On Bringing Up Bebe

Lately, I haven't been posting much to my blog, and that saddens me. When I began this blog page, I wrote that I would post whenever inspiration hit and unfortunately, that hasn't happened much. I apologize for the sloppy posts the past few months, but I have found inspiration in a coffee shop--like all legendary writers--and I will try my best to exhume my name like a phoenix from the ashes.

During my pregnancy, I did not read "What To Expect When You're Expecting". I did not get a subscription to Parents magazine, nor did I spend an excessive amount of time looking up pregnancy issues and complications. I did not make this a research assignment to become the best mom I could be. Honestly, I was very confident in my abilities from the beginning. I have worked with children all my life and I always knew I was meant to be a mother. I have had plenty of practice with children of all ages and stages, and most recently, my position as a nanny has prepared me for everything! I was given a devotional from a friend and that was the only publication I cracked open to prepare me for motherhood; the only one until I heard about the memoir by Pamela Druckerman "Bringing Up Bebe".

The book "Bringing Up Bebe" is the account of an American mother, Druckerman, who moved from New York with her British husband to Paris. She saw a vast difference in the behaviors of American and French parents and children and began a journey to delve deeper into the varied characteristics of each party. While the writing style is an easy read, you can tell the author put work into her studies. She has a large pool of people who were interviewed, a series of notes at the end of the book dictating where much of her statistical information came from, and the period of time that is covered is quite a few years. There has been a decent amount of controversy behind this book, but that is nothing new. In college, I wrote a paper on the lack of French children that have ADD/ADHD versus the massive amount of American children who are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. While completing my research, I was thrown into the black hole of cultural parenting styles. I was very intrigued and decided I was very much NOT the typical "American parent". When I heard about this book, you better believe my interest was piqued and I went straight to Barnes and Noble to make my first parenting book purchase.

Now, y'all know by now I have anxiety. This leads me to do silly things like obsess over reviews of books, movies, baby items, foods, technology, and whatnot (literally, what not). You can bet that even though I bought the book, I still looked up reviews and articles and blog posts pertaining to this book. I came across such varying opinions, and so strongly worded. Many American parents were offended, and many French parents quickly spoke up that Druckerman's portrayal of French parenting was inaccurate. You could not imagine my excitement to read this book the more I read these reviews.

Three months later and I am now 75% done with the book (definitely the most time I have EVER spent reading a book); I definitely appreciate this text. I feel that Druckerman does a fair job of pointing out that what she sees is not true of all families of all cultures, rather in her experience, the consensus is what she writes. I also feel that Druckerman hits on a lot of American parenting issues, which as an American, I agree with. Again, I have a ton of childcare experience and I have seen basically every type of parent. I have been in situations that seem only possible in a comedy film, and I have been in situations that make me truly weep for a child. I have also been in situations where I am astounded by a parent's skill and beg me to teach me their ways. I feel that I have built up enough research to be able to respond to Druckerman's experiences. This is what I have been inspired to do. There are a lot of issues Druckerman brings up from either culture (realize she mainly focuses on French and American parenting because that is where her experiences come from) that I would like to respond to. My poor husband is so tired of me consistently jumping on my soapbox and preaching my points of view in response to Druckerman. I pray that I can use this platform as an arena to share my opinions and perhaps begin a healthy, kind, dialogue about parenting styles. Or maybe I won't and I will move on from this book and find something else to be inspired by! Stay tuned...

-T

On Channeling Your Senses

Recently, my therapist asked me to try a new method of dealing with my anxiety by focusing on my senses and identifying what makes me smile by way of my senses. For three weeks, I focused on my senses throughout the day and anytime I caught myself smiling, I made a note. I had never realized how much I smile, or how many things make me feel happy. I had a lot of options, but i narrowed them down to 10 things in each category. I would like to share those things I have heard, felt, smelled, seen, or tasted that have made me smile and I would like to challenge you, reader to do the same. Whether you adopt this method as a way of meditation, or dealing with emotions or just because, you will truly be able to appreciate the little things that often go unnoticed.

This list is 50 items long, so I apologize, but hopefully my commentary makes it worth the read:

Sight

1. Flowers-any flowers, I just love flowers

2. Pop-pop’s house-Long Island, New York

3. Our love box-where my husband and I keep almost six years of mementos

4. Anthropologie/Free People-the aesthetic 

5. Fitness Instagram Profiles-if they can do it, I can too!

6. My artwork-look how far I've come

7. The babies play-their personalities are amazing 

8. Bookstores-am I right?

9. Babies in the backseat-they make the funniest faces

10. My house-my design is on point

Sound

1. The babies talk-they try so hard
2. Elevation Worship-you can just feel the Lord!

3. Words of Affirmation-my love language

4. Pop-pop’s voice-I can still hear him telling me to do what makes me happy

5. “Then” Brad Paisley-Wedding song

6. “Firecracker” Josh Turner-wedding song

7. “The Stand In” Leighton Meester & Check In the Dark-first dance song

8. Talking to Stephen via Facetime-*tries to insert emoji with heart eyes*

9. Positive conversations with my mom-we are so similar its a little scary

10. My dad calling me “Bebe”-it's adorable

Touch

1. Warm clothes from the dryer-I can't be the only one who takes out the laundry and lies on top of the pile for a HOT SECOND (see what I did there)

2. Hot shower-again...am I right?

3. Bubble bath-with a lavender bath bomb

4. New book-the feeling of the crisp pages...

5. Cuddling with Stephen-all I want when I come home

6. Pedicure-I mean, duh!

7. Snuggling babies-when they let me

8. Running my fingers through Stephen’s hair-relaxes me too

9. Brushing the girls’ hair-so sweet

10. Warm sand-mmm I miss the beach

Taste
1. Nita’s Corn Casserole-Delicious 

2. Nana’s meatloaf-Delicious

3. Tea with milk-Pop-pop taught me how to drink my tea

4. Milkshakes-the best cure for anything

5. Clean Juice-how good does it feel to know exactly what you're eating/drinking

6. Mom's Sweet Potato Casserole-with a side of love and tradition

7. BBQ chicken-stephen makes a killer chef, and pretty easy on the eyes *tries to insert winking emoji*

8. Kale-because I'm recharged after a super kale salad

9. Pomegranate seeds-so refreshing!

10. Apple Pie cookies-my own creation

Smell
1. Lavender-calming

2. Peonies-beautiful

3. Hydrangeas-mmm

4. Apples and cinnamon-mmmm

5. Beach-mmmmm

6. Haven’s hair-mmmmmm

7. Stephen’s body wash-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *tries to insert kissy face emoji*

8. Woods/forest-now I want to go on a hike

9. New book pages/bookstores-to a bookstore

10. Woodshop/Pop-pop’s basement-on Long Island


-T

On the Value of Education

In a few of my previous posts, I've written about my experience with education. I struggled most of my life sitting in classes trying to remain disciplined. Unfortunately, I was not encouraged in the areas that would allow me to fully develop my strengths and skills. When a student finds something they are interested in, it is extremely important to harness that attention and interest in education so that student does not suffer through school thinking of it as something to get over with quickly. Instead, students should strive to further their education, knowing that what they are learning will help them on their career path. I went to school all my life thinking I was going to become an educator, knowing full well my strengths had nothing to do with sitting in a classroom for my career, especially because I could barely do it through high school! I went to college as a major in education. I wrote this story my senior year for a final in which I had to write a lesson plan and followed by a narrative. I wrote my lesson surrounding Bud, Not Buddy, a story about a boy in 1936 who goes on a search for his dad. (The Sailor Moon pics are just because I'm obsessed...)

There once was a girl I knew who just didn’t like school. She did not like to read, she did not like to write, and she did not like computers. Her mother said computers would take over the world, and she had never used one before. When she brought books home, her mother would not read to or with her and she did not know why. When she wrote stories, her mom would look at them and throw them away. She tried to tell her teachers she could not read well, but her level was just high enough to pass her to the next grade. She wanted to be held back; maybe then her mom would help her. This made the girl not want to do homework or study. When her teachers threatened to call her mom or send a note home, she only got worse. As the end of the year grew closer and closer, the girl prayed she would not make it to the fourth grade. Alas, she was assigned a fourth grade teacher.

When school began, the girl knew she was in for it. This teacher seemed genuinely nice—she greeted every one with smiles and mechanical pencils—and the girl felt she did not want to disappoint her new teacher. All day, she paid attention in class and listened to everything the teacher said. Then, the teacher said they would do a research project toward the end of the year! A research what? The girl felt sick. She regretted slacking off the year before. That night, the girl went home and told her mom about school and how she was nervous for the research project. She hoped maybe her mom could help. The mom said something about not being able to help her and that she wouldn’t be able to complete her project. This made the girl angry and renewed her will to slack off, no matter how nice the teacher was. Throughout the year the teacher would ask the girl about her research project. She didn’t want to talk about it, or school in general, so she stayed quiet. She still never turned in her homework, though she secretly did it so she wouldn’t fall too far behind.

Finally, the time came for the research project. The girl felt somewhat ready and prepared, but knew she would not turn anything in. The teacher went through the first chapter of the book they were to study and read with them! The girl couldn’t believe it! Then, the teacher showed all the students how to use a computer! The teacher kept asking if anyone had questions—some people asked questions that really helped her, and some asked really silly questions. 

The teacher came up to the girl and asked her if she had any questions. She did; the girl didn’t know how to get rid of the number that popped up every time she hit “enter”. The teacher remarked that the girl must be very advanced if she was numbering her bullets, and the girl finally spoke up: “I actually don’t know how to get rid of them.” Without skipping a beat the teacher smiled and explained to her she had automatic numbering on. The teacher said it can help, but sometimes it can also get in the way. The teacher showed her how to get rid of the numbering system if she wanted. The teacher also said the girl could stay in on recess and practice working on the document and using the computer. The girl thanked the teacher and did just that. The girl realized she could always find someone to help, whether it was her mother or not. She decided she would try harder in school; all her peers knew how to use the computer and she should learn too! She found out she loved using the Internet with its' endless sources of information! She stayed in every recess she could and soon enough she was done with her research project before any one else. She felt so proud when she printed her notes and her research paper and turned it in. She even added a cover paper, which she had seen done on the Internet of course. 

When she brought home her A+, her mom looked at it and not saying anything set it on the counter, not in the trashcan. It sat there for a few days, and then disappeared. When the girl asked her mom about it, the mom got tears in her eyes. Her mom didn’t know how to read! From then on, the girl then read to her mom every night before bed about the little boy who went on a search for his father. 

On Being Me

Before I hit the world with my thoughts and dreams, I decided I should take some time and formally introduce myself. But then I realized, introductions suck! They're either boring, tedious, or common. So here are 15 quick facts if you ever encounter Tabitha and wish for a conversation starter...

1. I am an old soul. At the age of 23, I prefer tea to coffee, pen and paper to Microsoft Word, face-to-face conversation, and early nights in. 

2. There are four ways directly into the deepest parts of my soul: music, dance, wine, and books.

3. I don’t have any favorites. I have no favorite color, no favorite ice cream flavor, no favorite book, but I have preferences that change as quickly as the winds.

4. I don’t watch much TV, but I can watch movies all day, especially if they’re older classics. Audrey Hepburn is a goddess.

5. Design is everything! That is my life motto...not really, but it is a statement I truly believe. Everything is designed in some way, whether it’s the design to build your home, or your computer, or the design that was made for your clothing, or the ad that made you want to buy that clothing. I love the world of design, and I always pay close attention, especially to the design of Earth.

6. I lied. I do have a favorite. My favorite time of year is September 21-January 21. Do I need to justify this or can everyone agree that it is the best time of year?

7. I absolutely, unquestionably loathe and detest liars, the entitled, and bullies. 

8. I love to create anything: food, dessert, home decor, clothing, choreography. If I can create, there is no stopping this right-side-favoring brain!

9. Babies and the elderly are the most important types of people on Earth. Watching either of them can give you a completely new life perspective. 

10. Did I already mention books? Well, books are so important, they will be mentioned again. Have you ever gone into a bookstore and found the least populated, darkest corner to sit, open a new book, and smell the pages? If not, I promise it will be a life-changing experience. If my advice fails you and you feel that you have wasted your time, then you are too far gone you millennial robot and there is no helping you and your Kindle.

11. I find myself most at peace when I can put away my technology, get a large, comfy blanket, find a cozy armchair, and read. Tea in the morning or wine at night. There is nothing better.

12. I still take baths. And you can bet that it will be a candle lit bubble bath!

13. I’m an anxious, OCD, germaphobe. It’s unfortunate, but it’s who I am.

14. There are some things that exude romance simply by existing. Those are gentlemen who open your door, snow, and peonies. Always go for peonies. Don't settle for roses or gerber daises.

15. I don't believe in gender equality. I believe in freedom. Society has to work out what that means, as it has been for centuries. Give society a break. We are always breaking the norms, it comes with the territory of existing. It's called evolution. Anyway, why should women settle for equality?

I hope these facts were everything you hoped they would be. If you want to know more, all you have to do is ask. Do so anonymously, or let me know who you are and we can become friends. 

Au revoir,

-T