On the Tongue Tie

Dax got his tongue tie clipped today. I was by myself and there was blood. It was such a hard thing to do as a mom, watching my child purposely be put in pain, knowing I could stop it. To top it off, I am really not good with blood. I was forced to get a little better because of pregnancy, but I still got so anxious when Daxton got his shots last Monday. I knew I would be a wreck if he had to get his tie cut, so I told myself and my family that if he did, I would schedule it separately so Stephen could be there with me. That didn’t happen.

When I got there (the facility was super modern and clean), I checked in and filled out a medical history (for his short 4 months of life). It took a while for us to get called back. I wish I had spent that time preparing my mind to be strong for D, but I was so adamant that I wouldn’t do it. When we went in, the nurse asked a bunch of questions and told me how her daughter had to have her tongue tie cut. She said she was nervous too and had left the room. She told me the doctor would not recommend getting it cut if he truly did not think it needed to be done. She had worked there for a while and had seen a lot of appointments go with ways. She showed me the tools he would use if he did end up doing the procedure. When the doctor came in, I had just put Daxton to sleep. He was so tired already and I knew he would be so grumpy upon waking up. So I woke him up, he fussed, the doctor looked at his tongue, he fussed a lot more. After maybe 45 seconds, he said to me that he could cut it quickly and right away. I was a little taken aback…well a lot! He suddenly is explaining to me the process and only looked at my baby for a minute and is ready to literally cut him! I barely had a chance to register everything. I asked if he thought it was bad enough to get it done or mild enough that it wouldn’t affect him. He said he would definitely recommend it get cut, since we had had breastfeeding issues previously. The whole point of this appointment was to see if a specialist thought his tie should be cut. I had my answer! My husband and I had been talking about cutting his tie for so long, we had already decided that if the doctor thought it should be cut, it would be. The doctor explained to me that he had had his tongue clipped way back when by his dad who was also a surgeon. He said it was painful for a bit but he was fine. He said he would put a numbing agent on the area and he wouldn’t even feel it. I asked if I could reschedule for tomorrow so my husband could be there. The look he gave me said to me that he thought I was weak. I realized I wasn’t being strong for my baby. Daxton and I will have a lot of times when he gets hurt or needs shots and I will be the one who has to handle it. I can’t always be squirmy and hide in the corner. I want Daxton to know he can count on me for anything. I imagined him falling and getting really hurt and needing me but hesitating because he knows i would be queasy. It would kill me for my child to feel that I cannot provide the kind of support they need, no matter how I feel. I realized I needed to put aside my fears and man up to be the person I want my child to admire and count on. So I said, “No, I can do it”. He asked if I was sure and I said “Yes, I am sure.” He asked me if I wanted a nurse to hold him or if I wanted to. Again, I wanted to, but I knew that I may not hold him the way the doctor would need and the nurses would have done it before and be much better than I would. The doctor said they always recommend nursing/feeding the baby immediately after the procedure, so I was ready. I put aside my wants and fears and stayed strong for my baby. It was over in 60 seconds. He cried terribly, but because he hates being forced to not move. He cries like that when I clip his nails. He bled a little. It got on his paci and on his pants. We went into the other room and I nursed him for a while. He fell asleep. He was fine. I did’t tell anyone what happened until I was nursing him and I finally had a minute to process everything. But wow, I was so proud of myself. I realized if I could do this, I could be there for D. As we were walking to the car, I realized I would get to tell him this story one day and tell him how I conquered my fears because I wanted to be a stronger person for him. When I put him in the car, he was all smiles. 

Daxton is now sticking his tongue out and is still nursing like a champ. I am not nervous that his teething would mess with our nursing process. I really feel like I made the right choice. The way it happened was a little out of my comfort zone, and I hate that my husband wasn’t with me, but I feel this was truly something that needed to happen. And what a bonding moment for mom and baby. I am glad I made the choice to cut it so he wasn’t a toddler dealing with speech issues and having to experience this issue when he is much more aware. Or he could be an adult who wishes he had had it cut. I’m dealing with a lot of self-doubt about the situation, even though I am sure of my decision. I would love to hear some stories and get some support from mamas who have also dealt with this!

Anyway, today resulted in a lot of cuddles…

On Maintaining Family Traditions

Yesterday was another busy day; I literally FORGOT to blog! As I sit down to type out my daily excursions, I realize every day just how much I try to get done. I'm going to take a day off pretty soon and just love on the babe. But yesterday was also an important day, so I digress. 

We went on a mile and a half walk in the morning inviting people to Easter at Elevation. We spent five hours deconstructing, packing, and sending Stephen's family heirloom cradle, I volunteered at church for the next four hours while Hubby and Bub spent some quality time together. And finally one of my closest friends/mentors arrived after a very long drive from WV. 

The important part of the day was the whole cradle scenario. Such a wonderful chapter of our parenting journey has come to an end. Stephen's family has a cradle that all the kids on his mom's side of the family have slept in. Daxton was the 12th baby to continue this tradition. We were so excited when we got the cradle. It got a prime spot in our bedroom. We set it up so carefully and perfectly. My MIL bought extra organic fitted sheets and I handmade (for the first time ever) a fitted sheet for the mattress pad. There are plaques on the cradle declaring which children have slept in it and their dates of birth. I would stare at my husband's name and imagine my son's name joining his eventually! When we came home from the hospital with Daxton, we couldn’t wait to put him in the cradle. At this point, it is important to remind and reinforce readers that Dax was born 10 pounds and was already rolling to the sides (because he moved so much and was so strong!). When we walked in the door, Stephen gave Daxton a home tour (I will share that video eventually), and at the end of the tour, Stephen laid Daxton in the cradle. Once Stephen let go of him, D rolled over, the cradle got rocky, and it really seemed like it would swing so much D would fall out. Now, obviously we knew that wouldn’t happen, but it was still scary how Daxton was rolling over but not rolling back. Once we figured out sleeping habits and routines, we knew he preferred to be at an angle and he slept longer if he was being held or rocked. We used the Rock N Play because it met all his sleeping needs, which was really important because he was sleeping terribly, so mom and dad were sleeping terribly, too! At two months, we had gotten a Dock A Tot, a good swaddle, and learned that Daxton is actually pretty resilient, so we tried the cradle. It worked! He slept great flat and not being rocked. Stephen and I were so emotional and happy that we could claim our child had slept in there as well. 

A few weeks after Daxton was born, we found out Stephen’s cousin and his girlfriend were expecting. We were so excited; their baby was due in a month and we said how cool it would be that both their kids would be so close in age. Then we realized this meant the cradle was needed elsewhere. We thought we would have more time with it. I had thought that when Daxton started walking and playing he might puts his stuffies in their for their “nap”. I had imagined it becoming a staple in his nursery and I could show him his Daddy’s name on the plaque. It was such a bittersweet moment to be so happy and sad. He was already so used to his sleeping habits (rocking, incline) that we couldn’t change it at this point when he was just starting to sleep so well. So we held on to the cradle as long as we could. I made sure to take pictures when I could (usually the lights are off and he’s asleep when he’s in it). Now, we just have to hope that we can have our next baby (not for a long time!) sleep in it from the beginning and we won’t take advantage of it like we had. 

On Gender Stereotyping

Today, I put my boy in a bonnet. Most of us millennials don't see bonnets as being for one gender or another, but I know plenty of people who think I shouldn't have bought my boy a bonnet or that its weird. For some reason, society has turned bonnets into a "girl thing", even though all babies used to wear bonnets decades ago. I don't want there to be anything my boy shouldn't do because it's a "girl thing". I will be just as thrilled if my son wants to pursue a career in fashion or ballroom dancing as I would if he wants to pursue baseball. This doesn't mean I am going to purposely do something to my son just because I don't want him to be too attached to one gender; I wouldn't go out of my way to put him in a lavender onesie or wear flowers on his head. And I do see him as my son; I don't want to raise him to be gender neutral, because I believe in the beauty of each gender as designed by God. If I see a cute onesie that has a gender specific saying (i.e. "Daddy's Little Girl), I will definitely not dress him in that, no matter how cute I think it is. I also will not dress him in super stereotyped boy onesies either (i.e. "Chicks dig me," or "Built tough like Daddy", with few exceptions). My philosophy is to raise him away from societal gender "norms" so that he will not feel constrained.

Growing up, my "favorite color" was pink. I am 100% sure the reason for this is because it is my mom's favorite color (reason being when I found out my Nana's favorite color was green, I quickly changed my favorite color to green as well...I was very impressionable). My mom is a girly girl through and through. She went through her tomboy phase growing up, but she loved (yeah right, still loves) lace and pink and frills and wants a fluffy white cat with a pink bow named Fifi or something like that. Like I said, I was very impressionable, so I was also quite the girly girl. I would request the color pink for whatever I could and I loved to wear dresses. Suddenly, around 4th grade, I entered my tomboy phase. I will shamefully admit to the following fashion crimes: Pepe Jeans, pants with multiple zippers to change lengths, terribly generic eight-year-old graphic tees. I begged my mom to let me cut my hair (which she didn't until 7th grade and I should have listened to her and never cut it) so that I could have a more "tomboy" look. I am so thankful my parents didn't fully embrace this stage of my life. If my mom got rid of all my dresses, bought me Converse instead of jellies, and let me cut my hair, I definitely could have felt she was encouraging me into boy-like behaviors. As I said twice now, I was impressionable. If at anytime my parents would have encouraged something stereotypically boyish, I would have continued down that road. Instead, they did both. I had the Converse AND the jellies. I had my dresses, and unfortunately, I had my 3-tier pants. She didn't try to conform me. They never said, "You're a girl so you have to wear a dress," or "You're a girl so you can't have Wheelies". DISCLAIMER: My mom did like to dress us up, especially for holidays, but she made sure we knew it was because it was something she wanted and not something we were supposed to want to do.

My husband is a sweet man, but a man through and through. When I found out we were having a boy, I immediately began to buy and look for clothes. We knew he would be born at the end of November, so I knew I would have to get him his first Christmas outfit. I wanted to get him a smock, and Stephen very adamantly did not want his son wearing a dress. Not only are smocks a very Southern thing, they also make some specifically for boys. When we were looking for an outfit to bring Daxton home in, his only stipulation was that it not look "too girly". Update: Daxton did not wear a smock for Christmas, in large part because I never got around to ordering him one, but he does have one for Easter! I want to make sure that as Daxton gets older, he doesn't see pink as a color he shouldn't wear or bonnets as something for girls. I want him to be open to everything. I want him to go through style phases and do the preppy thing, do the skater thing, do the athlete thing (gym shorts, tall socks, nike sandals) so that he will find himself without rethinking who he truly is.

On Our Co-Sleeping Story

What a controversial topic! I think it is important to define what co-sleeping actually is. There are different ways a parent can co-sleep with their baby: same bed, separate/extended surface like bedside sleepers, and same room, separate surface. I am not talking about having baby sleep in bed with you, because I agree with the big guys who declare it unsafe (besides the possibility of rolling into your baby, adult mattresses are made very differently than infant mattresses to provide proper spine and body growth and development. Also, comforters, pillows, sheets, even mama hair all pose a threat to baby). I define co-sleeping as baby sleeping in the same room as his parents.

For the first two months of his life, Daxton slept in the rock n play because he preferred the upright position and he wasn't able to roll around(because he was already turning into his side from day one!). Then, at two months, we put him in the DockATot in an heirloom cradle (post about that coming at you on Saturday) that my husband slept in when he was a baby. Four months was our original goal for co-sleeping because that is when the risk of SIDS lowers significantly. We've now reached that point and we seriously don't want to end co-sleeping yet!

Daxton turned 4 months one week ago. We are going to be sending the heirloom cradle on to the next family baby, so we didn't have a place for Dax to sleep in our room. We don't want to regress if we can help it and keep him in the rock n play (with his length and weight, in pretty sure he can't use it anymore), so my MIL bought us a Moses basket (anyone have a stand I can use?) so that we still have the option of keeping him in our room. But Stephen and I were so sure if loving him into his room. We thought it was developmentally appropriate and we didn't want to hinder his growth. After we spent so much time putting together his nursery, we want to make sure it gets a lot of use. But in reality, WE aren't ready. Stephen and I don't want to get up and walk all the way across our home to give him his paci when he loses it twice at night. And what if his breathing monitor goes off and we don't hear it? How long will he have to cry until we wake up and tend to him. Really, he only wakes up once at night, and promptly goes back to sleep, but he would be so far from us.

So I felt I was the one really pushing for D to transition into his room and I could tell Stephen was just going along with what I said. Last night I asked him regardless of what I think, is he ready to transition D? He said he wants to give it another month. So we now have an open ended co-sleeping plan and that really makes my soul happy.

Here are some links for articles/info pages I found helpful and informative regarding co-sleeping:
http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/cosleeping/
http://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/
https://www.thebump.com/a/myths-and-truths-about-co-sleeping
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes
http://www.cosleeping.org

-T

On Super Powers

I must think I have super powers; I spent today running around trying to get what felt like a million things done! We had moms group at the park, a Target trip (duh), a chiropractor appointment, a stop by the post office, and a grocery trip (mama scored on those organic deals!). After all this, we still went on a nice walk. I am so exhausted! Why do I push myself so hard like this? I really need to stop because it all hit me pretty hard today.

I had another anxiety spout. This one was similar to one I had about a week ago. It hit me out of nowhere: first I felt exhaustion, then I felt like my muscles over-relaxed, then I felt jittery and my hands were shaking. I lost my appetite and felt so tired like I could pass out anywhere. I feel like these are the after effects of a strong feeling of what Holly Golightly and I call "the reds". "The reds" are when you're afraid, but you don't know what you're afraid of. I felt like previously to this both of these anxiety episodes. Except today, I know what I was afraid of.

I love music and I love dancing. Today, D and I were listening to "From the Ground Up" by Dan + Shay. I was holding him, singing to him, and dancing around our living room with him. As I sang, I started to cry. I don't know how to watch my baby grow up. I just want to pause time and keep him in my arms forever. I hate that there is nothing I can do besides take pictures and videos to remember this moment. I feel like my anxiety makes my mind so clouded that I forget so many things! Of course I remember big things, but will I remember all the times he smiled at me, or when his eyes light up when I tell him good morning, or how he used to fall asleep on me all the time. Will I remember all the things that make him laugh? How on earth am I supposed to be happy that he is growing up if I want him to stay this age forever. As I'm typing this, he is getting older and I just want to hold him so tight as if that will make time stand still. I began to think of my childhood and how hard it must have been for my parents to watch my sister and I grow up. My parents did such a good job raising us and creating a loving home. I have such wonderful memories and I would love to tell anyone who asks about how lucky I am to have had a perfect childhood. I used to think that if I didn't have a special story or tragedy in my life that I wasn't important (thanks to shows like The Voice where EVERYONE has something to make them "different"). But I realize that I am so blessed to have grown up with both my parents and my sister in our little home. I want to give that to Daxton to and I am so scared that I will do something wrong (this is an anxiety thing and though it is nice, I do not need encouragement on this because I already know "every mom makes mistakes," and "don't be so hard on yourself," and "every family is different," etc. I am just thinking 'out loud'). I realized the immense pressure I have put on myself to try to make sure I am as good of a parent to Daxton as my parents were for me. I know she doesn't mean it this way, but when my mom says, "Well with you guys..." or "When I did __ this way...", I question and doubt myself. I have a high standard to meet and I want the best for my child. So naturally, this sent my mind into a craze imagining all that I want to give my child, and I think coming down from that caused my body to react physically. I have been dealing with the shaking hands for a while, and I realized that I really need to go back to my therapist. I made an appointment for two weeks out, so look forward to that!

Well, I am seriously emotionally exhausted from the day. D is bathed and asleep (how cute is he in this towel from Grandma and Grandpa which really brings out his eyes), so mama needs to get to sleep, too. Here's to a new day tomorrow!
-T

On a Big Day!

What a day! So many exciting things happened and I'm just loving life! 

First, my teething, regressing 4 month old slept about 9 hours! If you read the article I included in my previous post (http://thebringitonmom.blogspot.com/2017/03/on-gods-hidden-blessings.html?m=1), you know the cause of this 4 month sleep regression is basically that your child thinks they're well rested when they wake up between sleep cycles. Daxton has always been a rockstar at connecting his cycles. I remember when we were still in the hospital, he had fallen asleep and my whole family was in the room. We heard him start to stir so we all froze and looked to see if he was waking. I watched him connect his sleep cycles for the first time at that moment and I'm sure my dad thought I was being dramatic in my excitement, but what a special thing! Anyway, last night, he fell asleep around 9:30. He started to wake between cycles twice, my husband gave D his paci, and he was back to sleep in seconds. He finally woke up at 6:30! I thought he was up for the day, but I still wanted to see if he would sleep more. He went back to sleep from 6:45-8:30! How awesome and crazy is that. 

Thank God I had all that sleep because I had two babies to care for today. One of my friends has a son exactly 2 months younger than D so they're obvs BFFL's. I got to take care of him and we had a whole day to hang out. It was so fun to get the boys together! Last night I asked Stephen, "Am I crazy for agreeing to take on two babies tomorrow?" He answered, "Yes!" I said, "Okay. What would you have done?" He replied, "Say yes!" It was such a blast, but of course there were some obstacles. D's BFF has 4 siblings, so he is used to sudden and loud noises. Daxton is an only child in a small apartment and is super jumpy! Daxton cried every time his friend cried(but not the other way around!). We went on a walk and carrying the two was definitely a challenge, but I crushed it! I wrapped that little baby and carried Dax downstairs. I put Dax in his stroller and we went on our merry way. All in all, it was a success and I got some super cute pics to prove it! 

While I was taking care of two babies, I had to juggle feeding them. D is still nursing like a champ, so that added and extra challenge. I've been using a nipple shield to nurse because Dax and I have both dealt with some issues making breastfeeding extremely difficult. I was a wreck the first month of his life trying to figure out how to make it work. I was so ready to give up, and just resorted to depending on the shield. I hate using that thing because it's such a hassle; putting it on and making sure it stays on, cleaning it, remembering to bring it with me where ever I go. Today, I thought Daxton wasn't going to nurse at all. He wouldn't turn to eat, he wouldn't latch, he just wasn't having it. Anxiety took over my mind (God kept my soul at peace all day and I was anxiety free, save this moment in my mind) and I thought of the worst case scenario: that Daxton wouldn't want to nurse or eat all day and I would have to figure out how to pump as well as taking care of the two babies. Amidst the feeding chaos, Daxton nudged the shield off with his cheek and latched on shield-less. This in itself wasn't such a miracle because he has gone without here or there, but usually not for long. He spend this entire nursing session without! Then again later. And yet again and again and again! I am so happy I never gave up on breastfeeding and I am so hopeful in continuing to breastfeed!

The last big thing to bless us today was our new exersaucer! Grammy bought D an activity center for our big guy who loves to stand and stomp his legs! Fun turn of events, this mama set it up with very little help from Daddy! He was having a blast! He figured out so much so quickly: the turning, the standing, the grabbing, the buttons. He even moved pieces on the bendy thing (I don't know a better way to explain it). We loved watching him and I'm pretty sure this will make our lives a million times easier! I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds!

-T

On a 4 Month Check Up

Ah where has the time gone? Was it really only a year ago I found out I was pregnant? And now my baby is 4 months old! 

We went to the doctor today for his 4 month check up, which meant more shots. At his two month appointment, I was so nervous for them to administer the shots. I know my baby doesn't like the pain; no one does. But once they gave the vaccines (one in each thigh), his face turned purple as he tried to scream. It was the absolute most horrifying thing I've seen. The veins popped in his skull and he was so miserable. I am definitely for my children getting vaccines. So many diseases have been eradicated because of them. Scientists have done through research (*Michael Scott voice* "This check is made out to Science..."). I don't want my child to be the cause OR effect of an epidemic. I know this is super controversial and not at all what I want to talk about, so I'll stop there. His reaction isn't going to prevent me from having him get these vaccines. I have learned throughout my short time on earth that, though they may try with all their might, a parent cannot and should not shield a child from all pain. We live in a world in which we can find pain in beauty and beauty in pain. It takes a mature person to see life that way, and I hope my son will be one of those people. So if he falls and gets a scrape, I will encourage him to find positivity in that. If a girl breaks his heart, I will encourage him to figure out how that was good (after I break her face). 

So this time, I held him while he received his vaccinations. I didn't give him anything before or after because I didn't want it to affect the vaccinations. He sat in my lap and I gave him my finger to gnaw on. Yeah, he still fussed. He still really didn't like it, and even I didn't want to look. Unfortunately, it seems as if he got his mother's abhorrence for needles. But he calmed down so much faster and took a killer nap after! He was such a trooper. He was all smiles and giggles for the nurses. Doctor said he was amazing and his head is perfectly shaped! He was aware and taking it all in. I would say he did really well!

Current stats: Daxton is:

16 lbs 13.5 oz (76%)

27.5 inches (>99%)

43 cm head (86%)

How did this mama make it through? Clean Juice smoothie before, celebratory Tenders milkshake after!

Also, I had to take out D's head cushion in his carseat and move up the straps to the highest slot!

 

-T