On "A Letter To My Wife"

Dear Wife, 

            For the past few weeks I have been asking myself what to get you for our anniversary. Now I always have a list of things you would like and I am typically very good about getting gifts either from that list or in my mind. Every time I thought about a gift I thought would suffice, I kept thinking, "No, my wife is always so creative and thoughtful with gifts that I don't want to just buy another gift." I want to give a true gift to my wife, one that I pour my heart into, one that really focuses on who you are and your love languages. So here it is, a letter to you. Not just a letter, but a letter in which I finally spell out all the situations I always said I did not have words for. I wanted to handwrite this, but I also really wanted you to be able to read this, so I opted to type. I do hope you enjoy this.

            My wife, my sweet wife, just look at how far we have come together as one team. Can you believe today we have been married three years. We have been in North Carolina for two years and three hundred and sixty days. We got here with nothing but a part time job, a one bedroom apartment, and love. Nothing about it was easy but we made every moment together as one from the moment we got here. To watch how much you have grown is this time has truly been a blessing. You connected with a family of people we have never met and you placed them in your heart. You opened up to them and connected in your own way with each and every kid. You met a friend who is almost like a sister and a couple that took us in as their family. When I look back it makes me tear up to see how God used you. You jumped into something new, randomly meeting people and were rewarded so greatly. I’ve seen you take a real job in teaching only to discover that wasn't for you, and that leads me here.

            Tabitha when I look at you back on the past seven months, I am so proud of you. The growth I have witnessed in you puts a smile on my face. From the moment Daxton, was born you had found a calling, a calling to push yourself to be the best you can be. I watched you dig deeper then you ever have and worker harder then I could ever imagine. When I see how hard you work for not just our son but our family, I get choked up. No matter how tired, sick, or exhausted you might be, you do whatever you have to for our family, most of the time with a smile on your face. Your strength compares to none, yet you knew God called you to grow stronger. You took on serving at church; not just serving, but placing yourself in a position that meant you had to be an extrovert and greet total strangers. You have poured yourself into it and have made an example for others. As I am typing this right now, I am fighting back tears of joy thinking about the night that we were at church and you looked and me and said “I’m going to work my window”. You walked straight up to the photo coordinator, you told her who you were and what you wanted. I was in awe. You saw what you wanted and took control of the moment God gave you. Ever since that moment you have been on a mission to be you. And you, Tabitha, are amazing, creative, dedicated, and disciplined. You have a true gift. You capture the very moment God works or Daxton learns something new. You capture thought and emotion. I am running out of ways to describe this incredible talent you have. You are the inspiration for our family. You are my inspiration, my push, and my drive, but most importantly, you are my wife.

            My wife who unscrambles my thoughts when others would get annoyed. My wife who has learned to tell I am crazy or wrong in the sweetest most perfect way. My wife who encouraged me through the toughest times I have ever faced. My wife who made me into the confident father I am. My wife who led me to Christ, led me to my Joy, listens to all my goals and pushes me to achieve. You are my wife who loves me every day, and for that Tabitha, I thank you.

Love, Your Husband

On Becoming a Size 6

***I wrote this yesterday but was nervous to post it because a lot of people may be offended and disagree with me. I fell asleep shortly after writing. Once I slept on it, I realized this is my opinion and that doesn't make it right or wrong, just an opinion of something I did and wanted to share***

So today is the day I realized I am a size 6. My weight loss journey began when I moved to NC. I knew I was unhappy with my weight and my lifestyle, so I changed it. Upon getting married and moving across the country, I had no job and a new spouse to impress. I began to really get into creative cooking. I had more time to work out and eat proper meals. I was drinking A LOT of water. I became close to a family who changed my life and redirected me down a path of health and wellness. They welcomed me into the "organic" realm and I began to be very conscious about what I ate AND where I got it from. I have always been a runner, and I used that as an outlet for stress, restlessness, anxiety, excitement, etc. My jobs were physically demanding and without setting any goals or making any diet plans, I lost about 25 lbs and 4 dress sizes. All I did was change my lifestyle, and that is ultimately what health and wellness are about. I understand positive body image and feeling good about "the skin you're in", but if you aren't living a healthy lifestyle, that isn't okay. Bad food=bad feeling. I cannot eat fast food anymore (Chick Fil A doesn't count, obvs) because I know how crappy I will feel after (and during). And don't get me wrong, I mess up. I just had half a Coke with dinner because Stephen brought it home for me and I didn't have the willpower to dump it. But I cannot and will not lose this progress I made. It extends beyond my weight. I have found I am able to get a much better hold over my emotions and anxiety, I am happier, I have more motivation to stay active, and knowing I am in shape helps that smile stay on my face a lot longer. 

So today, when I received a gift with a pair of pants size 6, I laughed to myself, thinking I would definitely need to exchange them for a bigger size. I tried them on and they were a bit tight so I went to the store to exchange them for a bigger size. The saleswoman asked if I was sure I wanted to exchange for a size 8 (still a stretch in my mind) because I looked like a size 6. I replied I definitely need a bigger size, laughing in my head, not thinking that she sees a hundred different people a day and she might know a thing or two about sizing. She had me try on a different style in a 6 and they fit AMAZING! I got those too because they were SO comfortable! I asked another saleswoman why the other size 6 was so tight and if their sizes weren't consistent. She said it was due to  high compression in the first pair versus none in the second. I asked which she thought was more accurate, because the woman up front must still be wrong, and she said she definitely thought I was a size 6 from the start. My mind was blown. I was definitely not expecting that to happen. I left with two size 6 pants wearing a pair of size 10 shorts I realized are too big on me and I subconsciously wash in hot water to shrink them up after each wear. I didn't believe in myself at all. If it wasn't for the salespeople being so helpful and interactive, I wouldn't be feeling so successful now. After 3 years and a 10 lb baby, I am so proud of myself and I am going to use this happiness to push myself to continue my lifestyle; organic and dairy-free. We eat balanced meals and don't buy junk (anymore). I walk/run-have to build back my endurance-with Daxton and we've been swimming a lot. Carrying Daxton alone is a workout! I believe in being healthy and fit, not skinny or thin. It doesn't matter if you're a size 0 or a size 10, as long as you have a healthy lifestyle and prioritize your health and wellness, you definitely should be comfortable in your skin!

July 2012

June 2017

These aren't great comp pictures, but like I said, I didn't set out to lose weight, just live a better lifestyle. I am so comfortable in my skin now and I know it's because I am healthy, fit, and well.

"Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit." 3 John 1:2

On Establishing Yourself in Your 20's

NOTE: This post was originally titled "On Settling Down In Your 20's", but I didn't want anyone to get the false impression that I've "settled". I am so lucky and #blessed to be where I am today!

Upon moving to the South, I went in search of a cupcake shop. It is completely imperative that one has a local bakery from which they can order a dozen cupcakes anytime they see fit. I found a cute little shop just a town over, and the owner was so sweet. I handed her my debit card to pay. She took it and looked at the picture. It was a picture of my husband and I on our wedding day. She asked if it was me and I replied that it was. "Oh, you're too young to be married! How old are you?" I was 22. I am now 24 and I have been married 2.5 years and have a two-month-old son. Many people I talk to would say I'm so young to be starting my family. Many others started their families earlier than I did. Many couples get married early in life and don't have kids for a while. But I have been told a lot of different things by a lot of different people and I would like to share why I'm glad I have made the choices that led me to where I am today.

Perhaps there is an argument to be made that when you're so young, you don't actually know what you want in a spouse. I strongly disagree. Unless you've lived under a rock your whole life, you know what types of people there are in the world and you know which types of people you want to have in your life.

I met my husband in high school. He was a junior and I was a senior. We started dating October after I graduated high school. To say we have had a rocky relationship would be an understatement. There were so many challenges and many issues we each had to work through, but we knew we would always be there for each other. Our relationship isn't perfect, but his love for me is as unconditional as humanly possible, overshadowed only by the Father's love and equating to my parents' love. There is no one who could love me as he does and make me feel as important. I knew this from the beginning. I never have ever doubted his love. From the moment we began dating, I knew this could be forever, and that scared me. I spent so much time pushing him away, afraid to commit before I was "ready" but I realized it was more important for me to have him in my life. I fail to see how she has anything to do with the situations we were in. If I had met my husband in middle school, we may have gotten married even sooner. If I had met him in college, we may still have gotten married sooner. The time we put into our relationship prior to our marriage was what we felt was best, and no one else can have an opinion because no one else is a part of that relationship.

After so many years of waiting and wishing, we finally had a baby boy. He is everything to me and I love him so. I never knew such pure, deep love until I gave birth to my son. He is my flesh and blood and I get to care for him day and night. He depends on me to eat, to change him, to get dressed, to sleep, to bathe, and I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband and I are the perfect team, which I knew based on our past experiences in the 6 years we've been dating (because we are always dating). I am a mom at 24 and I wish it was sooner! I know God had a plan for me and this baby and my family and He knew I wasn't ready before this, be he knew I would be a great mom, no matter how young I am.

The most common reason people don't want to start their family is that they are enjoying their life as it is. That is so great! There is no pressure on society for anyone of any age to have kids or get married. Just because your friends are doing it, doesn't mean you have to! I'll be completely honest, I see friends who travel all the time, who go out often, who go to concerts or events every weekend, and I get a little green. I do miss those fun times when I could call a friend and spontaneously meet up. Now I have to plan hours ahead so that I can leave on time for the pedi. I have to make sure that whatever craziness the day holds for me that I'm back in time to put Daxton to sleep by 8 so he can sleep for 8 hours(UPDATE: We're up to 10 hours!). But I look at my son and I look at my husband and I think how lucky I am to have such a beautiful life I get to influence and a wonderful husband to stand by me and love me. No concert or vacation could possibly fulfill that place in my heart.

Some define happiness by the amount of money in their bank account or by their career. Some define it by their car and their house. I define by the amount of joy in my life. Joy is not of this world, but of the Lord. I get my joy from my answered prayers. I prayed that I would be fulfilled in my marriage. I prayed that I would have a beautiful, healthy child. I prayed that I would find a community of people to be a solid part of my life. I prayed for true friendships. I prayed for my relationships with my mother, father, and sister. I have seen God answer all these prayers and overflow my life with blessings. I experience true joy daily and I wouldn't trade any part of my life because I'm too young.

-T

On Becoming a Mother

A letter I wrote to my unborn son:

November 21, 2016

Dear Daxton,

At this point, your due date has come and gone as of one hour ago. True, your due date changed a bit, but your dad and I liked the 20 best, so that’s what we stuck with. Unfortunately, you didn’t agree and you're still stuck in there, though it does seem like you want out. Your daddy and I want you out too and we are so hoping you make an appearance tomorrow. Your grandma is here, your Aunt CC (whatever you decide to call her is what we will go with) got in yesterday morning, and your grandpa is coming in Thanksgiving morning. We would love to celebrate your first Thanksgiving all together, so feel free to join us!

I am actually glad that you are still comfortable in the womb. You are already forming your personality of independence and self-awareness, which are traits I have prayed for in my children. These traits must be such a part of you that no crazy midwife concoction I ingest will get you to budge. I continue to pray that your father and I will be able to instill traits in you that will make you a strong man one day. Perhaps the most important traits are confidence, joy, chivalry, independence, empathy, self-control, and patience. Confidence is something that one can either have too much of, too little, or just the right amount. I pray that I challenge your confidence as much as I encourage it to get the right balance. Happiness may be important, but it comes from the world. Joy comes from Jesus and that is something I want you to learn you cannot live without. I pray that your never take for granted your faith or the freedom you have to practice that faith.

Your father is one of the only chivalrous men left on this planet. No other man has ever gone out of his way to open my car door, consistently made sure I was comfortable, or has brought me flowers just because. When your daddy wanted to propose, he asked your grandpa and grandma if he could marry their daughter. He has always made sure that I include my family in my everyday life. I pray that you are the type of gentleman for which all this is second nature, and that one day, when you find a woman you want to date, you naturally know you introduce yourself to her family and have her home early. I pray that you date to marry and you never go breaking a girl’s heart.

Independence is going to be a hard one for me as your mother. I want nothing more than a child who is confident enough in his own skin to not need me, but I want you to know I will always be there for you. You may be able to drive yourself to your football games, but I will always cheer you on. You may end up running into preschool shouting “Bye, Momma” over your shoulder, but I will peek in through the windows to watch you grow. Do not take this as mistrust, rather my fulfillment of joy as a parent at the person I get to watch you become.

Empathy, my dear, is something I will be teaching from day one. I apologize half-heartedly in advance for the constant prodding you will hear in your head to think before you act or speak. I truly believe empathy is the heart and soul of life. If you are able to empathize, you can understand people of the world and make some valuable connections. If you can empathize, we will always be able to communicate openly and honestly. I pray that you are a thoughtful individual who never doubts that he is able. Similar to empathy would be your ability to maintain self-control. Know yourself and what makes you tick. Know your true limits and be able to differentiate them from the limits you put on yourself and then challenge those limits. I pray that you pay attention to yourself and your needs just as much as you pay attention to those around you. Just because you are caring and empathetic doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own well-being.

Finally, my love, I pray for your patience. Your father and I are doing this parenting thing for the first time. We have plenty of experience, but I know that our experience will either make us over confident, or slap us hard in the face letting us know nothing could truly prepare us for parenthood. Your father and I may not always agree on things, and we will ask for your patience while we figure it out. Food may not always be ready when you want it, and toys may not always be available when you look for them, during which times we will ask for your patience. When you do something for the first time, we will be too, so I pray that it is through us that you witness and learn how to be patient.

Above all, I pray for your soul; that you may know Jesus Christ and call Him friend. I pray that your father and I can guide you well enough that you are excited for church and that you make your own decision to dedicate your life to Christ through baptism when you are old enough to comprehend what that means and the weight of this decision in today’s world. I pray that you are not swayed or tempted by the world we live in and that you live to one day live in God’s kingdom. You are our biggest blessing and our most exciting adventure. We absolutely cannot wait to hold you in our arms and tell you everyday how much we love you.

Always,

Your loving mother