On Maturity

Lately I have come across a lot of instances in my life that have made me inflect on the idea of maturity. Defining maturity is just as difficult as it is easy. There are different measures of maturity, different types of maturity, and various things can be assigned a maturity level: cheese, people, wine, video games. I know this may seem like a very random or vague topic, so please bear with me as I write and try to make sense of my own thoughts as well!

When it comes to wine and cheese, maturity is measured by age. When determining the maturity of a person, I can assure you, age has nothing to do with it. I have met the most astonishingly mature ten-year old and a very immature person of fifty-five. One could say that the person who acts childish is the less mature. When we see a child acting not like a child, we praise him for being "mature".

I believe true maturity is when a person is able to act in a manner that is truly reflective of who they are. Basically, when you see guys being complete tools in the manner they treat women, that is honestly not who they are, but they are deflecting some other emotions or feelings in an unhealthy and immature way. When women are full crazy drama psycho maniacs who have no regard to other people's feelings, they are masking their true self and guarding their feelings and emotions in an unhealthy and immature way. But the minute a person decides to fix that, to right their attitude and own up to their emotions and feelings, no matter how irrational or flawed, is the minute that person truly matures. On a much smaller scale, looking back to myself just one year ago, I think how immature I was; I was forcing myself into a career and a lifestyle I was not happy with (this change is reflected in my design style, as illustrated in my previous post "On Starting Over" http://rosemaryandjames.blogspot.com/2015/11/on-starting-over.html). Recently, I began a journey on identifying my true self. In doing so, I have been able to feel more and more like I am truly acting in a way that is reflective of who I am. I find myself slipping and saying or doing something that is immature, meaning a way that is not reflective of who I am, and I always try to catch myself and use it as a springboard for growth.

Maturity in a person has little to do with age and a lot to do with experiences. If a person has been in a situation where they have been encouraged and allowed to be true to their self, they will often be much more mature than someone who has not. Perhaps that is why tweens (hate that word) and teens are usually seen as immature; they are finding identifying themselves while they are often trying to graduate, pick a career, struggling to make their parents happy, make good grades, stay involved, and just have fun!

So basically, if you're reading this and hoping to take something away, remember that life is too short to be anyone but yourself...I know I heard that somewhere so I just looked it up. Thank Anne Hathaway for that advice. But really, seek true maturity and you will find yourself; seek yourself and you will find true maturity.

Au revoir!
T

On the Value of Education

In a few of my previous posts, I've written about my experience with education. I struggled most of my life sitting in classes trying to remain disciplined. Unfortunately, I was not encouraged in the areas that would allow me to fully develop my strengths and skills. When a student finds something they are interested in, it is extremely important to harness that attention and interest in education so that student does not suffer through school thinking of it as something to get over with quickly. Instead, students should strive to further their education, knowing that what they are learning will help them on their career path. I went to school all my life thinking I was going to become an educator, knowing full well my strengths had nothing to do with sitting in a classroom for my career, especially because I could barely do it through high school! I went to college as a major in education. I wrote this story my senior year for a final in which I had to write a lesson plan and followed by a narrative. I wrote my lesson surrounding Bud, Not Buddy, a story about a boy in 1936 who goes on a search for his dad. (The Sailor Moon pics are just because I'm obsessed...)

There once was a girl I knew who just didn’t like school. She did not like to read, she did not like to write, and she did not like computers. Her mother said computers would take over the world, and she had never used one before. When she brought books home, her mother would not read to or with her and she did not know why. When she wrote stories, her mom would look at them and throw them away. She tried to tell her teachers she could not read well, but her level was just high enough to pass her to the next grade. She wanted to be held back; maybe then her mom would help her. This made the girl not want to do homework or study. When her teachers threatened to call her mom or send a note home, she only got worse. As the end of the year grew closer and closer, the girl prayed she would not make it to the fourth grade. Alas, she was assigned a fourth grade teacher.

When school began, the girl knew she was in for it. This teacher seemed genuinely nice—she greeted every one with smiles and mechanical pencils—and the girl felt she did not want to disappoint her new teacher. All day, she paid attention in class and listened to everything the teacher said. Then, the teacher said they would do a research project toward the end of the year! A research what? The girl felt sick. She regretted slacking off the year before. That night, the girl went home and told her mom about school and how she was nervous for the research project. She hoped maybe her mom could help. The mom said something about not being able to help her and that she wouldn’t be able to complete her project. This made the girl angry and renewed her will to slack off, no matter how nice the teacher was. Throughout the year the teacher would ask the girl about her research project. She didn’t want to talk about it, or school in general, so she stayed quiet. She still never turned in her homework, though she secretly did it so she wouldn’t fall too far behind.

Finally, the time came for the research project. The girl felt somewhat ready and prepared, but knew she would not turn anything in. The teacher went through the first chapter of the book they were to study and read with them! The girl couldn’t believe it! Then, the teacher showed all the students how to use a computer! The teacher kept asking if anyone had questions—some people asked questions that really helped her, and some asked really silly questions. 

The teacher came up to the girl and asked her if she had any questions. She did; the girl didn’t know how to get rid of the number that popped up every time she hit “enter”. The teacher remarked that the girl must be very advanced if she was numbering her bullets, and the girl finally spoke up: “I actually don’t know how to get rid of them.” Without skipping a beat the teacher smiled and explained to her she had automatic numbering on. The teacher said it can help, but sometimes it can also get in the way. The teacher showed her how to get rid of the numbering system if she wanted. The teacher also said the girl could stay in on recess and practice working on the document and using the computer. The girl thanked the teacher and did just that. The girl realized she could always find someone to help, whether it was her mother or not. She decided she would try harder in school; all her peers knew how to use the computer and she should learn too! She found out she loved using the Internet with its' endless sources of information! She stayed in every recess she could and soon enough she was done with her research project before any one else. She felt so proud when she printed her notes and her research paper and turned it in. She even added a cover paper, which she had seen done on the Internet of course. 

When she brought home her A+, her mom looked at it and not saying anything set it on the counter, not in the trashcan. It sat there for a few days, and then disappeared. When the girl asked her mom about it, the mom got tears in her eyes. Her mom didn’t know how to read! From then on, the girl then read to her mom every night before bed about the little boy who went on a search for his father. 

On Living With Anxiety

When I tell people I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), they usually assume that I get stressed easily and I don't know how to handle it.

Yes, I get stressed. I get stressed under any number of circumstances. Unfortunately, this extends to many aspects of my life. I have claustrophobia, social anxiety, trouble sleeping, extreme dizziness, heart palpitations, and shortness of breath on a daily basis. These symptoms are before and after a panic attack. During a panic attack, all these symptoms are elevated, with the addition of new ones. Now if I could cure it, handle it, or help it in anyway, I definitely would. This is not something I wish to experience. I promise I do not do it for attention, nor do I use it as a way to cope. There is no way to "cure" or "prevent" anxiety or anxiety attacks, and don't even try to argue me on this one--controlling or lessening attacks is possible, but not the same thing.

Fortunately, early on in life, I was very self aware of my symptoms. I was the kid who would get $5.00 from the tooth fairy and go to the grocery store with my mom and freak out over what to spend my money on. I couldn't decide if I wanted gum, which would last me a decent amount of time, a toy which would last 'forever', or chips, super delicious but wouldn't last long. When my parents would take me to get ice cream, I was always the last to order because I couldn't decide. I would consider all my options with a ridiculous weight. What if I tried a new flavor and think I like it, but it gets old quickly and I can't finish it? What if I try my sisters and realize I want hers instead? What if I stick with my regular Mint Chip and regret not trying something new? (This has by no means changed at all, but if pressured, I can easily make last minute decisions...don't give me too much time to consider my options is my advice!) I learned how to stay strong and smile through the pain. I believe I can control my anxiety, and I have not given up hope that I truly will one day.

I remember when I was in third grade, I went to the nurse's office with the worst headache my seven-year-old self had ever experienced. I was crying, holding my head, shaking, shivering, sweating. My mom picked me up and took me to the ER. I had just experienced my first panic attack. By that time, the doctor classified it as a migraine, which still was a lot for my little body (y'all, I was really tiny!) and from that point on, my doctor became my closest confidant, seeing me regularly to monitor my migraines and other symptoms. I didn't have another major panic attack until senior year of high school--my parents were great at helping me calm down when I started to get crazy. I was driving home, completely satisfied with my life, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I felt dizzy and couldn't see straight. Luckily, I snapped out of it quickly, and immediately made a doctor's appointment. I had two more that week. My doctor realized I have GAD. He told me to limit the stress in my life and stop spreading myself so thin. If you know me, you know that is impossible. I am a yes person through and through. If someone somewhere needs my help, I am there! I also have OCD, and these two things combined with my raging migraines makes my life a bit of a challenge. I am on medication for it and I am totally not ashamed. A huge thing many people with anxiety deal with is shame, which I have none of. I don't know how I got this way, but I am able to logically walk away from my panic attacks at times (see my blog about balancing logic and emotions http://rosemaryandjames.blogspot.com/2015/11/on-controlling-your-emotions.html). I definitely know my parents helped me get to a place where I am healthy enough to handle myself, but there are times that I just can't. I was just in New York, in the middle of Times Square, and I couldn't control myself when a panic attack hit. I am definitely an extroverted introvert (I can totally talk to people and speak up for myself, but I gain energy from being alone) and I had not been alone for almost a week. I was in the throes of hundreds of tourist families and creepy Elmos. It all became too much; I had been too strong for too long and I broke. It can happen anywhere, anytime! This makes my life one that is hard to share and I am a lot of work.

I call this post "living" with anxiety, not "suffering" or "dealing with" because suffering is not living and dealing with yourself is not necessarily a healthy way to go about living with your flaws or feeling good about yourself. I embrace my downfalls so that I can work with them and control them. Owning up to me flaws allows me to feel more self-confident when I am really down on myself. I have spent my whole life getting to this point. It is not impossible. Whatever your downfall, your flaw, your negative aspects, I promise you there is a line of people waiting to help you! I have been blessed with so many people in my life who have not only helped me, but inspired me and pushed me to better myself even more. The only people who have no hope are serial killers and pervs. Those are not downfalls to embrace. Please don't. Otherwise, wear your heart on your sleeve and be honest with yourself and everyone in your life! It not only hurts you when you keep your flaws to yourself, but it hurts those around you. Believe in yourself and in your loved ones. If they don't stick around to see you through your worst, they don't deserve you at your best! (Someone else said that, but I can't remember who, so don't give me credit...I wish). If you say you can't find anyone to accept you, you aren't being honest enough.

Here are 6 articles that I have found to be helpful in many ways:
~31 Secrets of People Who Live With Anxiety http://themighty.com/?p=37087?st=pinterest
~Anxiety Facts: 12 Important Ones You May Not Know http://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-facts/
~24 Things People With Generalized Anxiety Disorder Want You To Know http://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/hello-anxiety-my-old-friend?crlt.pid=camp.GoOtMTZDS3tK#.clNPnLyd0
~ A Letter to Husbands: Three Ways To Help Your Wife With Anxiety http://www.nittygrittylove.com/a-letter-to-husbands-3-ways-to-help-your-wife-with-anxiety/
~Supporting a Loved One Through PTSD or Panic Attacks https://sometimesmagical.wordpress.com/2013/10/26/supporting-a-loved-one-through-ptsd-or-panic-attacks/
~20 Struggles You Go Through When You Date Someone With Anxiety http://elitedaily.com/dating/dating-someone-with-anxiety/907721/

Au revoir
-T