On Breastfeeding and the Unknown

I am currently on a month-long vacation in California visiting friends and family. Daxton and I flew out solo and are braving our first vacation just the two of us. Daxton is meeting a lot of new people and these people are interested in Daxton's routines and behaviors. After being asked about his development, particularly with food and nursing, I felt it was necessary to begin to discuss some of the myths regarding breastfeeding. I cannot believe that women have been nursing since the beginning of time, yet still do not understand the benefits and necessity of breastmilk. Note: While I do believe in the power of breastmilk, I am unfortunately all too aware of the difficulties some moms deal with when trying to breastfeed and that it is not the best option for all families, so ultimately I believe "fed is best".

1. Babies get all their nutrients from breastmilk: TRUE

Babies need nothing else apart from their mother's milk or formula to survive the first year of life. Nothing else will provide the nutrition babies need for their constantly growing and developing bodies. Breastmilk changes based on babies needs. Research (that I am too lazy to find again, but you can look it up yourself or take my word for it) has shown that a mother's milk will change when her baby is sick to help heal the baby. However, it is important that the mother eat well. Mother's should eat well no matter what, but especially when what you put into your body translates into what the baby puts in his. Take care of yourselves, ladies!

2. Baby needs water to stay hydrated: FALSE

Babies should not have water until they are 6 months, and even then they don't need it. Some pediatricians might disagree and say a little is okay at 4 months. The reason for this is baby's kidneys do not fully develop until around 6 months. Water will not be able to properly digest in the body and baby can get very sick and in some cases die from water intoxication (look it up). At 6 months, some doctors will suggest that baby can drink 1-2 ounces a day, especially if you live in a warm environment. In most cases, this is not necessary at all. Mama's breastmilk will keep baby hydrated AND full. Our bodies are mostly made up of water, so imagine all the water going to baby from mom. Don't forget to keep mamas hydrated! We need to keep our water percentage up so that we can properly feed baby! Our pediatrician did recommend to us that Daxton drinks water to help with his constipation, but that would be a circumstance in which we allow ourselves to do something we know is going to help him rather than hurt him, especially knowing he prefers to nurse anyway.

3. Baby should be eating three meals a day: FALSE

I am surprised at how many times I've said that Daxton is hungry and people ask me what he can eat. Uhh, breastmilk all the way! We are journeying through baby-led weaning, so Daxton does "eat meals" but he doesn't eat for nutrients or to fulfill his hunger. Solid food is an adventure for him and he is learning mealtimes and tastes and textures. I was also shocked at how many times I had to explain to people that Daxton doesn't eat meals, he nurses. He will nurse according to his schedule. I give him food when Stephen and I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner to teach him the concept of mealtime, but that doesn't mean he is receiving all the nutrients he needs or that it is even a healthy option. Someone asked me if Daxton ate lunch and I thought, "Well he ate a little bit of food when I ate, but I think they're asking if he was fed, so he nursed, but that wasn't the question." So I had to explain that Daxton doesn't "do lunch". He might ingest some food, but it doesn't classify as lunch, or not in the sense of fulfilling a hunger halfway through the day like adults or older children do. So no he didn't eat lunch, but also yes, he did. 

4. If baby doesn't latch to the bottle or nipple, he must not be hungry: FALSE

I don't know about other mamas, but my baby has always been EXTREMELY curious. If someone talks, he will unlatch. If the TV is on, he won't want to eat. If he knows he can be playing, he won't want to stop to eat. It is mom's job to make sure your child is properly fed. Create an environment that will be conducive to a calm and relaxed state for baby to enjoy nursing/a bottle. This might mean turning off the TV, speaking in hushed or relaxed tones, turning off a light or closing the curtains, and in our case, turning off the ceiling fan. If this doesn't work, don't force your baby to eat, but continue to offer food in the form of breastmilk or a bottle. Baby will be hungry and given the right environment, he WILL eat. 

5. Breastfeeding will happen naturally: FALSE

I cannot emphasize enough how false this is. Babies are born with the reflex to latch, therefore breast feeding will happen naturally for baby. Mamas need to be much more prepared. I was extremely unprepared. There were things I could have spent more time reading about or researching that would have make my journey so much easier, but instead I assumed it would just happen and didn't bother to spend much time on this concept. It definitely did not happen naturally for me and I had multiple anxiety attacks in the hospital. I almost gave up half a dozen times in the ensuing months, but continues to push through until I was finally able to fix the tongue tie and wean off the nipple shields t four months. Ever since, I never want to stop breastfeeding. Prego mamas, do not skim past this subject; do your research and take classes!

6. You can increase your supply: TRUE

There have been many occasions that I have felt like my supply was dwindling. I would freak out and jump online to research how to increase my supply immediately. I was not about to empty my wallet on nutrition bars designed for that purpose and did not feel like investing in a ton of ingredients that might help. There are certain foods called"galactagogues" that are rumored to help with a mother's milk supply. There are teas that combine few or many of these herbs and foods. I figured I could try that because I drink tea regularly as is. I can definitely say that helped. Another option is cutting out caffeine. After I gave birth and was super hungry and hormonal, I drank a lot of soda. I am embarrassed to admit it, but it is the truth and needs to be discussed. Once I cut it out, I found my supply increased as well. Finally, my favorite option for a supply increase is a "lactation vacation". For a period of time, typically a day, do nothing but nurse your baby. Lay in bed with baby all day and nurse as often as baby will allow. I promise you will not spoil your baby (another topic for another post). Every time you nurse, your are sending a signal to your brain to make more milk. The more you feed baby, the more you produce. Also, babies will not overeat. If they cannot handle anymore food, they will cry, letting you know they are full. If you force baby to eat, they can get sick. So follow your baby's cues and feed them as much as possible. 

7. Nursing is a wonderfully difficult reward: TRUE

As I said earlier, I never want to stop. But at the same time, I want my freedom back. I want to be able to go shoot a wedding or plan a day away without also planning times to pump and thawing breastmilk bags from the freezer. But there is literally no greater joy to experience in life than watching your child be supported from you in a way no one else can. I struggled in bonding with my baby a little at first, but nursing him completely fixed that. I get so emotional sometimes when I see how satisfied and happy Daxton is after nursing. Sometimes, it is the only thing that can calm him and help him sleep, and I don't mind one bit. Daxton has decades before him; I can spare a few months to help him receive the best nutrition he can and develop our bond even more. 

On Babies at the Beach

I love the beach! I grew up in Southern California and I definitely took the beach for granted. I loathed being covered in sand, hated dealing with the parking situation, despised the salt taste that got stuck in your mouth, and always felt so dirty and anxious. After being in North Carolina for 3 years, I am realizing I really miss those things. I don't have a beach 20 minutes away, but 3 hours away. I don't get to go whenever I feel like it. So I knew when I booked my flight home with Daxton, the beach was my number one priority, equal to In-N-Out. 

Sunday was my mom's birthday. We had planned to go blueberry picking, but that season was over. Then we were going to go to the flower fields, but they were out of season. We decided it was beach time. A few years ago we had gone paddle boarding as a family at a beach my sister called "Baby Powder Beach". Turns out it is actually called Baby Beach. We decided it would be the perfect beach for D; soft sand, calm waters, and free parking! 

When my family goes to the beach, it's an experience. There are so many things that go with us. But there were items we brought that we definitely couldn't have been without. First, our Gathre mat that goes with us everywhere (https://gathre.com/collections/highchair-mat/products/tannin-highchair-mat)! It provided a place for Daxton to sit and play that wasn’t completely covered in sand (though it basically was by the end of the trip). Second, our Shadezilla beach cabana (https://www.walmart.com/ip/Shadezilla-Deluxe-Lightweight-2-Person-Tent-with-Carry-Bag/126161591) provided much needed UV protection for my fair skinned child who actually has tanned very well, thanks to me of course! Finally, my mom purchased one of those huge plastic pools which we brought with us and filled with freshwater so that Daxton could have his semi-independent water fun while not inhaling saltwater or braving the dangers of the ocean. Even though these items may not be the easiest to transport, they certainly made the beach a lot easier, which mean more fun! All-in-all, Daxton loved everything about the beach, especially the people watching!

On Baby Led Weaning

So I have been receiving a LOT of interest regarding my baby-feeding methods, so I thought I should address it widely for future reference. This is my take and opinion on baby-led weaning (BLW). There are a ton of other sources to get info from regarding this method and other baby-feeding methods. The book I read and will reference is Baby-Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods and Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett.

First, I need to thank Georgia for telling me about this book and then dropping it off at my doorstep. You are so amazing and you've done so much for our little fam! Ah my mind is so excited to talk about this, I feel like this is going to be the most disorganized post, so bear with me. I am going to try to break this up a lot.

BACKSTORY
We started feeding D at 4 months. He was grabbing for our plates and succeeding because he is so dang strong! We knew he wanted food and he wanted to eat with the big kids. So we gave him purees, because that is what I thought we were supposed to do. My father-in-law would joke around asking D if he wanted some of his food when he was hungry and we were all trying to eat and we had to pass D around and eat dinner together. I was horrified at just the thought of a baby getting real food. He can't chew that! While I do think 4 months is too early to have started BLW, I didn't know it was a thing until my friend, Georgia, said something to me about it when D was 5 months, 3 weeks. I COMPLETELY changed my way of thinking and am literally never going back. BLW does not promote purees, but I actually like the way we did it, since D was early on the desire for food and clearly showing all the signs, but his stomach was not ready. I feel the purees was a good way for him to begin to explore taste. We never regarded the purees as a "meal" rather and "adventure". I think BLW is more than a method, it is a mindset.

BABY-LED WEANING?
Okay, so what the heck is baby-led weaning. It is NOT weaning your baby off anything. It is simply weaning your baby onto solid food. The "baby-led" part means that your baby is in control (for the most part). This is a method of introducing solid foods into a baby's life and allowing them to learn to feed their self. So what ever you choose to feed baby, you won't actually feed him. It goes on his highchair (or a plate if you hate yourself), and he can pick and choose what goes in his mouth, hence the term "baby-led". If you put quinoa, banana, and eggs on your baby's highchair and you notice all the banana and eggs are gone, but the quinoa is just there (probably all over the highchair), chances are baby didn't like it. But don't fret, try again! Because baby will keep wanting to explore food, he will keep tasting what you give him. If he continues to refuse quinoa every time you put it down, then he for sure isn't into it. But you know this because HE TOLD YOU. Also, BLW skips the rice cereal. I don't know about you, but I usually prefer Honey-Nut Cheerios to regular Cheerios, or BBQ chips to regular ones. As adults, we crave flavor. A baby is no different. Baby's are born with more taste buds than an adult. If rice cereal is a first food, they will come to learn of flavorless foods and prefer a bland diet. This is how BLW diversifies food for a baby and produces less picky eaters.

BABY EATS WHEN YOU EAT
BLW allows you to eat at the same time as baby so there is no hand-off, first mom eats, then dad eats. This is probably one of my favorite things now. I used to be petrified at the thought of taking D to a restaurant. When we did, we had to bring toys and pray that he wouldn't fuss, because then we would end up holding him in our lap while we tried to eat. In fact, my sister and I once went to Smoke BBQ and had to take turns feeding him while the other ate. She ended up taking him outside so he wouldn't disturb the other patrons. I felt so embarrassed! Now, we put D in a highchair and give him some of our food. Last week, I took D out and asked the server to bring us extra peppers for D to gnaw on. It was perfect! He ate, I ate, we were happy. Also, I love when people are stunned by how well he eats and behaves. When someone asks "Won't he choke, I am more than happy to explain to them that he is equipped with the knowledge to spit out his food once it gets too far back. All babies are. Babies intrinsically know how to latch onto the breast when they are born, just as they know to spit out a piece of food that they cannot swallow. This allows them to learn to chew, a complex motion if you think about it. Watching D learn all of this and figure it out brings my such joy and pride! I look forward to our meals together now. I love being able to eat with my baby. We eat breakfast in the kitchen every morning and lunch and dinner in the dining room. It is our time to spend together and as he gets older, this will already be something he is used to and it will be our norm. We will discuss life and friends and what we are doing/have done that day.

NO PUREES
What do you feed baby? Solids. Not purees. True "what Mama is eating" solids. Baby eats what you eat which allows baby to feel included. There is no mess or planning as there is with making or buying purees. You don't even have to worry about stages. Baby is capable of putting food in his own mouth. Baby will gnaw on whatever you give him. Any pieces that come off will most often be spat out. D has come to be able to chew and suck on his food enough to swallow it, but most of the time he spits it back out. When D eats peppers (I'm convinced these are his favorite) he is able to break apart pieces, but he still doesn't swallow. Choking hazard? Well, apparently babies gag reflex is closer to the front of their mouth when they are born and slowly moves back as they develop. Whether you want to trust/depend on this or not, babies automatically spit out food when they start to gag on it. The gaging can be scary at first, but watching baby learn from it is amazing! Just now, D was gnawing on an apple slice. He was able to break a piece off (he doesn't have teeth, how the heck does he do it?!) and I was SO nervous, watching him with unblinking eyes as he sucked on this bit that ended up in his mouth. Watching his eyes as he tried to figure it out was so cool. I could see his emotions and I could tell he was learning something new. He knew not to swallow it and to keep it away from the back of his throat, but he was having trouble getting it out of his mouth. He looked at me and started to cry. I took it out for him, and he put it back in! He was determined to master the apple! The key to BLW is (obviously, I should HAVE to say this) DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BABY UNATTENDED. Really, when your baby is eating anything baby should not be left unattended. Especially with solid food, please watch your baby. Especially because its fun!

We LOVE banana pancakes!

Banana pancakes-1 banana, 2 eggs. Mash, whisk, cook, cool, serve.

FOOD EXPLORATION
The best part; baby is STILL BREASTFEEDING! I know Daxton is getting all the nutrients he needs from me, I don't have to obsess over how much he is eating and I can allow him to decide when he is done with a meal or when he wants more. This allows food to be fun. He won't get upset when I try to feed him and he won't eat anymore. As he continues this BLW journey, he will learn that food is something that makes him feel full. He will then slowly want to breastfeed less and less and want solids more and more. Again, refer to the term "baby-led". If I have learned anything from my 6 month journey of motherhood, I have learned that life is so much easier when you follow your baby's cues. In no way am I saying do what baby says, baby is boss; I am simply imploring you to watch your baby and see what their preference is and maybe work with them. Let your baby tell you when they are ready for certain foods and they will be much easier to feed in the future!

THE MESS
The downside to BLW? Holy cow, it is SO messy! I feel terrible because of course I am the one who began our family down this BLW journey, and my oh so loving and devoted husband quickly learned how messy it is and is now, he is always ready after a meal with the broom and WetJet. We realized it would probably work in our favor to get a less bulky, easier to clean high chair and a mat for under the high chair so that messes would be a breeze to clean.

So this is my take on BLW. I know there is so much more I didn't talk about, so ask questions! I really feel like I should stress the importance of checking ingredients in foods and buying organic, especially produce, eggs, and dairy. Check out the EWG's list of top dirty foods to buy organic (https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/dirty_dozen_list.php). My family is adamant about only buying organic or not at all for the dirty dozen. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book I mentioned earlier for any mommas or dads wanting to venture down this road! Oh no, D is crawling now and getting into the tissue box. Gotta go. Enjoy!

On a Big Day!

What a day! So many exciting things happened and I'm just loving life! 

First, my teething, regressing 4 month old slept about 9 hours! If you read the article I included in my previous post (http://thebringitonmom.blogspot.com/2017/03/on-gods-hidden-blessings.html?m=1), you know the cause of this 4 month sleep regression is basically that your child thinks they're well rested when they wake up between sleep cycles. Daxton has always been a rockstar at connecting his cycles. I remember when we were still in the hospital, he had fallen asleep and my whole family was in the room. We heard him start to stir so we all froze and looked to see if he was waking. I watched him connect his sleep cycles for the first time at that moment and I'm sure my dad thought I was being dramatic in my excitement, but what a special thing! Anyway, last night, he fell asleep around 9:30. He started to wake between cycles twice, my husband gave D his paci, and he was back to sleep in seconds. He finally woke up at 6:30! I thought he was up for the day, but I still wanted to see if he would sleep more. He went back to sleep from 6:45-8:30! How awesome and crazy is that. 

Thank God I had all that sleep because I had two babies to care for today. One of my friends has a son exactly 2 months younger than D so they're obvs BFFL's. I got to take care of him and we had a whole day to hang out. It was so fun to get the boys together! Last night I asked Stephen, "Am I crazy for agreeing to take on two babies tomorrow?" He answered, "Yes!" I said, "Okay. What would you have done?" He replied, "Say yes!" It was such a blast, but of course there were some obstacles. D's BFF has 4 siblings, so he is used to sudden and loud noises. Daxton is an only child in a small apartment and is super jumpy! Daxton cried every time his friend cried(but not the other way around!). We went on a walk and carrying the two was definitely a challenge, but I crushed it! I wrapped that little baby and carried Dax downstairs. I put Dax in his stroller and we went on our merry way. All in all, it was a success and I got some super cute pics to prove it! 

While I was taking care of two babies, I had to juggle feeding them. D is still nursing like a champ, so that added and extra challenge. I've been using a nipple shield to nurse because Dax and I have both dealt with some issues making breastfeeding extremely difficult. I was a wreck the first month of his life trying to figure out how to make it work. I was so ready to give up, and just resorted to depending on the shield. I hate using that thing because it's such a hassle; putting it on and making sure it stays on, cleaning it, remembering to bring it with me where ever I go. Today, I thought Daxton wasn't going to nurse at all. He wouldn't turn to eat, he wouldn't latch, he just wasn't having it. Anxiety took over my mind (God kept my soul at peace all day and I was anxiety free, save this moment in my mind) and I thought of the worst case scenario: that Daxton wouldn't want to nurse or eat all day and I would have to figure out how to pump as well as taking care of the two babies. Amidst the feeding chaos, Daxton nudged the shield off with his cheek and latched on shield-less. This in itself wasn't such a miracle because he has gone without here or there, but usually not for long. He spend this entire nursing session without! Then again later. And yet again and again and again! I am so happy I never gave up on breastfeeding and I am so hopeful in continuing to breastfeed!

The last big thing to bless us today was our new exersaucer! Grammy bought D an activity center for our big guy who loves to stand and stomp his legs! Fun turn of events, this mama set it up with very little help from Daddy! He was having a blast! He figured out so much so quickly: the turning, the standing, the grabbing, the buttons. He even moved pieces on the bendy thing (I don't know a better way to explain it). We loved watching him and I'm pretty sure this will make our lives a million times easier! I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds!

-T

On TheBringItOnMom

I have recently been gifted the new life title of mom. I felt that warranted a blog name change; I introduce you to "TheBringItOnMom" by LittleAppellNest. I would like to explain what it is TheBringItOnMom represents.

Eight weeks ago, my son, Daxton Scott, was born on Thanksgiving evening. Eight weeks ago, Monday before my son was born, my husband's NASCAR team dissolved and my husband, Stephen, was without a job. I had finished my job a week before, making a maternity leave permanent. There we were, no jobs and a new baby. Luckily, we had plenty of help from friends and family, and we had enough in savings to get us through. So I said, "Bring it on!"

This all happened during holiday season, so my heart was broken that we were unable to give the way we like to every year. We made do however we could, and I was able to give my son his first Christmas presents, so I said, "Bring it on!"

A month after giving birth, I underwent sinus surgery, which I had needed for about 7 years. There was no way I was waiting any longer! I am glad I did it, but it definitely didn't make life with a newborn any easier. But hey, I said, "Bring it on!"

Daxton was born 10 pounds! Our turkey that we left at home was only one pound more than my baby. Labor was quick and easy (40 minutes and minimal crying/screaming which I will never stop bragging about), but after that, I was SO overwhelmed! Dax barely sleeps during the day and eats CONSTANTLY! And I keep saying, "Bring it on!"

Oh, and Daxton and I had thrush. But whatever, "Bring it on!"

Anyone who has ever had a child can understand how trying that is on your relationships. My friendships, family relationships, and especially my marriage were all put through the ringer. I have to really take care of my relationships and take care of my baby, so you know, "Bring it on!"

On top of it all, I have multiple health problems I'm facing and anxiety that becomes more crippling the more I lose sleep. All these issues do is make everything else I deal with so much harder. But guess what, "Bring it on!"

Throughout these past 8 weeks, or really this whole past year, but especially since the birth of my son, God has been working so diligently in my family. My marriage has grown stronger and we have a wonderful new blessing. It has been so difficult to walk by faith, but now that my husband has found a new job still within his industry, it is so fulfilling knowing God was tearing us down to build us up. Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church gave a wonderful Christmas Eve sermon titled "Learning Hope the Hard Way" (http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/learning-hope-the-hard-way/) which was so encouraging and extremely accurate in our lives at the time. Because I know God so often prunes our lives to make room for new and beautiful growth, I can confidently go through life shouting "Bring it on!"

-T

On the Anxieties of Motherhood

I have come to the realization that motherhood is nothing but a series of small-large panic attacks in between periods of wondering when the next panic attack is going to hit. For someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, this is my constant battle. I know my triggers and I know how I should react, but my focus is so easily moved from my own mental health so that I can prioritize the needs of my baby. I forget that my babies number one need is a healthy momma, physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are so many things that a new mom experiences that will set off an anxiety attack.

Uncontrollable Crying
It happens to every baby and new parent. Every new parent has to learn their child's unique needs and how baby shows his needs are not being fulfilled. But what about when you run through "the list" and still have a fussing kid. "The list" is as follows: is baby hungry, dirty, too warm or too cold, gassy, or tired? If you've answered no to all these and your baby is still a wreck, it's pretty easy to become a wreck yourself. Thoughts like, "I don't know what my child needs. I must be a terrible mother," or "Why can I not understand my own child" will cross your mind. You begin to panic because you realize you must have missed a cue and you don't know what to do, but you know you have to do something. So you cry, or yell, or stomp about. Instead, run through "the list" again because you probably forgot something. If that doesn't work, give your partner or a family member a turn trying to figure out what's wrong and walk into another room. I always think of something when I take a step back.

Judgement
This is SUCH a hard one for me. I struggle with allowing myself to feel judged and not caring what anyone thinks. Almost everyone has an opinion about babies. There is something people want to tell you about breastfeeding, or sleep, or diapering, or development, or parenting styles. Either you're holding your baby too much or not enough, or you're feeding him too much or not enough, or you take him out too much or not enough. If I have my baby out in public and he starts crying, I automatically look at how people react, how they judge me. It's torture for myself and completely unnecessary, yet somehow I can't help it. I always said I don't want to be the parent with the loud, annoying, disturbing baby. And tbh, his cry isn't that loud or annoying...it's actually really cute, but I don't really think the person behind me in line at Target or sitting on the bench in the shopping plaza agree. Instead of worrying so much about what others think, I know I should be focused on how I get to make my own parenting choices now and take pride in that. Obviously that's easier said than done.

Breastfeeding
I just wrote a whole post about this one(http://rosemaryandjames.blogspot.com/2017/01/on-what-no-one-tells-you-about.html). Case in point; breastfeeding is the toughest part of being a new mom and will naturally cause a ton of anxiety. I have to say at least half of my meltdowns have been somehow related to breastfeeding. It may not be fun, but it is worth it. When breastfeeding feels like too much, I remind myself that God gave me this ability to provide for my son like no one else can and to not take advantage of it. I don't want to do anything but cherish this time where he needs and wants what only I can give him. Breastfeeding my baby is such an important and special thing that it is important to look at it in a positive light no matter what. I am open and honest with my husband about all my feelings so that he can help me the best he can.

Big Mistakes
I don't want to write about this, mostly due to the "Judgement" section above, but I've made some pretty bad mistakes. I have dropped my phone on his head while he's nursing, almost dropped him while switching sides, and poured too water on his head in the bath that it got all over his face. In those moments, I feel like the absolute worst person on the planet. I feel incapable of raising a child. In those moments, I just hold him and cry and apologize over and over and over. Not that there is anything wrong with apologizing and loving on my babe, I need to also realize that I'm not perfect, and if I truly wasn't capable, God wouldn't have blessed me with a perfect, beautiful, healthy baby boy he deemed me worthy of caring for. If God thinks I am capable, then so should I.

Lists
It's unavoidable. As I sit still nursing, unable to get anything done, I look around the room and come up with lists of things that have to get done. The more I come up with, the more anxious I feel. I never know when I'll get enough free time to actually get anything done. But 100%, I need to focus on my new baby rather than the things that aren't getting done. If the house isn't swept or laundry isn't done, then we will breathe in a little dust and sit around the house without clean clothes for a day. I know that time with an infant is fleeting. Already my LO is almost 8 weeks old, and I cannot believe how quickly time has progressed. I will never be able to get these days back, so I need to be thankful that sweeping isn't so dire that we will all die if it doesn't get done.

Doubt
Self-doubt has been my biggest enemy. Bits of self-doubt have seeped into every aspect of my role as a new mother, and sought to steal my joy in this wonderful time. Anytime I falter, a voice deep in my head tells me I'm doing something wrong or that I don't know what I'm doing. Those moments cause temporary insanity while I try and mentally fight this voice and maintain the exterior of a positive, healthy momma. The best way to combat this is to surround yourself with people you can trust and confide in and to be honest with them. I have some great friends who reassure me I'm doing a great job and that I am capable.

Fear
There are so many things to be afraid of. From SIDS to cancer, to a car stopping too quick just in front of you when your LO is in the back, anything can get you or your child and you have absolutely zero control over that. There are precautions to take, like ensuring your child isn't surrounded with bumpers, blankets, and pillows at night, or living organic to avoid carcinogens and toxins (http://rosemaryandjames.blogspot.com/2016/03/on-living-organic.html), and making sure you have the highest rated and safest car seat possible. Ultimately, God is in control. He will decide when we all live and die and all I can do is try to live my life to fulfill His purpose for me. Proverbs 19:21 reads "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand"(ESV). As long as I remember to focus on that verse, I can work my way out of any panic attack.

Anxiety
Anxiety causes anxiety. Just yesterday, my little nest was driving home, and Daxton was crying uncontrollably. My husband pulled over into a fire station so I could try to calm the baby. We happened to be out of diapers, he was too dirty to be hungry or sleep, and we were still 10 minutes from home. I literally could do nothing to console my baby and I felt such anxiety that I couldn't move past it and instead, became upset and took it out on my husband. When I got home, I cried over Daxton and apologized that I couldn't help him, then I apologized to my ever-loving husband for having such a bad reaction. Sometimes, when you know you're acting a wreck, you get crazier. Instead, own up to your bad attitude and throw a wrench in the cycle. I promise wonderful results.

-T

On Bonding With Your Babe

Reluctantly, I will admit that I am having a very hard time bonding with my baby. We have had seven weeks together, and I can count on one hand the times I have looked at him and realized that he is mine and been able to believe it. It truly saddens me that I feel like my child is a stranger to me after all this time. After so many months(let's be real...years) of anticipation, I was overeager to meet my little man. I would imagine him swinging in his swing while I put away his laundry. I dreamt of a strong, healthy boy who I would be excited to show off to all my family and friends. I never thought I would experience anything but a euphoric excitement and overwhelming joy looking at my tiny bundle. But many moms don't feel this way. Many new moms experience a lack of that bonding feeling, or maybe a sudden fear of everything, or maybe even baby blues. But after so much time waiting, the reality is much more anti-climactic than the dream.

From the beginning, my LO went against everything I had prepared for. He came a few days past his due date, despite my best efforts to help him make an early appearance. He weighed 10 pounds, while I was praying for no more than 8. And he looks EXACTLY like my husband. During my pregnancy, I imagined a little boy who looked like my husband, and that is exactly what I hoped for, but having it actually happen is a lot less rewarding than I expected. From the first pictures that went out of baby until just this morning at the doctor's office, I have been told no less than 200 times that my son is the spitting image of his father. So where does that leave me? I am an olive-skinned Hispanic woman who birthed a white baby with light hair and blue eyes. If there is anything to make you feel disconnected from your child, its definitely not looking anything like him.

How do you bond with your baby? It seems impossible to get to know someone when there is a communication barrier. As someone with strong communication skills, I get easily annoyed that I cannot communicate to my child. That doesn't stop me from trying, though. Breastfeeding is the one thing I can provide for him that no one else can. This is the time that him and I have to spend time just the two of us. Unfortunately, breastfeeding has not been the easiest thing, and getting frustrated is not how I imagine spending our quality time. We play, we read, we do tummy time, we snuggle and it gets better everyday. It really helps when he's fussy and calms when I hold him. Next on our list of activities/attempts to bond: yoga!

After spending this past year in therapy, I have become much more mature emotionally. I am better able to control, manage, and process my feelings and emotions. Because of that, I have not experienced anything more serious than bonding issues. However, if you have, just make sure to openly and honestly communicate your feelings to someone. It is common to feel a bit blue after baby. There is no shame in that if you handle the situation correctly and as soon as possible. If you feel like causing harm to yourself or your baby, please seek help, if not from a professional, than confide in your partner or someone you trust.

-T

On What No One Tells You About Breastfeeding

I wrote this 5 weeks ago and never got around to editing it. So I finally did! Enjoy!

I am a new mom! Only two weeks old, my baby boy and I have a system; he cries and I feed him. But this is a very delicate system that no one could have prepared me for. I am so overwhelmed by the world of breastfeeding, and I know I'm not alone. I hope someone out there will resonate with this article or be able to feel reassured at the fact that breastfeeding is difficult for almost every mom.

1. YOU'RE CONSTANTLY DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR BOOBS.
Whether you're pumping, hand-expressing, massaging, feeding, applying cream, allowing them to air dry, or even just working out the sore spots, the girls will NOT catch a break easily.

2. THERE ARE COUNTLESS POSSIBLE ISSUES. 
My son has a high palette and I have a flat nipple (TMI?), so getting a strong healthy latch was super difficult at first. I was a mess in the birthing room with a nurse who was trying to help the best she could. Finally a lactation consultant came in and was so helpful on setting us on the right track. unfortunately, my breastfeeding story is not nearly one of the worst ones I've heard.

3. YOU WILL MOST LIKELY CRACK AND/OR BLEED. 
Unfortunately for my little guy and I, we got thrush, so I was in a whole world of pain when I breastfed. I thought I had a bad latch at first, but after watching little guy's mouth turn white and get really dry, I realized the cracking and bleeding was thrush. I was mightily alarmed when I saw the blood after unlatching, and I felt like a terrible mother because I knew I had pushed myself past the line; all the lactation consultants warned me that I needed to stop if it became too painful. Thrush is not always the cause of your pain or discomfort, but there are a ton of reasons your girls could be crying, like you're just pushing yourself too far!

4. YOU WILL TEST YOUR LIMITS. 
But it is important to know your boundaries. After pushing a 10 pound baby out in 40 minutes with a great attitude and minimal crying and screaming, my pain tolerance is a lot higher than I thought. I ended up pushing myself too far and causing myself so much anxiety, which caused a lot more issues, like accidentally feeding when I was hurting which caused bleeding while he was latched. I have never felt worse about myself or the choices I've made than at that moment. I knew I needed serious help.

5. YOU MAY NEED TO RESET YOURSELF. 
Luckily, my family was super helpful while my husband and I adjusted to our new addition. My mother, sister, and father took over one night while my husband and I got ample rest and only woke up a few times to feed the baby. That allowed me to quell my anxiety, start with a positive attitude the next morning, and my supply came back tenfold.

6. IT'S TOTALLY OKAY TO ASK QUESTIONS. 
In fact, it's a lot smarter to ask questions as soon as you think of them and use the lactation consultants if you can. I called on at least four different lactation consultants multiple times, and I still remember so much of what they said to me.

7. #fedisbest.
Don't listen to society's pressure that "breast is best". It was long ago proven that the best way to provide for your LO is to breastfeed. But the pressure that family members, doctors, nurses, and other moms put on you to breastfeed is ridiculously heavy. If you can't exclusively breastfeed, if you can't breastfeed at all, or if you choose to exclusively formula feed, good for you! You're choosing to feed your baby. Formula is SUPER expensive. If you want to spend that money after you've spent a fortune birthing your baby (thank God for insurance!) then it is your choice to do so and no one else's. I remember around week 15 of my pregnancy, my husband and I were waltzing on clouds through the baby aisles at  Target. A woman asked if we were expecting, when we were due, if we knew the gender yet. Then she asked if I was breastfeeding. I thought it was a bit invasive since she was a perfect stranger, but I replied that yes,  I am planning to exclusively breastfeed.  She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Good because breast is best and you want the best for your baby don't you?"  I was a little taken aback, but that set the stage for me to feel the pressure to breastfeed. I wouldn't allow myself to think of any alternatives. I donated the samples of formula I had received in the mail. Then the first night I had my LO home, I found out he was starving.  I would not wish that on anyone. My husband and I began to supplement with formula and I do not regret that decision one bit.  Even now when someone asks me if I am exclusively breastfeeding, I feel the pressure to explain to them my decision for supplementing, when it is no one's business but my little family's.  I was not breastfed (my mom had difficulties) and I think I'm pretty healthy and smart person. I do not resent my mom for not breastfeeding me and I have not had any bad health issues. I know that my son will not grow up and resent me for not exclusively breastfeeding him. Life goes on.

8. YOU'RE BABY MAY STARVE.
I just finished reading an article in which a woman wrote how she accidentally staved her child his first month. She was so concerned about providing the best for her baby that she didn't think that he may not be eating enough. She had issues similar to mine and ended up exclusively formula feeding after two months. She was told that she did better than 99% of other breastfeeding moms. I think any woman is a hero for even trying.  Just remember to make sure that your baby is gaining weight.

9.  IT MAY NOT HAPPEN.
If it doesn't happen for you, it is OK. So many moms struggle, and so many moms feel that there is no out. It is OK to make a decision for your mental, emotional, physical health and formula feed your baby. Your baby needs you happy and healthy more than your baby needs breastmilk. Don't let an issue so small take away from such a joyous time.

Forgive me if this was a bit more graphic than you expected, but these are the realities of life. Some moms have a much more difficult time, like my mother. If you feel society weighing you down, check out the website I found encouragement from: https://fedisbest.org/

-T

On Not Being Prepared for Parenthood

I am a new momma as of Thanksgiving 2016. During my pregnancy, I received a ridiculous amount of unsolicited advice, which I'm sure every mom can relate to. I know most people mean well, but my husband and I would laugh after every person shared their piece. "Little do they know how prepared we are," I would say. "We are the most prepared any two people could be," he would reply. While that may have been true, we were still wildly unprepared for the realities of parenthood.

A quick background; I have cared for children of all ages all my life. I was everyone's babysitter, church volunteer, and child care professional. I worked caring for infants at a small church, so I got to watch so many infants grow, I worked at a daycare and hot experience with children of all ages, and I was a nanny for four kids, one of whom was only three weeks old when I met her and is now two and a half. If there was ever anyone who could be prepared for parenthood without already being a parent, it was me. But if you are a parent, you know there are some aspects of having an infant no amount of time put in will prepare you for. If you are not a parent and you, too, think you are prepared or ready, I promise it isn't all it's chalked up to be.

Because I thought I was so prepared, my husband and I didn't take any classes or read any "parenting" books (we read one each and neither was a traditional "parenting" book). I absolutely do not regret that decision, but my ego was a bit ahead of me. My husband and I have talked for years about the type of parents we want to be and the team dynamic we want to achieve, so we thought we wouldn't encounter many of the problems we hear from parents who would say they had no experience other than their own child. We had discussed issues and problems we would face and come up with solutions as a team, and we thought we were golden. We were wrong on so many levels.

Sleep
We knew that the beginning would be rough in terms of sleep. The most common piece of advice I got as a prego was to sleep when baby sleeps. What I wasn't prepared for was what to do if my baby doesn't sleep. I was blessed with a 10 pounder. In the hospital, there was no pressure to do anything else besides feed my baby until he slept, and I had round the clock help in caring for my new babe. I had the option of sending my little guy to the nursery at night if I chose to. I did both nights I was there, very reluctantly, through tears, and at the command of my husband, doctors, and nurses. Once we got home, it was a chaotic, real-life nightmare. Eventually we got settled, and I realized having a big baby meant he would sleep through the night for the most part. It also meant he would not sleep a wink during the day. I have had to come to terms with the fact that absolutely nothing will get done in my house, which really is not easy for my "git 'er done" personality.

Exclusively Breastfeeding
This is a tough one for me. I was so unprepared for the fact that I would have any difficulties providing for my son. Obviously I get breast is best, but what if you can't BF (gee, society is rough on this one). We have been though latching problems, thrush, dehydration, and he is so big so he is always hungry! I learned that of the joys that comes with having a big baby is that he needed (still needs...who am I kidding) to eat constantly. The first night we were home, no one slept a wink and all I did was feed my baby. As morning snuck closer and closer, baby became more and more irate. Once the screaming started, hubby and I were headed to the hospital. His mouth was so dry and his lips were so cracked. On the way we called a nurse and she told us that he was simply hungry. She said it was 100% better for us to supplement with formula than to take a new infant into a hospital. My husband turned the car around and pulled into Target. I stayed in the car, still trying to nurse my hungry boy. Wouldn't you know, that right then is when my supply fully came in and I was able to support my son. We still have many difficulties with latching, but I know for a fact he is eating enough (he's gained three pounds and three inches) and he is no longer dry or chapped, so I call that a win. We still supplement because if we didn't, I wouldn't have a single moment to myself, but we cap his formula intake around 6-8 ounces a day, and the rest is up to me (I nurse about 4 hours a day).

Public Hearings
My husband and I were completely on the same page about how to handle a loud child when we are in public. We agreed it is always best to remove the child from the public eye and tend to his needs privately. While this is a great policy for an older child who has more control over his emotions, this does not work with a newborn who can only communicate by crying. For the most part, when we hear that first whimper or cry, we begin preparations to seek safety away from the general public (usually we're in Target and we start to head to checkout) and then when it becomes a full cry, I take our little one to the car while my husband checks out so we can head home ASAP. But sometimes we have things that need to get done, or we simply want to enjoy a meal out, we will bypass all our previous beliefs and discussions and give the kid a bottle and change him in the back of our car.

Coddling and Cuddling
We were in complete agreement that we did not want our child to be one of the kids who constantly needed attention or who couldn't be put down for more than a minute. We were adamant that he would not be held to the point that he became too used to it. We have had to completely scrap that. Completely; as in au revoir, sayonara, adios, no más. It was nothing we did, rather it is just his natural predisposition that he likes to cuddle and he will get upset after 20-30 minutes of independent time. My husband and I push it as much as we can, but he is still and infant and we aren't going to just leave him alone on his play mat or in his swing, crying. So we hold him. Maybe that will cause difficulties later on, but whatever. I love my son and I'm going to cuddle the heck out of him.

Schedule
I wasn't expecting for a schedule before 6 weeks, but I was shooting for 4-6. We are now at 7 weeks old and he is showing no sign of sticking to a schedule. We do have a very dependable nightly schedule, but the day is a circus, if that circus was thrown together without a schedule of events and each act tried to take the stage at the same time. I still have to feed my LO on demand, which can sometimes be once an hour! I keep telling myself that he's going through a growth spurt, but if I ever want to get back to writing or calligraphy or anything, we have to establish a schedule soon!

Free Time
Nothing gets done. I was extremely lucky that I had family staying with me in the beginning. My mom was with us for the first two whole weeks and then my mother-in-law stayed for a week. Due to the holidays, I had a lot to do in the way of wrapping and decorating and ordering cards and last minute shopping. It only got done because there was so much help readily available (see more about help below). I genuinely miss being able to do what I want whenever I wanted. I love my son, don't get me wrong, but I miss staying in bed and binging Unbreakable Kelly Schmidt all day. I miss working on a project or going on a run (I haven't been running yet PP, more so because it's too cold to take my LO). Basically, I now have a tiny dictator running my life and I am completely at his beck and call.

Help
Accept it. Don't be smug in your pride and turn down help. There is always something to be done. My husband and I are both very humble and independent and stubborn. We will not ask for help unless we are desperate because we feel that we should carry the responsibility of our child ourselves. Even if help is offered, we ask, "Are you sure?" countless times until that person seems annoyed. If my babe starts to cry and someone is holding him, I feel bad that they have to deal with my struggles while I'm getting to do anything else. When my mom was here, she knew we needed help, so she did our laundry, cleaned our kitchen, did the dishes, and other things I didn't have time for. Anytime someone is holding my LO, I now jump at the chance to throw in a load of laundry or throw some dishes in the dishwasher. I really should invest in a baby wrap...

Products
I was super picky about the products I would use for my son. I wanted only the best, as any mother would. We had loads of Honest diapers, organic washcloths, and minimal items in the way of "sleep gear". After baby was born, there was so much more to buy. We hadn't gotten a Rock 'n Play (HUGE MISTAKE), we didn't have a "cheaters swaddle" (sleep sack, miracle blanket...), and we didn't have a sound machine. We didn't have a bottle or wipe warmer (and in a North Carolina winter, everything gets super cold for night changes). Because our LO was eating so much, he was (is) peeing so much, we went through diapers at an alarming rate. When I went online to finally begin my Honest subscription, I realized I could get twice the amount of diapers for way less if I changed brands. I heard great things about up&up, and our LO doesn't care what's on his tush. I also made the change from Honest wipes (which I don't care for much from the get-go because they're pretty rough) to Huggies Natural Care. No wipe is going to be perfect, but my LO doesn't mind and I can buy a huge pack at once and not worry about it for a while. However, there are things I will not change, like our organic shampoo/wash, lotions, and formula.

Basically, you cannot be prepared for anything unless you've actually gone through it. And I'm the type to hyper prepare! Parenthood is really rough and rocky and really tests the limits of your relationship with your partner and with yourself. I have found myself thinking that it will be easier when he can sit up, or walk, or talk, or go to school, but then I realize I need to enjoy this time now because if there is anything I know for sure about parenting, it's that time is fleeting and these moments are so special. Cherish your baby at every age, every stage, every tantrum. When your child is grown, you'll miss everything they threw at you.

-T
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