On "A Letter To My Wife"

Dear Wife, 

            For the past few weeks I have been asking myself what to get you for our anniversary. Now I always have a list of things you would like and I am typically very good about getting gifts either from that list or in my mind. Every time I thought about a gift I thought would suffice, I kept thinking, "No, my wife is always so creative and thoughtful with gifts that I don't want to just buy another gift." I want to give a true gift to my wife, one that I pour my heart into, one that really focuses on who you are and your love languages. So here it is, a letter to you. Not just a letter, but a letter in which I finally spell out all the situations I always said I did not have words for. I wanted to handwrite this, but I also really wanted you to be able to read this, so I opted to type. I do hope you enjoy this.

            My wife, my sweet wife, just look at how far we have come together as one team. Can you believe today we have been married three years. We have been in North Carolina for two years and three hundred and sixty days. We got here with nothing but a part time job, a one bedroom apartment, and love. Nothing about it was easy but we made every moment together as one from the moment we got here. To watch how much you have grown is this time has truly been a blessing. You connected with a family of people we have never met and you placed them in your heart. You opened up to them and connected in your own way with each and every kid. You met a friend who is almost like a sister and a couple that took us in as their family. When I look back it makes me tear up to see how God used you. You jumped into something new, randomly meeting people and were rewarded so greatly. I’ve seen you take a real job in teaching only to discover that wasn't for you, and that leads me here.

            Tabitha when I look at you back on the past seven months, I am so proud of you. The growth I have witnessed in you puts a smile on my face. From the moment Daxton, was born you had found a calling, a calling to push yourself to be the best you can be. I watched you dig deeper then you ever have and worker harder then I could ever imagine. When I see how hard you work for not just our son but our family, I get choked up. No matter how tired, sick, or exhausted you might be, you do whatever you have to for our family, most of the time with a smile on your face. Your strength compares to none, yet you knew God called you to grow stronger. You took on serving at church; not just serving, but placing yourself in a position that meant you had to be an extrovert and greet total strangers. You have poured yourself into it and have made an example for others. As I am typing this right now, I am fighting back tears of joy thinking about the night that we were at church and you looked and me and said “I’m going to work my window”. You walked straight up to the photo coordinator, you told her who you were and what you wanted. I was in awe. You saw what you wanted and took control of the moment God gave you. Ever since that moment you have been on a mission to be you. And you, Tabitha, are amazing, creative, dedicated, and disciplined. You have a true gift. You capture the very moment God works or Daxton learns something new. You capture thought and emotion. I am running out of ways to describe this incredible talent you have. You are the inspiration for our family. You are my inspiration, my push, and my drive, but most importantly, you are my wife.

            My wife who unscrambles my thoughts when others would get annoyed. My wife who has learned to tell I am crazy or wrong in the sweetest most perfect way. My wife who encouraged me through the toughest times I have ever faced. My wife who made me into the confident father I am. My wife who led me to Christ, led me to my Joy, listens to all my goals and pushes me to achieve. You are my wife who loves me every day, and for that Tabitha, I thank you.

Love, Your Husband

On Establishing Yourself in Your 20's

NOTE: This post was originally titled "On Settling Down In Your 20's", but I didn't want anyone to get the false impression that I've "settled". I am so lucky and #blessed to be where I am today!

Upon moving to the South, I went in search of a cupcake shop. It is completely imperative that one has a local bakery from which they can order a dozen cupcakes anytime they see fit. I found a cute little shop just a town over, and the owner was so sweet. I handed her my debit card to pay. She took it and looked at the picture. It was a picture of my husband and I on our wedding day. She asked if it was me and I replied that it was. "Oh, you're too young to be married! How old are you?" I was 22. I am now 24 and I have been married 2.5 years and have a two-month-old son. Many people I talk to would say I'm so young to be starting my family. Many others started their families earlier than I did. Many couples get married early in life and don't have kids for a while. But I have been told a lot of different things by a lot of different people and I would like to share why I'm glad I have made the choices that led me to where I am today.

Perhaps there is an argument to be made that when you're so young, you don't actually know what you want in a spouse. I strongly disagree. Unless you've lived under a rock your whole life, you know what types of people there are in the world and you know which types of people you want to have in your life.

I met my husband in high school. He was a junior and I was a senior. We started dating October after I graduated high school. To say we have had a rocky relationship would be an understatement. There were so many challenges and many issues we each had to work through, but we knew we would always be there for each other. Our relationship isn't perfect, but his love for me is as unconditional as humanly possible, overshadowed only by the Father's love and equating to my parents' love. There is no one who could love me as he does and make me feel as important. I knew this from the beginning. I never have ever doubted his love. From the moment we began dating, I knew this could be forever, and that scared me. I spent so much time pushing him away, afraid to commit before I was "ready" but I realized it was more important for me to have him in my life. I fail to see how she has anything to do with the situations we were in. If I had met my husband in middle school, we may have gotten married even sooner. If I had met him in college, we may still have gotten married sooner. The time we put into our relationship prior to our marriage was what we felt was best, and no one else can have an opinion because no one else is a part of that relationship.

After so many years of waiting and wishing, we finally had a baby boy. He is everything to me and I love him so. I never knew such pure, deep love until I gave birth to my son. He is my flesh and blood and I get to care for him day and night. He depends on me to eat, to change him, to get dressed, to sleep, to bathe, and I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband and I are the perfect team, which I knew based on our past experiences in the 6 years we've been dating (because we are always dating). I am a mom at 24 and I wish it was sooner! I know God had a plan for me and this baby and my family and He knew I wasn't ready before this, be he knew I would be a great mom, no matter how young I am.

The most common reason people don't want to start their family is that they are enjoying their life as it is. That is so great! There is no pressure on society for anyone of any age to have kids or get married. Just because your friends are doing it, doesn't mean you have to! I'll be completely honest, I see friends who travel all the time, who go out often, who go to concerts or events every weekend, and I get a little green. I do miss those fun times when I could call a friend and spontaneously meet up. Now I have to plan hours ahead so that I can leave on time for the pedi. I have to make sure that whatever craziness the day holds for me that I'm back in time to put Daxton to sleep by 8 so he can sleep for 8 hours(UPDATE: We're up to 10 hours!). But I look at my son and I look at my husband and I think how lucky I am to have such a beautiful life I get to influence and a wonderful husband to stand by me and love me. No concert or vacation could possibly fulfill that place in my heart.

Some define happiness by the amount of money in their bank account or by their career. Some define it by their car and their house. I define by the amount of joy in my life. Joy is not of this world, but of the Lord. I get my joy from my answered prayers. I prayed that I would be fulfilled in my marriage. I prayed that I would have a beautiful, healthy child. I prayed that I would find a community of people to be a solid part of my life. I prayed for true friendships. I prayed for my relationships with my mother, father, and sister. I have seen God answer all these prayers and overflow my life with blessings. I experience true joy daily and I wouldn't trade any part of my life because I'm too young.

-T