On Breastfeeding and the Unknown

I am currently on a month-long vacation in California visiting friends and family. Daxton and I flew out solo and are braving our first vacation just the two of us. Daxton is meeting a lot of new people and these people are interested in Daxton's routines and behaviors. After being asked about his development, particularly with food and nursing, I felt it was necessary to begin to discuss some of the myths regarding breastfeeding. I cannot believe that women have been nursing since the beginning of time, yet still do not understand the benefits and necessity of breastmilk. Note: While I do believe in the power of breastmilk, I am unfortunately all too aware of the difficulties some moms deal with when trying to breastfeed and that it is not the best option for all families, so ultimately I believe "fed is best".

1. Babies get all their nutrients from breastmilk: TRUE

Babies need nothing else apart from their mother's milk or formula to survive the first year of life. Nothing else will provide the nutrition babies need for their constantly growing and developing bodies. Breastmilk changes based on babies needs. Research (that I am too lazy to find again, but you can look it up yourself or take my word for it) has shown that a mother's milk will change when her baby is sick to help heal the baby. However, it is important that the mother eat well. Mother's should eat well no matter what, but especially when what you put into your body translates into what the baby puts in his. Take care of yourselves, ladies!

2. Baby needs water to stay hydrated: FALSE

Babies should not have water until they are 6 months, and even then they don't need it. Some pediatricians might disagree and say a little is okay at 4 months. The reason for this is baby's kidneys do not fully develop until around 6 months. Water will not be able to properly digest in the body and baby can get very sick and in some cases die from water intoxication (look it up). At 6 months, some doctors will suggest that baby can drink 1-2 ounces a day, especially if you live in a warm environment. In most cases, this is not necessary at all. Mama's breastmilk will keep baby hydrated AND full. Our bodies are mostly made up of water, so imagine all the water going to baby from mom. Don't forget to keep mamas hydrated! We need to keep our water percentage up so that we can properly feed baby! Our pediatrician did recommend to us that Daxton drinks water to help with his constipation, but that would be a circumstance in which we allow ourselves to do something we know is going to help him rather than hurt him, especially knowing he prefers to nurse anyway.

3. Baby should be eating three meals a day: FALSE

I am surprised at how many times I've said that Daxton is hungry and people ask me what he can eat. Uhh, breastmilk all the way! We are journeying through baby-led weaning, so Daxton does "eat meals" but he doesn't eat for nutrients or to fulfill his hunger. Solid food is an adventure for him and he is learning mealtimes and tastes and textures. I was also shocked at how many times I had to explain to people that Daxton doesn't eat meals, he nurses. He will nurse according to his schedule. I give him food when Stephen and I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner to teach him the concept of mealtime, but that doesn't mean he is receiving all the nutrients he needs or that it is even a healthy option. Someone asked me if Daxton ate lunch and I thought, "Well he ate a little bit of food when I ate, but I think they're asking if he was fed, so he nursed, but that wasn't the question." So I had to explain that Daxton doesn't "do lunch". He might ingest some food, but it doesn't classify as lunch, or not in the sense of fulfilling a hunger halfway through the day like adults or older children do. So no he didn't eat lunch, but also yes, he did. 

4. If baby doesn't latch to the bottle or nipple, he must not be hungry: FALSE

I don't know about other mamas, but my baby has always been EXTREMELY curious. If someone talks, he will unlatch. If the TV is on, he won't want to eat. If he knows he can be playing, he won't want to stop to eat. It is mom's job to make sure your child is properly fed. Create an environment that will be conducive to a calm and relaxed state for baby to enjoy nursing/a bottle. This might mean turning off the TV, speaking in hushed or relaxed tones, turning off a light or closing the curtains, and in our case, turning off the ceiling fan. If this doesn't work, don't force your baby to eat, but continue to offer food in the form of breastmilk or a bottle. Baby will be hungry and given the right environment, he WILL eat. 

5. Breastfeeding will happen naturally: FALSE

I cannot emphasize enough how false this is. Babies are born with the reflex to latch, therefore breast feeding will happen naturally for baby. Mamas need to be much more prepared. I was extremely unprepared. There were things I could have spent more time reading about or researching that would have make my journey so much easier, but instead I assumed it would just happen and didn't bother to spend much time on this concept. It definitely did not happen naturally for me and I had multiple anxiety attacks in the hospital. I almost gave up half a dozen times in the ensuing months, but continues to push through until I was finally able to fix the tongue tie and wean off the nipple shields t four months. Ever since, I never want to stop breastfeeding. Prego mamas, do not skim past this subject; do your research and take classes!

6. You can increase your supply: TRUE

There have been many occasions that I have felt like my supply was dwindling. I would freak out and jump online to research how to increase my supply immediately. I was not about to empty my wallet on nutrition bars designed for that purpose and did not feel like investing in a ton of ingredients that might help. There are certain foods called"galactagogues" that are rumored to help with a mother's milk supply. There are teas that combine few or many of these herbs and foods. I figured I could try that because I drink tea regularly as is. I can definitely say that helped. Another option is cutting out caffeine. After I gave birth and was super hungry and hormonal, I drank a lot of soda. I am embarrassed to admit it, but it is the truth and needs to be discussed. Once I cut it out, I found my supply increased as well. Finally, my favorite option for a supply increase is a "lactation vacation". For a period of time, typically a day, do nothing but nurse your baby. Lay in bed with baby all day and nurse as often as baby will allow. I promise you will not spoil your baby (another topic for another post). Every time you nurse, your are sending a signal to your brain to make more milk. The more you feed baby, the more you produce. Also, babies will not overeat. If they cannot handle anymore food, they will cry, letting you know they are full. If you force baby to eat, they can get sick. So follow your baby's cues and feed them as much as possible. 

7. Nursing is a wonderfully difficult reward: TRUE

As I said earlier, I never want to stop. But at the same time, I want my freedom back. I want to be able to go shoot a wedding or plan a day away without also planning times to pump and thawing breastmilk bags from the freezer. But there is literally no greater joy to experience in life than watching your child be supported from you in a way no one else can. I struggled in bonding with my baby a little at first, but nursing him completely fixed that. I get so emotional sometimes when I see how satisfied and happy Daxton is after nursing. Sometimes, it is the only thing that can calm him and help him sleep, and I don't mind one bit. Daxton has decades before him; I can spare a few months to help him receive the best nutrition he can and develop our bond even more. 

On What No One Tells You About Breastfeeding

I wrote this 5 weeks ago and never got around to editing it. So I finally did! Enjoy!

I am a new mom! Only two weeks old, my baby boy and I have a system; he cries and I feed him. But this is a very delicate system that no one could have prepared me for. I am so overwhelmed by the world of breastfeeding, and I know I'm not alone. I hope someone out there will resonate with this article or be able to feel reassured at the fact that breastfeeding is difficult for almost every mom.

1. YOU'RE CONSTANTLY DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR BOOBS.
Whether you're pumping, hand-expressing, massaging, feeding, applying cream, allowing them to air dry, or even just working out the sore spots, the girls will NOT catch a break easily.

2. THERE ARE COUNTLESS POSSIBLE ISSUES. 
My son has a high palette and I have a flat nipple (TMI?), so getting a strong healthy latch was super difficult at first. I was a mess in the birthing room with a nurse who was trying to help the best she could. Finally a lactation consultant came in and was so helpful on setting us on the right track. unfortunately, my breastfeeding story is not nearly one of the worst ones I've heard.

3. YOU WILL MOST LIKELY CRACK AND/OR BLEED. 
Unfortunately for my little guy and I, we got thrush, so I was in a whole world of pain when I breastfed. I thought I had a bad latch at first, but after watching little guy's mouth turn white and get really dry, I realized the cracking and bleeding was thrush. I was mightily alarmed when I saw the blood after unlatching, and I felt like a terrible mother because I knew I had pushed myself past the line; all the lactation consultants warned me that I needed to stop if it became too painful. Thrush is not always the cause of your pain or discomfort, but there are a ton of reasons your girls could be crying, like you're just pushing yourself too far!

4. YOU WILL TEST YOUR LIMITS. 
But it is important to know your boundaries. After pushing a 10 pound baby out in 40 minutes with a great attitude and minimal crying and screaming, my pain tolerance is a lot higher than I thought. I ended up pushing myself too far and causing myself so much anxiety, which caused a lot more issues, like accidentally feeding when I was hurting which caused bleeding while he was latched. I have never felt worse about myself or the choices I've made than at that moment. I knew I needed serious help.

5. YOU MAY NEED TO RESET YOURSELF. 
Luckily, my family was super helpful while my husband and I adjusted to our new addition. My mother, sister, and father took over one night while my husband and I got ample rest and only woke up a few times to feed the baby. That allowed me to quell my anxiety, start with a positive attitude the next morning, and my supply came back tenfold.

6. IT'S TOTALLY OKAY TO ASK QUESTIONS. 
In fact, it's a lot smarter to ask questions as soon as you think of them and use the lactation consultants if you can. I called on at least four different lactation consultants multiple times, and I still remember so much of what they said to me.

7. #fedisbest.
Don't listen to society's pressure that "breast is best". It was long ago proven that the best way to provide for your LO is to breastfeed. But the pressure that family members, doctors, nurses, and other moms put on you to breastfeed is ridiculously heavy. If you can't exclusively breastfeed, if you can't breastfeed at all, or if you choose to exclusively formula feed, good for you! You're choosing to feed your baby. Formula is SUPER expensive. If you want to spend that money after you've spent a fortune birthing your baby (thank God for insurance!) then it is your choice to do so and no one else's. I remember around week 15 of my pregnancy, my husband and I were waltzing on clouds through the baby aisles at  Target. A woman asked if we were expecting, when we were due, if we knew the gender yet. Then she asked if I was breastfeeding. I thought it was a bit invasive since she was a perfect stranger, but I replied that yes,  I am planning to exclusively breastfeed.  She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Good because breast is best and you want the best for your baby don't you?"  I was a little taken aback, but that set the stage for me to feel the pressure to breastfeed. I wouldn't allow myself to think of any alternatives. I donated the samples of formula I had received in the mail. Then the first night I had my LO home, I found out he was starving.  I would not wish that on anyone. My husband and I began to supplement with formula and I do not regret that decision one bit.  Even now when someone asks me if I am exclusively breastfeeding, I feel the pressure to explain to them my decision for supplementing, when it is no one's business but my little family's.  I was not breastfed (my mom had difficulties) and I think I'm pretty healthy and smart person. I do not resent my mom for not breastfeeding me and I have not had any bad health issues. I know that my son will not grow up and resent me for not exclusively breastfeeding him. Life goes on.

8. YOU'RE BABY MAY STARVE.
I just finished reading an article in which a woman wrote how she accidentally staved her child his first month. She was so concerned about providing the best for her baby that she didn't think that he may not be eating enough. She had issues similar to mine and ended up exclusively formula feeding after two months. She was told that she did better than 99% of other breastfeeding moms. I think any woman is a hero for even trying.  Just remember to make sure that your baby is gaining weight.

9.  IT MAY NOT HAPPEN.
If it doesn't happen for you, it is OK. So many moms struggle, and so many moms feel that there is no out. It is OK to make a decision for your mental, emotional, physical health and formula feed your baby. Your baby needs you happy and healthy more than your baby needs breastmilk. Don't let an issue so small take away from such a joyous time.

Forgive me if this was a bit more graphic than you expected, but these are the realities of life. Some moms have a much more difficult time, like my mother. If you feel society weighing you down, check out the website I found encouragement from: https://fedisbest.org/

-T