On "A Letter To My Wife"

Dear Wife, 

            For the past few weeks I have been asking myself what to get you for our anniversary. Now I always have a list of things you would like and I am typically very good about getting gifts either from that list or in my mind. Every time I thought about a gift I thought would suffice, I kept thinking, "No, my wife is always so creative and thoughtful with gifts that I don't want to just buy another gift." I want to give a true gift to my wife, one that I pour my heart into, one that really focuses on who you are and your love languages. So here it is, a letter to you. Not just a letter, but a letter in which I finally spell out all the situations I always said I did not have words for. I wanted to handwrite this, but I also really wanted you to be able to read this, so I opted to type. I do hope you enjoy this.

            My wife, my sweet wife, just look at how far we have come together as one team. Can you believe today we have been married three years. We have been in North Carolina for two years and three hundred and sixty days. We got here with nothing but a part time job, a one bedroom apartment, and love. Nothing about it was easy but we made every moment together as one from the moment we got here. To watch how much you have grown is this time has truly been a blessing. You connected with a family of people we have never met and you placed them in your heart. You opened up to them and connected in your own way with each and every kid. You met a friend who is almost like a sister and a couple that took us in as their family. When I look back it makes me tear up to see how God used you. You jumped into something new, randomly meeting people and were rewarded so greatly. I’ve seen you take a real job in teaching only to discover that wasn't for you, and that leads me here.

            Tabitha when I look at you back on the past seven months, I am so proud of you. The growth I have witnessed in you puts a smile on my face. From the moment Daxton, was born you had found a calling, a calling to push yourself to be the best you can be. I watched you dig deeper then you ever have and worker harder then I could ever imagine. When I see how hard you work for not just our son but our family, I get choked up. No matter how tired, sick, or exhausted you might be, you do whatever you have to for our family, most of the time with a smile on your face. Your strength compares to none, yet you knew God called you to grow stronger. You took on serving at church; not just serving, but placing yourself in a position that meant you had to be an extrovert and greet total strangers. You have poured yourself into it and have made an example for others. As I am typing this right now, I am fighting back tears of joy thinking about the night that we were at church and you looked and me and said “I’m going to work my window”. You walked straight up to the photo coordinator, you told her who you were and what you wanted. I was in awe. You saw what you wanted and took control of the moment God gave you. Ever since that moment you have been on a mission to be you. And you, Tabitha, are amazing, creative, dedicated, and disciplined. You have a true gift. You capture the very moment God works or Daxton learns something new. You capture thought and emotion. I am running out of ways to describe this incredible talent you have. You are the inspiration for our family. You are my inspiration, my push, and my drive, but most importantly, you are my wife.

            My wife who unscrambles my thoughts when others would get annoyed. My wife who has learned to tell I am crazy or wrong in the sweetest most perfect way. My wife who encouraged me through the toughest times I have ever faced. My wife who made me into the confident father I am. My wife who led me to Christ, led me to my Joy, listens to all my goals and pushes me to achieve. You are my wife who loves me every day, and for that Tabitha, I thank you.

Love, Your Husband

On Complete Transparency

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Never has a verse been so powerful in my life. Though I didn't spend much time on it until (what I hope was) the climax of our tough season had passed, I feel like this is my new life verse. I would really like to share how Jesus has moved in our lives these past few months and how our family is now changed because of His blessings.

The biggest and most obvious blessing in our lives is our son, Daxton. We had been working on our marriage for a while and had really gotten to a good place and decided we wanted a baby. I went to see my OB and about a month later, I went back for my verification appointment! Throughout my pregnancy, I doubted if we were ready, questioned if we had rushed into our decision. My husband was always ready to reply that God obviously thought we were ready or we wouldn't be pregnant. That always put so much peace in my heart. A blessing within a blessing, Daxton wasn't due until the end of racing season. Literally, the very last day of racing season. My husband missed the last two races to stay home on baby watch, and my whole family was able to fly out in time to be there when Daxton was born (my dad arrived 5 hours before we went to the hospital!). Blessing in that was that we had round the clock help for the first few weeks since my mother-in-law came right after my mom left, two weeks after Dax was born.

A blessing in disguise: my husband lost his job a week and a half after Daxton was born. His team shut down and he was back on the market, looking for jobs, along with that entire team, when most jobs had been filled. My husband was out of work for two months, and we had a newborn! Our families were so instrumental in our survival during that time. Our friends rallied to bring us meals and would come help us whenever we needed it (I'm looking at you, Twin!). Our Pastor unknowingly delivered sermons week after week that renewed our hope and faith that God was working on something great in our lives. (Shameless plug: check out the Christmas Eve sermon from Elevation Church titled "Learning Hope the Hard Way"http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/learning-hope-the-hard-way/) My husband and I realized that God was chopping us down to our roots, pruning our lives, so that we would have room for new growth, for the new opportunities God would provide as we raise our son to be a Christ follower. We had been cut down to a stump, and we were just praying that a shoot would rise from our roots and bear fruit (Isaiah 11:1-4). We prayed as a family, individually, and each with our son.

I never truly understood the power of offering until this time. At the end of the year, our church challenges us to give sacrificially, separate from what we tithe, to aid in the expansion and growth of the church. Leading up to this offering, my husband and I would discuss what we wanted to give. We had concluded we would comfortably sacrifice a percentage of our savings without bankrupting ourselves. Well, the good Lord thought we could be challenged further. When the time came, our savings was almost depleted and we weren't receiving any income (my maternity leave was a permanent leave). My husband and I have a box on the mantle that we throw loose change and extra cash in for date nights and further dream vacations. We said that whatever was in the box was what would go to the church. That would pretty much be everything we had, save what we needed for bills, rent, and gas/groceries. There was $90 and it all went to the church. I couldn't help but think of the Poor Widow's Offering (Luke 21:1-4). A few weeks later, my husband got a job with a great team, some of whom even attend our church. He is going to be home more, his hours will be more predictable, and he was making what he was making before. On his first day, I prayed with Daxton that Dad would love his job and be excited to go to work everyday. That night, as we were getting in bed, Stephen looked at me and said, "Is it weird that I'm actually excited to go to work tomorrow?" I became so emotional and I knew that God had truly done something wonderful in our lives.

The last blessing I want to write about is that because of how God worked in our lives, I am able to stay home with my son. It will be tough, but it makes the most sense. For the first year of Daxton's life, while he breastfeeds and is still learning about the world, I will guide him as his mom. After the first year, I will probably be eager for a job, but Dax won't get much socially his first year and feeding/nursing would be too difficult. Also, I would have to make double what I was before to really make it worth the price of childcare. And that's if we can find a good place with an opening! Staying at home is going to be a positive challenge for me, but I will be there for his first steps, his first words, his first foods, his first tooth.

Because of how God has generously given to my family, I am going to spend this year giving back. I've had it on my heart for a while to get involved in leadership in the church. I highly doubt God sent me to a four-year Christian university to take so many Bible classes for nothing. He was working in my life even then. This year, I have decided to focus on the path I want to walk in the church. I have began to serve, I am starting a small group (eGroup), and I have my sights set even higher. I know God wants to use me, and I am going to Focus my Fight ("Work Your Window") on the church.

-T