If someone were to open my yearbook from my senior
year of high school, most messages concluded by reminding me to follow my
dreams. I never thought much about it until now because it is a perfectly
acceptable thing to wish on someone; why would anyone not want to follow their
dreams? Dreams make you feel happy and hopeful. Not having a dream to achieve
seems terribly depressing, as if there is no hope or happiness in life, no goal
to work toward. What is the point of going though life without an ultimate goal
that seems slightly unattainable, but knowing you can get there with enough
hard work and dedication?
What no one told me is that dreams change. There
are many reasons a dream can change and it happens to pretty much all of us.
Every five year old dreams of being a superhero, a princess, or some other
fictional character (but really one of my Kindergarteners wanted to grow up to
be Elsa), which many adults condone because it’s cute at the time. But at what
point does someone tell you that the chances of you becoming a pop star or Elsa
are pretty much slim to none. These dreams are sent to some unseen graveyard by
every child when they realize there is something they want that they cannot
attain. Has anyone looked into the idea that maybe those attitude-filled
adolescents are so mean is because they are at the point of realizing they need
to figure out a real goal in life? Poor kids know that they won’t be the next
Avengers character or Hannah Montana. They're stuck waking up every morning
wondering what they are working toward and why school matters, being told one
day they will hopefully graduate college and go off into the real world.
Perhaps we are at the point where I explain why
this all pertains to me, and why anyone should care what I have to say on the
subject. Growing up, I was the ultimate dreamer. I mean, any childhood dream to
be had, was, and all by yours truly. I went through my princess phase (i think
I still am, actually), and then after turning into a Kindergarten know-it-all,
i realized I was going to be a ballerina. Third grade saw my cosmetologist
phase, and fourth grade brought my big screen dreams. In middle school, I
wanted to be a fashion designer, which was a bad idea from the beginning, so
thank you Mom for not supporting that one! When I made high school cheer, I
thought I could make a career out of that and be an NFL cheerleader. Tenth
grade gave way to me becoming an aspiring photographer (no really, this was a
good one), and high school concluded with me deciding I had the vocals enough
to do something: Broadway, big screen, solo artist, all girls pop group (Hello
Spice Girls cover band!), even backup! But alas, I went to school to become an
educator. All the dreams i dreamt were sent to the graveyard to be buried until
I had kids and could dream vicariously through them.
Unfortunately, I didn't really explore these dreams. I knew my parents
wanted me to be successful, but I knew they would not be able to fully support
me in my artistic endeavors at the time, since most of them did not require me
to attend a four-year university. All my life, my parents warned me I have
freedom in all I do except the choice of attending college. The one thing I
could see myself doing that wouldn't be terrible that I could go to a four-year
uni for was teaching(everyone always told me I would make a great teacher one day)--looking back, I now know there were many options, but I
had no way to work those out for myself in my 18 year old brain. I knew I would
still get to exert my creativity in my classroom and I was always great with
kids. My mother is an educator and I was excited to follow in her footsteps.
College began and I was a History major, ready to teach history. I was so happy
with my decision for about 5 months. I changed my major to general education so
i could teach elementary school. I was genuinely happy with my decision. I
couldn't wait until I got my own classroom and had the power to inspire young
minds. These kids would be the first victims of my dreams dug up from beyond. I
would let them know everyday that they could truly be whatever they wanted to
be, if they never gave up. I truly believe that, but who would I be to tell
hundreds of kids this over the years when i couldn't even follow my own dreams
(which are at this point of my story is to be an event coordinator)? My senior
year of college brought on a lot of doubt. I had a lot going on, but I was
really depressed. I realized i had put a lot of money, time, and soul into an
education i didn't want anymore. But alas, I pushed on, and at the end of the
year, I moved to North Carolina, knowing I could teach anywhere. After moving,
I didn't start work right away; I knew i would be entering a doomed
future.
This past February, I started teaching at a private
daycare. Half my class was comprised of adorable fresh-faced kindergarteners,
and the rest were pooled in from surrounding schools for the after school
program. I felt so confused every day upon waking and upon sleeping. I
absolutely adored these children, some of whom i still keep in touch with
(their parents of course, I'm not a creep!). But I got burnt out absolutely way
too quickly. Having spent about a fifth of my life learning what to expect when I finally begin teaching, I knew I would experience burnout; I had also learned
ways to avoid it. No matter what I did or who I confided in, I could not get
over the sinking feeling that i was wasting my time and the time of my
employers and my students. After six months, I left to pursue my newfound
ultimate dream: interior design.
Dreams instill a drive deep in the soul that gently
warns us if we fail, we’re screwed, so we have no choice to succeed. To
recognize and follow a dream has got to be one of the scariest and bravest acts
a person can commit. Some people are lucky and have a multitude of supporters
to call on when they are feeling a lack of drive, while others have a select
few, if any, people they know they can count on. I unfortunately am one of the
latter, which makes this whole process that much harder.
Ultimately, i want everyone to know that dreams are truly 100%
attainable! If Kate Middleton could become a modern day Cinderella, you CAN
become a superhero! I know people who have succeeded the only thing they ever
wanted, and those people are true visionaries, and are really out there. Maybe
you won't have a straight path to fulfill your dreams, and maybe you will have
to work a little harder than others, but once you're there, you can look back
on all the haters and wave at them from the greener grass. But the key is having
the strength to recognize what it is you want and finding the drive to succeed
in your wildest dreams. The minute you know you're ready, go for it! Don't let
anyone stop you, even if they carried you in their womb for nine months. You
owe nothing to anyone but yourself, so you do you and let everyone else watch
and learn.
Au revoir!
-T
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