On "A Letter To My Wife"

Dear Wife, 

            For the past few weeks I have been asking myself what to get you for our anniversary. Now I always have a list of things you would like and I am typically very good about getting gifts either from that list or in my mind. Every time I thought about a gift I thought would suffice, I kept thinking, "No, my wife is always so creative and thoughtful with gifts that I don't want to just buy another gift." I want to give a true gift to my wife, one that I pour my heart into, one that really focuses on who you are and your love languages. So here it is, a letter to you. Not just a letter, but a letter in which I finally spell out all the situations I always said I did not have words for. I wanted to handwrite this, but I also really wanted you to be able to read this, so I opted to type. I do hope you enjoy this.

            My wife, my sweet wife, just look at how far we have come together as one team. Can you believe today we have been married three years. We have been in North Carolina for two years and three hundred and sixty days. We got here with nothing but a part time job, a one bedroom apartment, and love. Nothing about it was easy but we made every moment together as one from the moment we got here. To watch how much you have grown is this time has truly been a blessing. You connected with a family of people we have never met and you placed them in your heart. You opened up to them and connected in your own way with each and every kid. You met a friend who is almost like a sister and a couple that took us in as their family. When I look back it makes me tear up to see how God used you. You jumped into something new, randomly meeting people and were rewarded so greatly. I’ve seen you take a real job in teaching only to discover that wasn't for you, and that leads me here.

            Tabitha when I look at you back on the past seven months, I am so proud of you. The growth I have witnessed in you puts a smile on my face. From the moment Daxton, was born you had found a calling, a calling to push yourself to be the best you can be. I watched you dig deeper then you ever have and worker harder then I could ever imagine. When I see how hard you work for not just our son but our family, I get choked up. No matter how tired, sick, or exhausted you might be, you do whatever you have to for our family, most of the time with a smile on your face. Your strength compares to none, yet you knew God called you to grow stronger. You took on serving at church; not just serving, but placing yourself in a position that meant you had to be an extrovert and greet total strangers. You have poured yourself into it and have made an example for others. As I am typing this right now, I am fighting back tears of joy thinking about the night that we were at church and you looked and me and said “I’m going to work my window”. You walked straight up to the photo coordinator, you told her who you were and what you wanted. I was in awe. You saw what you wanted and took control of the moment God gave you. Ever since that moment you have been on a mission to be you. And you, Tabitha, are amazing, creative, dedicated, and disciplined. You have a true gift. You capture the very moment God works or Daxton learns something new. You capture thought and emotion. I am running out of ways to describe this incredible talent you have. You are the inspiration for our family. You are my inspiration, my push, and my drive, but most importantly, you are my wife.

            My wife who unscrambles my thoughts when others would get annoyed. My wife who has learned to tell I am crazy or wrong in the sweetest most perfect way. My wife who encouraged me through the toughest times I have ever faced. My wife who made me into the confident father I am. My wife who led me to Christ, led me to my Joy, listens to all my goals and pushes me to achieve. You are my wife who loves me every day, and for that Tabitha, I thank you.

Love, Your Husband

On Redecorating My Life

What a year it has been! I honestly can say I have been through the ringer. I was so unprepared fro motherhood. Hubby and I have had tremendous financial issues (the latest being how much we owe in taxes, even after having a baby!). I have had to deal with having a beautiful and perfect baby away from my friends and family. My anxiety has been at an all time high and my therapist has been on maternity leave! I still haven't technically been cleared to work out again due to medical issues postpartum. Hubby and I have been tested in our marriage due to all these issues. As soon as we feel like we have made it through a storm, another comes along. I have read the book of Job twice since December, trying to make sense of the testing God is putting us through. I feel like every proclamation of faith I make brings forward another problem. I know it is the enemy trying to discourage me and my family, but how long is he going to bully me! He went after Jesus 40 days in the desert; it's been 5 months! Satan, you cannot get to me so leave me alone! I have an incredible tribe of support in the way of friends, family, and a church community straight out of my dreams. I know our lives could be so much worse. I thank God that we have a roof over our heads, running water, food in our bellies, clothes on our back, diapers on our booty (for the babe who needs them), shoes on our feet, smiles on our faces, love in our hearts, and faith in our souls. I pray everyday that Daxton knows how loved he is.

Due to these ever growing feelings and emotions, I have recognized the need to redecorate. Before baby, I was really into the boho eclectic vibe. We had really awesome pieces throughout the house and really rich color palettes. We had a beautiful duvet my mom got us for Christmas from Urban Outfitters (it's no longer listed online but its so nice) that was red and brown with hints of purple. I had red throw pillows throughout the house and sought out dark wood pieces. After baby, I needed to completely redecorate the apartment (I just need to talk about how much I love our little apartment; if I could have this layout with one extra bedroom as a house I would be so happy!). In early March, I purged the apartment. I let so many items go and I regret nothing. It felt so amazing. That weekend, we sold our dark couch and bought a white one with blue and yellow stripes. I kinda wanted to get a white slipcover, but I have really come to like it as is. We now have a white duvet cover and the beautiful one is in the trunk, waiting for a home in our future guest room. We sold the desk we had been using in our bedroom (because I didn't want to get rid of it) since we put our dresser in D's nursery for a changing table. We got a new dresser and its a beautiful mid-century modern piece with a medium wood finish. I got rid of my beloved Safavieh grey suede studded bench and found an awesome vintage leather chair my grandfather would have loved that I used to create a serene nursing corner in my bedroom. I even got rid of some books! I really need a boho minimalist feel in my home to help with my anxiety. I feel immeasurably better when I look around the house. The rich colors and large pieces made the place feel messy, even when it was clean. Now, I look around and feel a sense of peace. I am waking up in a better mood each morning. It may be a strange thing to say, but God has provided so much in this redecorating journey. The chair I mentioned fro the nursing corner was a find from Habitat for Humanity. Stephen and I went 5 minutes before closing and I spotted it right away, sat on it and said, "This is it!" I looked at the price tag and it read $10! The dresser was from our third thrift store of the day, and right as we were going to leave and call it quits, I saw it on the way out. It was only $50. I scored two wood accordion racks, one for $5 and one for $1. I have gotten so lucky with finding beautiful baskets and throw pillows. My sister bought us the most gorgeous hand woven Indian throw pillows (another Habitat find). I have realized that less is more; when Stephen and I first got married and moved in together, I was so ecstatic to begin decorating. I had never had my own place before and I had always shared a room with my sister. I finally got to do my own thing. I didn't really know what my own thing was. I tried out so many interior decorating styles and now I have finally settled. What really helped me was looking at interior design styles on Instagram. On Pinterest, once I start looking into one style, that's all they show me. On Instagram, I can browse through a diverse selection of styles. I definitely found the most joy when I would look at white, bright, natural looking places. I know that is the "in" thing and its super trendy, but I also know who it makes me feel and how it affects my anxiety. Redecorating during a rough financial time isn't easy, but I'm so frugal that I probably wouldn't have spent much more than I have anyway. I have definitely made more by selling pieces and getting lucky by finding replacement pieces that are super inexpensive. My next project is painting our chest white, but I have no idea when I will have the time! Someone please come take my baby so I can paint!

On Continual Growth

Tonight, as I was putting Daxton to bed, I wondered if he is going to sleep well tonight. Last night, he slept until 4:30 and Stephen and I were ecstatic, hoping we had made it through the worst part of the sleep regression. I jokingly told Stephen it was our reward for giving time to the church for Good Friday when we could have had a family day instead. Tonight I thought, "Maybe there was something to that comment and maybe he will sleep well tonight because I served again and I'm really feeling the power of the Lord". But how silly is that; I am not serving because of the benefits or rewards, I am serving because I want to connect with others and grow in my faith. As I laid D down, I heard God remind me, "It isn't going to be easy." If I continue to look for ease or comfort, I will never be challenged, so I will never grow. Life is about continual growth. Earth experiences challenges every year. During winter, trees lose their leaves and grass is browned. But once spring comes, we see how the earth grows again out of it's challenges; a beautiful cycle set forth by the Creator. Winter is not easy for many, but come spring, we are able to see such wonderful rebirth. As a parent, we will face challenges, dry season, and a lot of storms, but the beautiful growth we will see in our children is such a magical thing. All our challenges, all our struggles, will bring forward some type of growth. It may not be something tangible, it may not be something big, it may not even be soon-God's timing will always trump our own-but it will happen. During your storms, pray for growth and pray for patience. Give God a chance to work in your life and you will be amazed with the outcome!

On Becoming a Mother

A letter I wrote to my unborn son:

November 21, 2016

Dear Daxton,

At this point, your due date has come and gone as of one hour ago. True, your due date changed a bit, but your dad and I liked the 20 best, so that’s what we stuck with. Unfortunately, you didn’t agree and you're still stuck in there, though it does seem like you want out. Your daddy and I want you out too and we are so hoping you make an appearance tomorrow. Your grandma is here, your Aunt CC (whatever you decide to call her is what we will go with) got in yesterday morning, and your grandpa is coming in Thanksgiving morning. We would love to celebrate your first Thanksgiving all together, so feel free to join us!

I am actually glad that you are still comfortable in the womb. You are already forming your personality of independence and self-awareness, which are traits I have prayed for in my children. These traits must be such a part of you that no crazy midwife concoction I ingest will get you to budge. I continue to pray that your father and I will be able to instill traits in you that will make you a strong man one day. Perhaps the most important traits are confidence, joy, chivalry, independence, empathy, self-control, and patience. Confidence is something that one can either have too much of, too little, or just the right amount. I pray that I challenge your confidence as much as I encourage it to get the right balance. Happiness may be important, but it comes from the world. Joy comes from Jesus and that is something I want you to learn you cannot live without. I pray that your never take for granted your faith or the freedom you have to practice that faith.

Your father is one of the only chivalrous men left on this planet. No other man has ever gone out of his way to open my car door, consistently made sure I was comfortable, or has brought me flowers just because. When your daddy wanted to propose, he asked your grandpa and grandma if he could marry their daughter. He has always made sure that I include my family in my everyday life. I pray that you are the type of gentleman for which all this is second nature, and that one day, when you find a woman you want to date, you naturally know you introduce yourself to her family and have her home early. I pray that you date to marry and you never go breaking a girl’s heart.

Independence is going to be a hard one for me as your mother. I want nothing more than a child who is confident enough in his own skin to not need me, but I want you to know I will always be there for you. You may be able to drive yourself to your football games, but I will always cheer you on. You may end up running into preschool shouting “Bye, Momma” over your shoulder, but I will peek in through the windows to watch you grow. Do not take this as mistrust, rather my fulfillment of joy as a parent at the person I get to watch you become.

Empathy, my dear, is something I will be teaching from day one. I apologize half-heartedly in advance for the constant prodding you will hear in your head to think before you act or speak. I truly believe empathy is the heart and soul of life. If you are able to empathize, you can understand people of the world and make some valuable connections. If you can empathize, we will always be able to communicate openly and honestly. I pray that you are a thoughtful individual who never doubts that he is able. Similar to empathy would be your ability to maintain self-control. Know yourself and what makes you tick. Know your true limits and be able to differentiate them from the limits you put on yourself and then challenge those limits. I pray that you pay attention to yourself and your needs just as much as you pay attention to those around you. Just because you are caring and empathetic doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own well-being.

Finally, my love, I pray for your patience. Your father and I are doing this parenting thing for the first time. We have plenty of experience, but I know that our experience will either make us over confident, or slap us hard in the face letting us know nothing could truly prepare us for parenthood. Your father and I may not always agree on things, and we will ask for your patience while we figure it out. Food may not always be ready when you want it, and toys may not always be available when you look for them, during which times we will ask for your patience. When you do something for the first time, we will be too, so I pray that it is through us that you witness and learn how to be patient.

Above all, I pray for your soul; that you may know Jesus Christ and call Him friend. I pray that your father and I can guide you well enough that you are excited for church and that you make your own decision to dedicate your life to Christ through baptism when you are old enough to comprehend what that means and the weight of this decision in today’s world. I pray that you are not swayed or tempted by the world we live in and that you live to one day live in God’s kingdom. You are our biggest blessing and our most exciting adventure. We absolutely cannot wait to hold you in our arms and tell you everyday how much we love you.

Always,

Your loving mother