuffed. The wood slab was also from Hobby Lobby. I drilled holes, 3 for the jute rope on top and 5 for the pieces. We used translucent thread to hang the animals and my husband hung it up! Total=$15

14. Crib: Another gift from my parents. From the beginning, no matter the gender, I knew I wanted this exact style crib. We all loved the Jenny Lind crib in White so much, we got it before anything else! Best part, it was only $200!
15. Crib Bedding: All our crib bedding and the large grey quilt are all from my mother-in-law. She bought us all organic bedding. Rest assured, Daxton is sleeping happily and healthy.
16. Hanging Door Sign: I made this door sign for the hospital. I used two raw wood pieces from Hobby Lobby, stained, painted, glued, and wrote. Voila! Total=about $10

17. Metal Sign: My mom found this sign at a Big Lots in California. Naturally, she called the Big Lots close to me and put one on hold for me to pick up. This was something my mom always said to my sister and I, and now, we each have our own. I chose to put it in Daxton's room because he can look at it everyday and know how much I love him. $9

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