On Minimalism and Consumerism

My life has changed so much since becoming a mom. While that is probably the most obvious statement of the century, a lot of the changes were unexpected and completely surprising. I've become stronger, physically, emotionally, and mentally than I ever thought possible. I have become a lot more confident and now stand up for myself and my family in situations I otherwise would not have for fear of being called "picky" or "particular". And I have become a beginner minimalist. I say beginner because I have only just begun my journey of decluttering my life. I am so excited to share my thoughts on this subject!

I used to be such a consumer. I was an advertising agencies main audience. I would soak up whatever was trendy and desire to own it. Once I got whatever it was, I typically wouldn't use it as much as I thought I would and it would collect with my other "needs". Thinking back to my middle school self at the height of my materialism, I had so many things, but I didn't like it. I felt chaos when I went into my room, overwhelmed by things. However, I could never get rid of them. Reason 1) What if I need this someday. Maybe one day I will fix my Tamagotchi and it will be fun and trendy or worth something eventually (I wish). Reason 2) This is way too sentimental for me to ever not own. Reason 3) I wanted this so badly, so I'm just going to hang on to it because I must have wanted it for a reason. I cringe when I think of everything I could've gotten rid of. When I moved out, I got rid of a lot, but tried to hold on to everything I could. I would frequently go through things and get rid of little by little, but it wasn't until I had a baby that I realized it is impractical to hang on to a lot of things, my materialism has shattered as I've found more joy in Jesus, my husband and baby, and my church, in that order. 

I think a practical approach to view this change would be to discuss my change in interior decor. When I was in high school, I was very impressionable. I was on the cheer squad, so I had bows and long everywhere, including all over my room and walls. Posters of the Jonas Brothers were carefully hung as wallpaper. In high school, gone were the JB posters. In their place were picture frames and brand name store bags (what even!). When I got married and moved out, I embraced the South (still impressionable) and attempted the rustic look for a year and a half. Eventually I "found myself" and realized I was an eclectic bohemian gal. Our apartment was carefully curated with deep, rich tones and carefully selected pieces. When we brought Daxton home to this environment, I realized I couldn't handle the apartment the way it was. I felt like it was constantly in disarray with the dark colors making the space seem smaller. The baby gear quickly overwhelmed the space and I knew I needed a change or my anxiety would never cease. I would scroll my Instagram and spend a bit of time on profiles I found peaceful. They were scattered with whites, neutrals, wood, and beautiful greenery. I would feel calm even looking at these pictures and realized I needed to quickly bring that into my life in order to finally get a hold on motherhood or I would always be the frazzled mom who never had anything done on time. I now identify my interior style as modern bohemian. I had a real come to Jesus with my closet, my living room, and my makeup/toiletries under my sink (you know how that stuff collects!). I went through our DVD's, linen closet, hubby's closet, Daxton's closet, Daxton's toys, under our bed shenanigans (how is there SO MUCH stuff?) and was so proud at how much went to Goodwill. This was a process that lasted a few weeks. As I got rid of 20 items, I would bring in one more. Though the consumer is still alive, she is subdued. 

NOTE: This translates into baby items and clothing. I now find myself looking for timeless clothing and few mix and match pieces. I seek neutral color items and things that serve more than one purpose. I traded our old high chair for an Ikea one because it's extremely lightweight, easy to clean, and looks so much more pleasing to the eye. This doesn't mean I won't keep toys out or need my apartment to be clear of all baby gear, I just need everything to have its' place and still have enough room to stretch.

The concept of minimalism is that you find joy in freeing yourself from consumerism and materialism. I held on to so many things I thought would bring me joy, but I always remind myself that joy comes from Jesus, happiness is of the world. I know I would rather live in joy, so I get rid of things. Hubby always says he wants to help me relax by getting rid of things. I am proud of the way I tackle this task. I had a shirt in my closet that hadn't been worn in 4 yeas, but never would be donated; it was the shirt I was wearing when Hubby proposed. It was a teal lace number with a button in the back. I can't remember the last time I wore such a bold color. I knew I was literally NEVER going to wear it, so I had to tell myself that pictures will be enough and I need to part with the shirt. The freedom that came from that motivated me to get rid of 125 items from my closet. I have a long way to go, but this is a journey about focusing on the important things in life and realizing Jesus is all I need. Jesus and coffee.

http://www.theminimalists.com/minimalism/

On Redecorating My Life

What a year it has been! I honestly can say I have been through the ringer. I was so unprepared fro motherhood. Hubby and I have had tremendous financial issues (the latest being how much we owe in taxes, even after having a baby!). I have had to deal with having a beautiful and perfect baby away from my friends and family. My anxiety has been at an all time high and my therapist has been on maternity leave! I still haven't technically been cleared to work out again due to medical issues postpartum. Hubby and I have been tested in our marriage due to all these issues. As soon as we feel like we have made it through a storm, another comes along. I have read the book of Job twice since December, trying to make sense of the testing God is putting us through. I feel like every proclamation of faith I make brings forward another problem. I know it is the enemy trying to discourage me and my family, but how long is he going to bully me! He went after Jesus 40 days in the desert; it's been 5 months! Satan, you cannot get to me so leave me alone! I have an incredible tribe of support in the way of friends, family, and a church community straight out of my dreams. I know our lives could be so much worse. I thank God that we have a roof over our heads, running water, food in our bellies, clothes on our back, diapers on our booty (for the babe who needs them), shoes on our feet, smiles on our faces, love in our hearts, and faith in our souls. I pray everyday that Daxton knows how loved he is.

Due to these ever growing feelings and emotions, I have recognized the need to redecorate. Before baby, I was really into the boho eclectic vibe. We had really awesome pieces throughout the house and really rich color palettes. We had a beautiful duvet my mom got us for Christmas from Urban Outfitters (it's no longer listed online but its so nice) that was red and brown with hints of purple. I had red throw pillows throughout the house and sought out dark wood pieces. After baby, I needed to completely redecorate the apartment (I just need to talk about how much I love our little apartment; if I could have this layout with one extra bedroom as a house I would be so happy!). In early March, I purged the apartment. I let so many items go and I regret nothing. It felt so amazing. That weekend, we sold our dark couch and bought a white one with blue and yellow stripes. I kinda wanted to get a white slipcover, but I have really come to like it as is. We now have a white duvet cover and the beautiful one is in the trunk, waiting for a home in our future guest room. We sold the desk we had been using in our bedroom (because I didn't want to get rid of it) since we put our dresser in D's nursery for a changing table. We got a new dresser and its a beautiful mid-century modern piece with a medium wood finish. I got rid of my beloved Safavieh grey suede studded bench and found an awesome vintage leather chair my grandfather would have loved that I used to create a serene nursing corner in my bedroom. I even got rid of some books! I really need a boho minimalist feel in my home to help with my anxiety. I feel immeasurably better when I look around the house. The rich colors and large pieces made the place feel messy, even when it was clean. Now, I look around and feel a sense of peace. I am waking up in a better mood each morning. It may be a strange thing to say, but God has provided so much in this redecorating journey. The chair I mentioned fro the nursing corner was a find from Habitat for Humanity. Stephen and I went 5 minutes before closing and I spotted it right away, sat on it and said, "This is it!" I looked at the price tag and it read $10! The dresser was from our third thrift store of the day, and right as we were going to leave and call it quits, I saw it on the way out. It was only $50. I scored two wood accordion racks, one for $5 and one for $1. I have gotten so lucky with finding beautiful baskets and throw pillows. My sister bought us the most gorgeous hand woven Indian throw pillows (another Habitat find). I have realized that less is more; when Stephen and I first got married and moved in together, I was so ecstatic to begin decorating. I had never had my own place before and I had always shared a room with my sister. I finally got to do my own thing. I didn't really know what my own thing was. I tried out so many interior decorating styles and now I have finally settled. What really helped me was looking at interior design styles on Instagram. On Pinterest, once I start looking into one style, that's all they show me. On Instagram, I can browse through a diverse selection of styles. I definitely found the most joy when I would look at white, bright, natural looking places. I know that is the "in" thing and its super trendy, but I also know who it makes me feel and how it affects my anxiety. Redecorating during a rough financial time isn't easy, but I'm so frugal that I probably wouldn't have spent much more than I have anyway. I have definitely made more by selling pieces and getting lucky by finding replacement pieces that are super inexpensive. My next project is painting our chest white, but I have no idea when I will have the time! Someone please come take my baby so I can paint!

On Rosemary + James

As I am about to launch an Etsy shop under the same name as my blog, I decided it was time to explain the reason behind my naming everything "Rosemary and James" because if you don't know me, you are probably wondering why in the heck I am using names that have nothing to do with my own.

As you all know, I am and always have been very creative; I also overthink just about everything I do. Growing up, I struggled dealing with these sometimes conflicting traits. My Nana, Rosemary, was a realist. She had no problem speaking her mind and she was not one to waste time doing something she didn't see as worthwhile. My Pop-pop, on the other hand, was a dreamer. As you spoke to James, you couldn't help but catch his whimsy. There was a contagious dream-like state of mind that drew me to him. I see myself as the epitome of the combination of my grandparent's strongest characteristics. I pride myself on being able to balance both my logic and my whimsy, which I learned from watching my mother's parents. Just because their love story didn't have a happy ending, doesn't mean their lives didn't. They had six wonderful children between them, and they got to spend so much of their lives surrounded by family who loved them irrevocably. It is my goal to reach my highest potential in whatever I set out to do, so that I can make them proud. Both my Nana and my Pop-pop influenced me in so many ways that I cannot help but make the choices I do from advice I've received and experiences I've shared with them. I wish I could share the memories I have of them with all of you because they were truly incredible people. At the risk of sounding super cheese balls, even though they are no longer a phone call away, they will always be with me, mind and soul.

A year and a half ago, I made some pretty big changes in my life, but I knew I wanted to begin on a career path that allowed me to exercise my creative side. I thought of what I would name my company in the future, and I thought of my grandparents. I know that without a doubt, they would put my work up in their house and brag about me to their friends in their book clubs and on their Bingo nights. Nana would talk to me and ask me what my plans are, and Pop-pop would tell me to be happy and do what I love. I'm sure someone in my family is going to have something to say about this. So if you are reading this and you are thinking that you don't like something I said, please keep it to yourself. I love my memories of my grandparents and I don't want them spoiled. Please and thank you.

So like I said, I am going to be opening an Easy shop pretty soon, just as soon as I complete a few more products to post. I am super excited for this new journey and I am excited to share it with you! For ordering information or updates, email rosemaryandjamesshop@gmail.com.

Bonsoir.
-T

Dedicated to Rosemary + James

On Maturity

Lately I have come across a lot of instances in my life that have made me inflect on the idea of maturity. Defining maturity is just as difficult as it is easy. There are different measures of maturity, different types of maturity, and various things can be assigned a maturity level: cheese, people, wine, video games. I know this may seem like a very random or vague topic, so please bear with me as I write and try to make sense of my own thoughts as well!

When it comes to wine and cheese, maturity is measured by age. When determining the maturity of a person, I can assure you, age has nothing to do with it. I have met the most astonishingly mature ten-year old and a very immature person of fifty-five. One could say that the person who acts childish is the less mature. When we see a child acting not like a child, we praise him for being "mature".

I believe true maturity is when a person is able to act in a manner that is truly reflective of who they are. Basically, when you see guys being complete tools in the manner they treat women, that is honestly not who they are, but they are deflecting some other emotions or feelings in an unhealthy and immature way. When women are full crazy drama psycho maniacs who have no regard to other people's feelings, they are masking their true self and guarding their feelings and emotions in an unhealthy and immature way. But the minute a person decides to fix that, to right their attitude and own up to their emotions and feelings, no matter how irrational or flawed, is the minute that person truly matures. On a much smaller scale, looking back to myself just one year ago, I think how immature I was; I was forcing myself into a career and a lifestyle I was not happy with (this change is reflected in my design style, as illustrated in my previous post "On Starting Over" http://rosemaryandjames.blogspot.com/2015/11/on-starting-over.html). Recently, I began a journey on identifying my true self. In doing so, I have been able to feel more and more like I am truly acting in a way that is reflective of who I am. I find myself slipping and saying or doing something that is immature, meaning a way that is not reflective of who I am, and I always try to catch myself and use it as a springboard for growth.

Maturity in a person has little to do with age and a lot to do with experiences. If a person has been in a situation where they have been encouraged and allowed to be true to their self, they will often be much more mature than someone who has not. Perhaps that is why tweens (hate that word) and teens are usually seen as immature; they are finding identifying themselves while they are often trying to graduate, pick a career, struggling to make their parents happy, make good grades, stay involved, and just have fun!

So basically, if you're reading this and hoping to take something away, remember that life is too short to be anyone but yourself...I know I heard that somewhere so I just looked it up. Thank Anne Hathaway for that advice. But really, seek true maturity and you will find yourself; seek yourself and you will find true maturity.

Au revoir!
T

On Starting Over

Starting over is absolutely the most terrifying thing in the world. Making the choice to give up something you already have that many would be grateful for, to pursue something completely out of your original realm of thought is daunting. You now all know that I have done just that. So let me tell you about the lifetime that went into making this decision.

From a young age, I've always been creative. I was more concerned about dressing my Barbies and decorating my Barbie Dream House than actually playing with the dolls. I would spend hours at the kitchen table full of whatever craft materials we had in the house (which was actually a lot) and make something out of nothing. I always loved coloring and writing. I suppose I should have seen from an early age that I was not meant for a normal career. My creativity matured as I did and became more defined. My family would always gather around the television Sunday night to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Without fail, my favorite parts were when the children were questioned on their likes (for the design, obviously, so you had better make sure you said something good), and the final reveal. I imagined what I would say if I were in that situation. I knew better than to be too specific, because if I said I like horses, I might as well ask to live in a barn. If I said I like climbing trees, my room would be a tree! I imagined I would say I love Paris, or being creative. I knew I could get something good out of that. And I always loved the reveal of the parents rooms, the living room, or the kitchen more than the kids rooms. I understood the quality of a design and I enjoyed experiencing a new design. My dad and I often would stand in a new place--a home, a business--and analyze the design. Through all of this, I was never able to pinpoint exactly what it was I was doing. I had no idea that interior design was even a thing. It wasn't until college I was able to confirm and develop my hobby, and after college when I realized I could actually make my hobby my career. That meant I would officially alter career paths from education to interior design.

Now it isn't that I didn't like the kids, or the coworkers, or anything really. It is the simple fact that I knew deep in my heart that I was not pursuing my passion. I have seen passion in the workplace; passion belongs in the workplace. I decided I wanted to be passionate about my career. I wanted to sit in a bar and have someone ask me what I do, and immediately I would smile, because even thinking about work is joyful to me. So after putting time, money, and a lot of hard work into a career I no longer could see myself doing, I gave it up. I use the term "gave it up" after contemplating other phrases like "threw it away" or "wasted my resources", but I have no regrets. I will not allow myself to question decisions I make from the deepest part of my being just because I am afraid that I will have no support or that I will fail.

In all seriousness, those are very real concerns that I know I am going to experience. Pursuing my dream and starting over is going to force me to sacrifice a lot. If I fail, those who supported me will be let down and I will have to return to a career that i am capable of, but will never be truly happy doing. If I fail, I will have to admit to myself I was wrong. People will doubt me. I will be forced to explain my decisions to some people. I will continually be under scrutiny. But if I don't try, I will always resent whatever held me back. I am ready and willing and able...and I'm young! So why the hell not?

Amidst all of this, one cannot begin to question everything they believe in. I am on a path of starting over in my career, and with that comes the reinvention of myself. I am forced to face a lot of things in my life that I realize are not actually who I want to be. Let's just say I finally was able to pinpoint my personal interior design style, and it's eclectic bohemian...

This style, I now realize, reflects my personality. If this room was a person, it would be me. Except maybe with a Persian rug and darker wood. Let's just say that up until this point in my life, I thought my design style was very different...

So please bear with me while I start over, begin my adventure, and redefine myself. I will do my best to document my journey. I would love some company!

Au revoir.
-T

On Being Me

Before I hit the world with my thoughts and dreams, I decided I should take some time and formally introduce myself. But then I realized, introductions suck! They're either boring, tedious, or common. So here are 15 quick facts if you ever encounter Tabitha and wish for a conversation starter...

1. I am an old soul. At the age of 23, I prefer tea to coffee, pen and paper to Microsoft Word, face-to-face conversation, and early nights in. 

2. There are four ways directly into the deepest parts of my soul: music, dance, wine, and books.

3. I don’t have any favorites. I have no favorite color, no favorite ice cream flavor, no favorite book, but I have preferences that change as quickly as the winds.

4. I don’t watch much TV, but I can watch movies all day, especially if they’re older classics. Audrey Hepburn is a goddess.

5. Design is everything! That is my life motto...not really, but it is a statement I truly believe. Everything is designed in some way, whether it’s the design to build your home, or your computer, or the design that was made for your clothing, or the ad that made you want to buy that clothing. I love the world of design, and I always pay close attention, especially to the design of Earth.

6. I lied. I do have a favorite. My favorite time of year is September 21-January 21. Do I need to justify this or can everyone agree that it is the best time of year?

7. I absolutely, unquestionably loathe and detest liars, the entitled, and bullies. 

8. I love to create anything: food, dessert, home decor, clothing, choreography. If I can create, there is no stopping this right-side-favoring brain!

9. Babies and the elderly are the most important types of people on Earth. Watching either of them can give you a completely new life perspective. 

10. Did I already mention books? Well, books are so important, they will be mentioned again. Have you ever gone into a bookstore and found the least populated, darkest corner to sit, open a new book, and smell the pages? If not, I promise it will be a life-changing experience. If my advice fails you and you feel that you have wasted your time, then you are too far gone you millennial robot and there is no helping you and your Kindle.

11. I find myself most at peace when I can put away my technology, get a large, comfy blanket, find a cozy armchair, and read. Tea in the morning or wine at night. There is nothing better.

12. I still take baths. And you can bet that it will be a candle lit bubble bath!

13. I’m an anxious, OCD, germaphobe. It’s unfortunate, but it’s who I am.

14. There are some things that exude romance simply by existing. Those are gentlemen who open your door, snow, and peonies. Always go for peonies. Don't settle for roses or gerber daises.

15. I don't believe in gender equality. I believe in freedom. Society has to work out what that means, as it has been for centuries. Give society a break. We are always breaking the norms, it comes with the territory of existing. It's called evolution. Anyway, why should women settle for equality?

I hope these facts were everything you hoped they would be. If you want to know more, all you have to do is ask. Do so anonymously, or let me know who you are and we can become friends. 

Au revoir,

-T