On Minimalism and Consumerism

My life has changed so much since becoming a mom. While that is probably the most obvious statement of the century, a lot of the changes were unexpected and completely surprising. I've become stronger, physically, emotionally, and mentally than I ever thought possible. I have become a lot more confident and now stand up for myself and my family in situations I otherwise would not have for fear of being called "picky" or "particular". And I have become a beginner minimalist. I say beginner because I have only just begun my journey of decluttering my life. I am so excited to share my thoughts on this subject!

I used to be such a consumer. I was an advertising agencies main audience. I would soak up whatever was trendy and desire to own it. Once I got whatever it was, I typically wouldn't use it as much as I thought I would and it would collect with my other "needs". Thinking back to my middle school self at the height of my materialism, I had so many things, but I didn't like it. I felt chaos when I went into my room, overwhelmed by things. However, I could never get rid of them. Reason 1) What if I need this someday. Maybe one day I will fix my Tamagotchi and it will be fun and trendy or worth something eventually (I wish). Reason 2) This is way too sentimental for me to ever not own. Reason 3) I wanted this so badly, so I'm just going to hang on to it because I must have wanted it for a reason. I cringe when I think of everything I could've gotten rid of. When I moved out, I got rid of a lot, but tried to hold on to everything I could. I would frequently go through things and get rid of little by little, but it wasn't until I had a baby that I realized it is impractical to hang on to a lot of things, my materialism has shattered as I've found more joy in Jesus, my husband and baby, and my church, in that order. 

I think a practical approach to view this change would be to discuss my change in interior decor. When I was in high school, I was very impressionable. I was on the cheer squad, so I had bows and long everywhere, including all over my room and walls. Posters of the Jonas Brothers were carefully hung as wallpaper. In high school, gone were the JB posters. In their place were picture frames and brand name store bags (what even!). When I got married and moved out, I embraced the South (still impressionable) and attempted the rustic look for a year and a half. Eventually I "found myself" and realized I was an eclectic bohemian gal. Our apartment was carefully curated with deep, rich tones and carefully selected pieces. When we brought Daxton home to this environment, I realized I couldn't handle the apartment the way it was. I felt like it was constantly in disarray with the dark colors making the space seem smaller. The baby gear quickly overwhelmed the space and I knew I needed a change or my anxiety would never cease. I would scroll my Instagram and spend a bit of time on profiles I found peaceful. They were scattered with whites, neutrals, wood, and beautiful greenery. I would feel calm even looking at these pictures and realized I needed to quickly bring that into my life in order to finally get a hold on motherhood or I would always be the frazzled mom who never had anything done on time. I now identify my interior style as modern bohemian. I had a real come to Jesus with my closet, my living room, and my makeup/toiletries under my sink (you know how that stuff collects!). I went through our DVD's, linen closet, hubby's closet, Daxton's closet, Daxton's toys, under our bed shenanigans (how is there SO MUCH stuff?) and was so proud at how much went to Goodwill. This was a process that lasted a few weeks. As I got rid of 20 items, I would bring in one more. Though the consumer is still alive, she is subdued. 

NOTE: This translates into baby items and clothing. I now find myself looking for timeless clothing and few mix and match pieces. I seek neutral color items and things that serve more than one purpose. I traded our old high chair for an Ikea one because it's extremely lightweight, easy to clean, and looks so much more pleasing to the eye. This doesn't mean I won't keep toys out or need my apartment to be clear of all baby gear, I just need everything to have its' place and still have enough room to stretch.

The concept of minimalism is that you find joy in freeing yourself from consumerism and materialism. I held on to so many things I thought would bring me joy, but I always remind myself that joy comes from Jesus, happiness is of the world. I know I would rather live in joy, so I get rid of things. Hubby always says he wants to help me relax by getting rid of things. I am proud of the way I tackle this task. I had a shirt in my closet that hadn't been worn in 4 yeas, but never would be donated; it was the shirt I was wearing when Hubby proposed. It was a teal lace number with a button in the back. I can't remember the last time I wore such a bold color. I knew I was literally NEVER going to wear it, so I had to tell myself that pictures will be enough and I need to part with the shirt. The freedom that came from that motivated me to get rid of 125 items from my closet. I have a long way to go, but this is a journey about focusing on the important things in life and realizing Jesus is all I need. Jesus and coffee.

http://www.theminimalists.com/minimalism/

On Channeling Your Senses

Recently, my therapist asked me to try a new method of dealing with my anxiety by focusing on my senses and identifying what makes me smile by way of my senses. For three weeks, I focused on my senses throughout the day and anytime I caught myself smiling, I made a note. I had never realized how much I smile, or how many things make me feel happy. I had a lot of options, but i narrowed them down to 10 things in each category. I would like to share those things I have heard, felt, smelled, seen, or tasted that have made me smile and I would like to challenge you, reader to do the same. Whether you adopt this method as a way of meditation, or dealing with emotions or just because, you will truly be able to appreciate the little things that often go unnoticed.

This list is 50 items long, so I apologize, but hopefully my commentary makes it worth the read:

Sight

1. Flowers-any flowers, I just love flowers

2. Pop-pop’s house-Long Island, New York

3. Our love box-where my husband and I keep almost six years of mementos

4. Anthropologie/Free People-the aesthetic 

5. Fitness Instagram Profiles-if they can do it, I can too!

6. My artwork-look how far I've come

7. The babies play-their personalities are amazing 

8. Bookstores-am I right?

9. Babies in the backseat-they make the funniest faces

10. My house-my design is on point

Sound

1. The babies talk-they try so hard
2. Elevation Worship-you can just feel the Lord!

3. Words of Affirmation-my love language

4. Pop-pop’s voice-I can still hear him telling me to do what makes me happy

5. “Then” Brad Paisley-Wedding song

6. “Firecracker” Josh Turner-wedding song

7. “The Stand In” Leighton Meester & Check In the Dark-first dance song

8. Talking to Stephen via Facetime-*tries to insert emoji with heart eyes*

9. Positive conversations with my mom-we are so similar its a little scary

10. My dad calling me “Bebe”-it's adorable

Touch

1. Warm clothes from the dryer-I can't be the only one who takes out the laundry and lies on top of the pile for a HOT SECOND (see what I did there)

2. Hot shower-again...am I right?

3. Bubble bath-with a lavender bath bomb

4. New book-the feeling of the crisp pages...

5. Cuddling with Stephen-all I want when I come home

6. Pedicure-I mean, duh!

7. Snuggling babies-when they let me

8. Running my fingers through Stephen’s hair-relaxes me too

9. Brushing the girls’ hair-so sweet

10. Warm sand-mmm I miss the beach

Taste
1. Nita’s Corn Casserole-Delicious 

2. Nana’s meatloaf-Delicious

3. Tea with milk-Pop-pop taught me how to drink my tea

4. Milkshakes-the best cure for anything

5. Clean Juice-how good does it feel to know exactly what you're eating/drinking

6. Mom's Sweet Potato Casserole-with a side of love and tradition

7. BBQ chicken-stephen makes a killer chef, and pretty easy on the eyes *tries to insert winking emoji*

8. Kale-because I'm recharged after a super kale salad

9. Pomegranate seeds-so refreshing!

10. Apple Pie cookies-my own creation

Smell
1. Lavender-calming

2. Peonies-beautiful

3. Hydrangeas-mmm

4. Apples and cinnamon-mmmm

5. Beach-mmmmm

6. Haven’s hair-mmmmmm

7. Stephen’s body wash-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *tries to insert kissy face emoji*

8. Woods/forest-now I want to go on a hike

9. New book pages/bookstores-to a bookstore

10. Woodshop/Pop-pop’s basement-on Long Island


-T

On Maturity

Lately I have come across a lot of instances in my life that have made me inflect on the idea of maturity. Defining maturity is just as difficult as it is easy. There are different measures of maturity, different types of maturity, and various things can be assigned a maturity level: cheese, people, wine, video games. I know this may seem like a very random or vague topic, so please bear with me as I write and try to make sense of my own thoughts as well!

When it comes to wine and cheese, maturity is measured by age. When determining the maturity of a person, I can assure you, age has nothing to do with it. I have met the most astonishingly mature ten-year old and a very immature person of fifty-five. One could say that the person who acts childish is the less mature. When we see a child acting not like a child, we praise him for being "mature".

I believe true maturity is when a person is able to act in a manner that is truly reflective of who they are. Basically, when you see guys being complete tools in the manner they treat women, that is honestly not who they are, but they are deflecting some other emotions or feelings in an unhealthy and immature way. When women are full crazy drama psycho maniacs who have no regard to other people's feelings, they are masking their true self and guarding their feelings and emotions in an unhealthy and immature way. But the minute a person decides to fix that, to right their attitude and own up to their emotions and feelings, no matter how irrational or flawed, is the minute that person truly matures. On a much smaller scale, looking back to myself just one year ago, I think how immature I was; I was forcing myself into a career and a lifestyle I was not happy with (this change is reflected in my design style, as illustrated in my previous post "On Starting Over" http://rosemaryandjames.blogspot.com/2015/11/on-starting-over.html). Recently, I began a journey on identifying my true self. In doing so, I have been able to feel more and more like I am truly acting in a way that is reflective of who I am. I find myself slipping and saying or doing something that is immature, meaning a way that is not reflective of who I am, and I always try to catch myself and use it as a springboard for growth.

Maturity in a person has little to do with age and a lot to do with experiences. If a person has been in a situation where they have been encouraged and allowed to be true to their self, they will often be much more mature than someone who has not. Perhaps that is why tweens (hate that word) and teens are usually seen as immature; they are finding identifying themselves while they are often trying to graduate, pick a career, struggling to make their parents happy, make good grades, stay involved, and just have fun!

So basically, if you're reading this and hoping to take something away, remember that life is too short to be anyone but yourself...I know I heard that somewhere so I just looked it up. Thank Anne Hathaway for that advice. But really, seek true maturity and you will find yourself; seek yourself and you will find true maturity.

Au revoir!
T

On Finding Yourself When No One Is Looking

I recently started a journey of upheaval and chaos in my life. I am now on a search for happiness in which I am hoping to find and define myself. In the past three months, I have quit my job and decided to change everything about the direction my life was headed. The issue that caused me to step back and reexamine my life was that I was simply not happy. So now, I need to figure out what it is that would make me happy and I need to define my own happiness. In order to do that, I need to find myself. But how on earth and I supposed to find myself if I am the only one looking?

I lose things. Ask each and every friend I have and they will all recall how at least twice a day I say, "Where is my chapstick? I swear, I just had it. I put it down right here and now it is gone!" I know many of you are laughing because you know it is so true. It happens with all my things: my phone, my glasses, my chargers, hair ties, clothes. In all those instances, I can always call on someone for help. Now I have lost myself, and no one can help me find me. There is no "Find My iPhone" and I can't just check in my purse or under my pillow. I know that in order to find myself, I am going to have to search deep within my soul, and that is a scary place. Perhaps the reason I have put this off for so long is because I am scared of what I will find. In fact, I am positive that is the reason. Redefining myself isn't just about revamping my closet, sticking to one genre of music, or finally having favorites; redefining myself means looking at my soul straight on and asking myself what is important to me and what truly makes me feel happy, appreciated, important, and needed. What I find my answers to be may not fit in my life as it is. So I ask myself which is more important: comfort and security, or dream fulfillment and true happiness. No matter if I use my pathos or my logos, the answer is pretty clear. I know there are people out there, even within my family, who would rather feel safe and secure than risk everything they know for a dream. So maybe I have already begun to find myself, because I know the path I will pursue is that of dreams, happiness, and a serious issue of wanderlust.

Looking back through my life, I don't know that I ever knew who I was. I constantly adapted to my surroundings in an effort to fit in. I became so many different people, that I never even thought that I wasn't me. This is not going to be easy, and it isn't going to always be happy, but it is an adventure, and I know the end result will be me having no regrets for things I wish I had done. I am going to take risks (skydiving, anyone?) and I am going to have to take some leaps of faith. I am going to raise hell and create a certain kind of chaos. I am going to break social norms and I am certain I will do whatever it takes to make me...me. Because I am on my own on this one, and I don't do anything the easy way.

Adventures are waiting for me, and I am just as eager for them.

Au revoir.
-T

On Controlling Your Emotions

From a very young age, it was obvious to my parents that I was a very emotional child. I have anxiety, which I dealt with throughout my childhood, and I would feel for everything. It wasn't just that I cried a lot (though if you ask my sister, she will definitely say I was a crybaby), but that I cried for so many things. My mom is the similar; we both have a lot of feelings and we both feel deeply, often personally, even if it isn't logical. My dad is the opposite. He doesn't have a lot of feelings...or so I thought...

Somehow, by the grace of God, my dad learned to control his emotions. He definitely has them, and he definitely feels them, but he controls them. I am sure it has to do with his childhood, being the oldest son of two with a single mom. No matter, he is a straight up G. He taught me everything I know about controlling my emotions. He made me aware that I was emotional. He questioned me when I got emotional, so that my logos could fight through for balance. He would assign me Bible verses to study at a young age that had to do with self control (you know the one...fruits of the spirit...love, joy, peace...), controlling your anger, and wearing the armor of God. The best thing he ever did for me was teach me to think before I act. I heard that at least three times a week, if not once a day. He was always like, "What do I always say? Think..." My impatient seven-year-old self would retort, "I know, I know. Think before I act." I would follow that with an eye roll, to which he would say I probably didn't think that one through. He was right.

I learned and practiced how to feel something, and then logically think through what my next move would be. All my life, I have been practicing a careful balance of pathos and logos. Little did I know how much all the annoying phrases and verses would affect me as an adult. Here I am now, contemplating some very serious life-changing decisions, trying to figure out what is best for me. Were I to act purely on pathos, I would end up wondering why I made decisions without thinking. If I make a decision based on logos, then I will surely regret following my instincts, even if they didn't make sense at the time. 

Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to have a superhero for a dad, or such a great role model for a mom, so they have to learn things the hard way. People make mistakes, and people have regrets. There is absolutely no reason to cry over your mistakes or question your choices. Absolutely everything that happens in life is a lesson. All experiences in a persons life shapes who they become.

So go out in the world! Live life. Make decisions based on your guts, the heart ones and the brain ones! Always learn from your experiences. But don't sit back and wonder. Dreams are so wonderful when you can pair them with action, otherwise they become nightmares. Go fly to the moon or sing on Broadway, but please be logical about it too. Like if you really can't sing, then don't sing on Broadway. Please.

Au revoir!

-T