So I'm sure this is an over-discussed topic. And there have been so many points of view already. But everyone is so different and has had different experiences, so what's another post on this topic?
Quick background on my friendships: Growing up, I had a constant revolving door of "best friends". My first bestie from Kinder and I got in an "argument" in third grade on the playground and that forever changed our dynamic. My 4th grade bestie moved after 6th. In middle school, I got closer with a friend who I wasn't that close to, and she is still one of my best friends, even though she's in Australia! High school I found friends I thought I would have forever. One in particular was a grade older than me, but we did everything together. We always wrote notes, drew each other pictures, walked each other to class. We said we were going to grow old together and be "aunts" to each other's kids and be each wedding. But come my senior year, I had made new friends since she was no longer on campus, and that created a lot of "high school drama". I really hate that we aren't friends anymore, but I have learned to deal. Unfortunately, very few friends ever stuck. I really can say I have two friends from school that I still actually want to talk to. College was different. I went to a Christian university, so most of the people I met were genuine. I made quite a few friends who I am still in contact with and I was so happy to have finally made lasting connections. Moving away was heartbreaking, since most of these friendships were still young and I didn't want to lose them. In NC, I had SUCH a hard time making friends, and still do. But I have definitely found people I want a friendship with. NOTE: I do have a best friend. He is my husband. I am so happy I married my best friend.
A few weeks back, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test. I had taken it in college, but I wanted to see if I had changed. I hadn't. I am the Advocate personality, INFJ. Reading about how that applies to friendships, I was blown away! The website explained that I long for authenticity, a rarity in today's world. Also, Advocates are private people, but wide open when they finally feel like they can trust someone. "Advocates seek out people who share their passions, interests and ideologies..."-16personalities.com. Honestly reading the whole thing, I kept exclaiming in excitement that it was so me and so true! I can;t cover all of it because there was a lot of information, but it really made me aware of my value as a friend (excuse the egotism). As I read, I kept thinking, "Why don't I have more friends, then?" and that thought saddened me. I think I may come on strong, but I do that because I am fearful of losing a potential friendship. Or I may be completely hands-off, because I am fearful to lose a potential friendship. Neither is healthy, but i would hope that someone who seeks a relationship with me notices this and can look past it.
So when I moved, I left everything I knew behind and had to start over. I was 22, just married, and home alone a lot! I couldn't go out on the town with young, single friends. I couldn't find married friends because Stephen was gone a lot. And I had no where to make friends. I was so desperate I tried an app that located other people nearby who were also looking for friends. I tried to make friends wherever I could. I began to babysit for a family, and their family welcomed me. That helped open the gateway to new friends. I began to attend church with them and found a welcoming community with other twenty something just married people. I feel like I have found people I can grow a friendship with, but what is the next step?
Step 1: Identify your "tribe". Who are the types of people you are seeking to attract. I wanted young people who were settling down in life. Figure out who you're looking for.
Step 2: Locate your "tribe". Where would these types of people hang out? If you're looking for friends to party with, you might go to a bar late at night with a friend or to looking for more friends. If you're like me, church is probably the best place (I actually think church is always the best place to find friends, but to each her own).
Step 3: Find common ground. Obviously you don't need to be "twinsies" from the beginning, but you do need to find a commonality. Music, ethnicity, location are all broad ideas.
Step 4: Exchange information: I know this may seem obvious, but I forget. Hubby and I actually went to dinner last week with married friends and I forgot to ask her number. I asked on IG, but I don't think she saw because she didn't give it to me...
Step 5: Don't overthink it! I am such a worrier. A quiet worrier, but a worrier nonetheless. I get deep in my mind and think worst case scenario without fail every single time! In the above situation, I thought, 'Wow I must have come on so strong. She doesn't want to give me her number. I'm such a weirdo. I'll never make a good friend.' But there's a big chance that's not true. Just be you and if someone doesn't like that, you need to be okay with that because authenticity is key in a solid friendship.
Step 6: Maintenance. I am literally the most low maintenance friend there is. I don't need to talk to you fro ages and we can have one conversation and I'm like, "Man, this girl is my super bestie and we are the best bestie I could ever imagine!". But that isn't always the case. And to actually have a healthy, productive, solid friendship, much more maintenance is required. I have so many relationships I want to make solid friendships, but I know I am not pouring in the energy I should be. I know it's tedious, but if you don't put in energy, you can't expect your potential bestie to put any in either.
Step 7: Communicate. In any relationship, communication is key. I don't just mean talking, which I do a lot of unfortunately (anyone else find their mouth going on and on about themselves and their brain is yelling at them to shut up!?!). I'm saying have honest, open communication. Listen when you're not speaking and speak with intentionality. Man, I sound so much better when I write out what I want to say than when I'm face to face. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses and use them. I always prefer to text than call because I have more time to think of my response.
Step 8: Prayer. Ask God to send people into your life who will add joy and peace to your life, not chaos and destruction. We all know that toxic people shouldn't be in our lives, so be adamant about not allowing them in in the first place. I've had to get rid of some toxic people, and it definitely isn't easy, but praying about it is the encouragement I need to remind myself to seek joy in His kingdom, including friends who share the same beliefs. If you need verses or prayer guidance when it comes to seeking friendships, let me know. I don't want to overwhelm this post anymore than it already is.
Currently, I'm finding a lot of mama relationships on IG. But most of them are comments here and there. I see so many moms making great friendships and again, I wonder why I can't seem to get a phone number. I try everyday to follow these steps. Life constantly gets in the way, and sometimes the work I've put into a relationship moves backward like, a million steps. But I know if I stay at it and pray, God will provide. I need to pray like my prayer is already answered (I forgot which verse that is and I am way too exhausted to look it up...someone please tell me!)
Good luck, friends! -T
Showing posts with label mom blogger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom blogger. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Saturday, June 3, 2017
On Baby Led Weaning
So I have been receiving a LOT of interest regarding my baby-feeding methods, so I thought I should address it widely for future reference. This is my take and opinion on baby-led weaning (BLW). There are a ton of other sources to get info from regarding this method and other baby-feeding methods. The book I read and will reference is Baby-Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods and Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett.
First, I need to thank Georgia for telling me about this book and then dropping it off at my doorstep. You are so amazing and you've done so much for our little fam! Ah my mind is so excited to talk about this, I feel like this is going to be the most disorganized post, so bear with me. I am going to try to break this up a lot.
BACKSTORY
We started feeding D at 4 months. He was grabbing for our plates and succeeding because he is so dang strong! We knew he wanted food and he wanted to eat with the big kids. So we gave him purees, because that is what I thought we were supposed to do. My father-in-law would joke around asking D if he wanted some of his food when he was hungry and we were all trying to eat and we had to pass D around and eat dinner together. I was horrified at just the thought of a baby getting real food. He can't chew that! While I do think 4 months is too early to have started BLW, I didn't know it was a thing until my friend, Georgia, said something to me about it when D was 5 months, 3 weeks. I COMPLETELY changed my way of thinking and am literally never going back. BLW does not promote purees, but I actually like the way we did it, since D was early on the desire for food and clearly showing all the signs, but his stomach was not ready. I feel the purees was a good way for him to begin to explore taste. We never regarded the purees as a "meal" rather and "adventure". I think BLW is more than a method, it is a mindset.
BABY-LED WEANING?
Okay, so what the heck is baby-led weaning. It is NOT weaning your baby off anything. It is simply weaning your baby onto solid food. The "baby-led" part means that your baby is in control (for the most part). This is a method of introducing solid foods into a baby's life and allowing them to learn to feed their self. So what ever you choose to feed baby, you won't actually feed him. It goes on his highchair (or a plate if you hate yourself), and he can pick and choose what goes in his mouth, hence the term "baby-led". If you put quinoa, banana, and eggs on your baby's highchair and you notice all the banana and eggs are gone, but the quinoa is just there (probably all over the highchair), chances are baby didn't like it. But don't fret, try again! Because baby will keep wanting to explore food, he will keep tasting what you give him. If he continues to refuse quinoa every time you put it down, then he for sure isn't into it. But you know this because HE TOLD YOU. Also, BLW skips the rice cereal. I don't know about you, but I usually prefer Honey-Nut Cheerios to regular Cheerios, or BBQ chips to regular ones. As adults, we crave flavor. A baby is no different. Baby's are born with more taste buds than an adult. If rice cereal is a first food, they will come to learn of flavorless foods and prefer a bland diet. This is how BLW diversifies food for a baby and produces less picky eaters.
BABY EATS WHEN YOU EAT
BLW allows you to eat at the same time as baby so there is no hand-off, first mom eats, then dad eats. This is probably one of my favorite things now. I used to be petrified at the thought of taking D to a restaurant. When we did, we had to bring toys and pray that he wouldn't fuss, because then we would end up holding him in our lap while we tried to eat. In fact, my sister and I once went to Smoke BBQ and had to take turns feeding him while the other ate. She ended up taking him outside so he wouldn't disturb the other patrons. I felt so embarrassed! Now, we put D in a highchair and give him some of our food. Last week, I took D out and asked the server to bring us extra peppers for D to gnaw on. It was perfect! He ate, I ate, we were happy. Also, I love when people are stunned by how well he eats and behaves. When someone asks "Won't he choke, I am more than happy to explain to them that he is equipped with the knowledge to spit out his food once it gets too far back. All babies are. Babies intrinsically know how to latch onto the breast when they are born, just as they know to spit out a piece of food that they cannot swallow. This allows them to learn to chew, a complex motion if you think about it. Watching D learn all of this and figure it out brings my such joy and pride! I look forward to our meals together now. I love being able to eat with my baby. We eat breakfast in the kitchen every morning and lunch and dinner in the dining room. It is our time to spend together and as he gets older, this will already be something he is used to and it will be our norm. We will discuss life and friends and what we are doing/have done that day.
NO PUREES
What do you feed baby? Solids. Not purees. True "what Mama is eating" solids. Baby eats what you eat which allows baby to feel included. There is no mess or planning as there is with making or buying purees. You don't even have to worry about stages. Baby is capable of putting food in his own mouth. Baby will gnaw on whatever you give him. Any pieces that come off will most often be spat out. D has come to be able to chew and suck on his food enough to swallow it, but most of the time he spits it back out. When D eats peppers (I'm convinced these are his favorite) he is able to break apart pieces, but he still doesn't swallow. Choking hazard? Well, apparently babies gag reflex is closer to the front of their mouth when they are born and slowly moves back as they develop. Whether you want to trust/depend on this or not, babies automatically spit out food when they start to gag on it. The gaging can be scary at first, but watching baby learn from it is amazing! Just now, D was gnawing on an apple slice. He was able to break a piece off (he doesn't have teeth, how the heck does he do it?!) and I was SO nervous, watching him with unblinking eyes as he sucked on this bit that ended up in his mouth. Watching his eyes as he tried to figure it out was so cool. I could see his emotions and I could tell he was learning something new. He knew not to swallow it and to keep it away from the back of his throat, but he was having trouble getting it out of his mouth. He looked at me and started to cry. I took it out for him, and he put it back in! He was determined to master the apple! The key to BLW is (obviously, I should HAVE to say this) DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BABY UNATTENDED. Really, when your baby is eating anything baby should not be left unattended. Especially with solid food, please watch your baby. Especially because its fun!
FOOD EXPLORATION
The best part; baby is STILL BREASTFEEDING! I know Daxton is getting all the nutrients he needs from me, I don't have to obsess over how much he is eating and I can allow him to decide when he is done with a meal or when he wants more. This allows food to be fun. He won't get upset when I try to feed him and he won't eat anymore. As he continues this BLW journey, he will learn that food is something that makes him feel full. He will then slowly want to breastfeed less and less and want solids more and more. Again, refer to the term "baby-led". If I have learned anything from my 6 month journey of motherhood, I have learned that life is so much easier when you follow your baby's cues. In no way am I saying do what baby says, baby is boss; I am simply imploring you to watch your baby and see what their preference is and maybe work with them. Let your baby tell you when they are ready for certain foods and they will be much easier to feed in the future!
THE MESS
The downside to BLW? Holy cow, it is SO messy! I feel terrible because of course I am the one who began our family down this BLW journey, and my oh so loving and devoted husband quickly learned how messy it is and is now, he is always ready after a meal with the broom and WetJet. We realized it would probably work in our favor to get a less bulky, easier to clean high chair and a mat for under the high chair so that messes would be a breeze to clean.
So this is my take on BLW. I know there is so much more I didn't talk about, so ask questions! I really feel like I should stress the importance of checking ingredients in foods and buying organic, especially produce, eggs, and dairy. Check out the EWG's list of top dirty foods to buy organic (https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/dirty_dozen_list.php). My family is adamant about only buying organic or not at all for the dirty dozen. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book I mentioned earlier for any mommas or dads wanting to venture down this road! Oh no, D is crawling now and getting into the tissue box. Gotta go. Enjoy!
First, I need to thank Georgia for telling me about this book and then dropping it off at my doorstep. You are so amazing and you've done so much for our little fam! Ah my mind is so excited to talk about this, I feel like this is going to be the most disorganized post, so bear with me. I am going to try to break this up a lot.
BACKSTORY
We started feeding D at 4 months. He was grabbing for our plates and succeeding because he is so dang strong! We knew he wanted food and he wanted to eat with the big kids. So we gave him purees, because that is what I thought we were supposed to do. My father-in-law would joke around asking D if he wanted some of his food when he was hungry and we were all trying to eat and we had to pass D around and eat dinner together. I was horrified at just the thought of a baby getting real food. He can't chew that! While I do think 4 months is too early to have started BLW, I didn't know it was a thing until my friend, Georgia, said something to me about it when D was 5 months, 3 weeks. I COMPLETELY changed my way of thinking and am literally never going back. BLW does not promote purees, but I actually like the way we did it, since D was early on the desire for food and clearly showing all the signs, but his stomach was not ready. I feel the purees was a good way for him to begin to explore taste. We never regarded the purees as a "meal" rather and "adventure". I think BLW is more than a method, it is a mindset.
BABY-LED WEANING?
Okay, so what the heck is baby-led weaning. It is NOT weaning your baby off anything. It is simply weaning your baby onto solid food. The "baby-led" part means that your baby is in control (for the most part). This is a method of introducing solid foods into a baby's life and allowing them to learn to feed their self. So what ever you choose to feed baby, you won't actually feed him. It goes on his highchair (or a plate if you hate yourself), and he can pick and choose what goes in his mouth, hence the term "baby-led". If you put quinoa, banana, and eggs on your baby's highchair and you notice all the banana and eggs are gone, but the quinoa is just there (probably all over the highchair), chances are baby didn't like it. But don't fret, try again! Because baby will keep wanting to explore food, he will keep tasting what you give him. If he continues to refuse quinoa every time you put it down, then he for sure isn't into it. But you know this because HE TOLD YOU. Also, BLW skips the rice cereal. I don't know about you, but I usually prefer Honey-Nut Cheerios to regular Cheerios, or BBQ chips to regular ones. As adults, we crave flavor. A baby is no different. Baby's are born with more taste buds than an adult. If rice cereal is a first food, they will come to learn of flavorless foods and prefer a bland diet. This is how BLW diversifies food for a baby and produces less picky eaters.
BABY EATS WHEN YOU EAT
BLW allows you to eat at the same time as baby so there is no hand-off, first mom eats, then dad eats. This is probably one of my favorite things now. I used to be petrified at the thought of taking D to a restaurant. When we did, we had to bring toys and pray that he wouldn't fuss, because then we would end up holding him in our lap while we tried to eat. In fact, my sister and I once went to Smoke BBQ and had to take turns feeding him while the other ate. She ended up taking him outside so he wouldn't disturb the other patrons. I felt so embarrassed! Now, we put D in a highchair and give him some of our food. Last week, I took D out and asked the server to bring us extra peppers for D to gnaw on. It was perfect! He ate, I ate, we were happy. Also, I love when people are stunned by how well he eats and behaves. When someone asks "Won't he choke, I am more than happy to explain to them that he is equipped with the knowledge to spit out his food once it gets too far back. All babies are. Babies intrinsically know how to latch onto the breast when they are born, just as they know to spit out a piece of food that they cannot swallow. This allows them to learn to chew, a complex motion if you think about it. Watching D learn all of this and figure it out brings my such joy and pride! I look forward to our meals together now. I love being able to eat with my baby. We eat breakfast in the kitchen every morning and lunch and dinner in the dining room. It is our time to spend together and as he gets older, this will already be something he is used to and it will be our norm. We will discuss life and friends and what we are doing/have done that day.
NO PUREES
What do you feed baby? Solids. Not purees. True "what Mama is eating" solids. Baby eats what you eat which allows baby to feel included. There is no mess or planning as there is with making or buying purees. You don't even have to worry about stages. Baby is capable of putting food in his own mouth. Baby will gnaw on whatever you give him. Any pieces that come off will most often be spat out. D has come to be able to chew and suck on his food enough to swallow it, but most of the time he spits it back out. When D eats peppers (I'm convinced these are his favorite) he is able to break apart pieces, but he still doesn't swallow. Choking hazard? Well, apparently babies gag reflex is closer to the front of their mouth when they are born and slowly moves back as they develop. Whether you want to trust/depend on this or not, babies automatically spit out food when they start to gag on it. The gaging can be scary at first, but watching baby learn from it is amazing! Just now, D was gnawing on an apple slice. He was able to break a piece off (he doesn't have teeth, how the heck does he do it?!) and I was SO nervous, watching him with unblinking eyes as he sucked on this bit that ended up in his mouth. Watching his eyes as he tried to figure it out was so cool. I could see his emotions and I could tell he was learning something new. He knew not to swallow it and to keep it away from the back of his throat, but he was having trouble getting it out of his mouth. He looked at me and started to cry. I took it out for him, and he put it back in! He was determined to master the apple! The key to BLW is (obviously, I should HAVE to say this) DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BABY UNATTENDED. Really, when your baby is eating anything baby should not be left unattended. Especially with solid food, please watch your baby. Especially because its fun!
 |
| We LOVE banana pancakes! |
 |
| Banana pancakes-1 banana, 2 eggs. Mash, whisk, cook, cool, serve. |
FOOD EXPLORATION
The best part; baby is STILL BREASTFEEDING! I know Daxton is getting all the nutrients he needs from me, I don't have to obsess over how much he is eating and I can allow him to decide when he is done with a meal or when he wants more. This allows food to be fun. He won't get upset when I try to feed him and he won't eat anymore. As he continues this BLW journey, he will learn that food is something that makes him feel full. He will then slowly want to breastfeed less and less and want solids more and more. Again, refer to the term "baby-led". If I have learned anything from my 6 month journey of motherhood, I have learned that life is so much easier when you follow your baby's cues. In no way am I saying do what baby says, baby is boss; I am simply imploring you to watch your baby and see what their preference is and maybe work with them. Let your baby tell you when they are ready for certain foods and they will be much easier to feed in the future!
THE MESS
The downside to BLW? Holy cow, it is SO messy! I feel terrible because of course I am the one who began our family down this BLW journey, and my oh so loving and devoted husband quickly learned how messy it is and is now, he is always ready after a meal with the broom and WetJet. We realized it would probably work in our favor to get a less bulky, easier to clean high chair and a mat for under the high chair so that messes would be a breeze to clean.
So this is my take on BLW. I know there is so much more I didn't talk about, so ask questions! I really feel like I should stress the importance of checking ingredients in foods and buying organic, especially produce, eggs, and dairy. Check out the EWG's list of top dirty foods to buy organic (https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/dirty_dozen_list.php). My family is adamant about only buying organic or not at all for the dirty dozen. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book I mentioned earlier for any mommas or dads wanting to venture down this road! Oh no, D is crawling now and getting into the tissue box. Gotta go. Enjoy!
Sunday, May 28, 2017
On My Need to be Needed
Daxton is currently asleep in his crib in his room. It has just started pouring and there is a crazy amount of thunder and lightning outside. I woke Stephen up because I know he loves thunderstorms. He checked his radar and told me the storm isn't actually here yet, so it's going to get a lot worse ("hail likely"). I said, "Well he's going to wake up!" I keep checking the monitor and he hasn't moved. Why am I so frantically checking and wondering about him? He's slept through bad storms before and made it through tornado warnings. But I thought to myself how cute and sweet it would be when he's older and we have a storm and he rushes into our room because the sounds scare him and he needs us. How terrible that I'm actually excited for him to be frightened! But it's because I want him to need me.
We have just started the transition from Daxton sleeping in our room into his crib in his room. I know, judge me all you want for waiting to month six, but I love my baby and I want to keep him little forever. It's been hard. I have spoken with a sleep consultant and I didn't realize how badly my need to be needed was affecting him. When Dax would have a hard time sleeping, I would put him in bed with us (even though I adamantly preached against it) so I could nurse him and hold him close. I have grown to crave those times when he falls asleep in my arms and we can nap for two hours together. But the constant advised me that we needed to cut it out and be consistent, meaning no more naps with mom, at least until he gets a routine and understands sleeping in his crib. The consultant told me, "It is no longer your job to put him to sleep, but to teach him to sleep on his own and support him as he does." This really helped put me in the right mindset so I knew I was still needed. So Stephen and I planned on starting this process on a night before he was off of work incase it went absolutely terribly. Every morning leading up to that day, I spent loving D extra hard and keeping him in bed with me longer. These are my absolute favorite memories. I can't say it was great, but I can say it didn't go as badly as we expected. And each night since has gotten increasingly better. But he still wakes up because he needs love and comfort from us.
We will never not be needed. Actually, we will never not be desired. At this point, I don't NEED my parents, but I really, really need my parents. I truly, deeply wish that they were here, and not 2,000+ miles away. I would love for my mom to just show up and clean my house while I snuggled with D or my Dad to run errands for/with me. Being a new parent is hard and it would be so nice to have my parents. I will never stop needing them. At this stage in Daxton's life, he needs me intensely. He literally can't do anything on his own. He can feed himself, but he can't make his own food. He can move throughout the house, but he can't open doors. He can sleep, but he needs help getting there. After this phase of life, he will need me to teach him how to behave, how to be well-mannered and respectful. He will need me to guide him through his faith and figure out his passions in life. When he gets involved with sports and school and friends, he will need me to drive around. He will come to expect me to just do for him what he needs, but I will do it gladly, knowing he doesn't understand that I can choose not to drive him around, knowing that to him, that is my job. Eventually, he will be a teenager, and Lord knows he will need me, with those dimples and those eyes. It will be my job to teach him expectations and self-care. It will be mine and Stephen's job to teach him how to love and how to be loved. We will teach him the value of an education and encourage him to go to college, or at least some next level school to perfect what it is he wants to do. We will teach him to drive and he will then learn how time consuming it all was for us as parents to constantly cart him around. And when he goes to college, we will still be needed: laundry on weekends, meals when ramen is no longer edible, a place for his roommates to crash during the holidays. When he gets married, he will need us. He won't realize how unprepared he will be for marriage until after he is married (all you married people know what I'm talking about). And then when he has a baby, well as I said earlier, I really need my mom and dad. That's when I can share with him small lessons I learned as I was a new parent and how it really grows you and rewards you, despite the difficulties. And perhaps there will come a time when I no longer have anything to give, but I hope that he will then come to my aid, when I cannot stand by self or walk up stairs, or even when I just want to talk. I want to parent how God parents (my friend just pointed out God's parenting style to me). I want to be merciful and gracious and loving, but also allowing teaching moments so that my child will grow to be all I know he can be. And then one day, he will come to me realizing all I've done for him, all the times he should've listened to me instead of learning something the hard way, and I will just give him a hug and make him a meal. But even God wishes to be desired, to be needed, which is why He gave us free will, so we could CHOOSE to love him and turn to him. God rejoices in our prayer because we are recognizing that we need his help. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be needed, I just don't have to be excited for the difficulties my children will ultimately face because I know that I will always be needed.
We have just started the transition from Daxton sleeping in our room into his crib in his room. I know, judge me all you want for waiting to month six, but I love my baby and I want to keep him little forever. It's been hard. I have spoken with a sleep consultant and I didn't realize how badly my need to be needed was affecting him. When Dax would have a hard time sleeping, I would put him in bed with us (even though I adamantly preached against it) so I could nurse him and hold him close. I have grown to crave those times when he falls asleep in my arms and we can nap for two hours together. But the constant advised me that we needed to cut it out and be consistent, meaning no more naps with mom, at least until he gets a routine and understands sleeping in his crib. The consultant told me, "It is no longer your job to put him to sleep, but to teach him to sleep on his own and support him as he does." This really helped put me in the right mindset so I knew I was still needed. So Stephen and I planned on starting this process on a night before he was off of work incase it went absolutely terribly. Every morning leading up to that day, I spent loving D extra hard and keeping him in bed with me longer. These are my absolute favorite memories. I can't say it was great, but I can say it didn't go as badly as we expected. And each night since has gotten increasingly better. But he still wakes up because he needs love and comfort from us.
We will never not be needed. Actually, we will never not be desired. At this point, I don't NEED my parents, but I really, really need my parents. I truly, deeply wish that they were here, and not 2,000+ miles away. I would love for my mom to just show up and clean my house while I snuggled with D or my Dad to run errands for/with me. Being a new parent is hard and it would be so nice to have my parents. I will never stop needing them. At this stage in Daxton's life, he needs me intensely. He literally can't do anything on his own. He can feed himself, but he can't make his own food. He can move throughout the house, but he can't open doors. He can sleep, but he needs help getting there. After this phase of life, he will need me to teach him how to behave, how to be well-mannered and respectful. He will need me to guide him through his faith and figure out his passions in life. When he gets involved with sports and school and friends, he will need me to drive around. He will come to expect me to just do for him what he needs, but I will do it gladly, knowing he doesn't understand that I can choose not to drive him around, knowing that to him, that is my job. Eventually, he will be a teenager, and Lord knows he will need me, with those dimples and those eyes. It will be my job to teach him expectations and self-care. It will be mine and Stephen's job to teach him how to love and how to be loved. We will teach him the value of an education and encourage him to go to college, or at least some next level school to perfect what it is he wants to do. We will teach him to drive and he will then learn how time consuming it all was for us as parents to constantly cart him around. And when he goes to college, we will still be needed: laundry on weekends, meals when ramen is no longer edible, a place for his roommates to crash during the holidays. When he gets married, he will need us. He won't realize how unprepared he will be for marriage until after he is married (all you married people know what I'm talking about). And then when he has a baby, well as I said earlier, I really need my mom and dad. That's when I can share with him small lessons I learned as I was a new parent and how it really grows you and rewards you, despite the difficulties. And perhaps there will come a time when I no longer have anything to give, but I hope that he will then come to my aid, when I cannot stand by self or walk up stairs, or even when I just want to talk. I want to parent how God parents (my friend just pointed out God's parenting style to me). I want to be merciful and gracious and loving, but also allowing teaching moments so that my child will grow to be all I know he can be. And then one day, he will come to me realizing all I've done for him, all the times he should've listened to me instead of learning something the hard way, and I will just give him a hug and make him a meal. But even God wishes to be desired, to be needed, which is why He gave us free will, so we could CHOOSE to love him and turn to him. God rejoices in our prayer because we are recognizing that we need his help. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be needed, I just don't have to be excited for the difficulties my children will ultimately face because I know that I will always be needed.
Friday, April 21, 2017
On Appreciating the Bad Days
So that vacation we took wasn't much of a vacation. Dax was super extra fussy all day. He took a decent nap this morning but teething is really taking its toll. You know when your kid is really off and nothing works so you just have to hold him and love one him--I basically had to hold him all day. I'm not complaining about it at all. Maybe it is because I had already decided to do nothing today or maybe God put a peace over my heart, but I remained strong and positive all day. That is a huge feat considering I only got 3 hours of sleep. However, I was shriveling up inside. In my mind I pictured myself crawling under the covers and bawling until Stephen comes home tomorrow.
Come 3 PM, I realized it was no where close to bedtime and we were going a little stir crazy. My mom suggested that we go to the park. So off we went, swiftly grabbing a few items we needed and forgetting a lot of others, like sun protection in the way of sunscreen (necessary evil) and bonnets. I knew being in the car would help him sleep too. Of course he was fussy on the way to the park, but once he got in that swing he was so happy! I felt so relieved. All my anxiety came out as hyper-excitement. As a mom with a very small baby who can't even sit in his own, things get boring fast. So we moved into the big swing and I swing with him in my lap. He loved it and the kids at the park loved him and D loved all the attention. Eventually my legs grew numb and we had to move on. He was extra fussy in the car but I knew he was tired, so I made up a new game: drive wherever and do what you can to not have to stop. If you're approaching a red light, get in the right hand lane; if you're going through a parking lot, keep turning for different exits; if you're approaching traffic, make a turn just before and discover something new. I got him to sleep and went to Chick-fil-A. Once he fell asleep, I felt the after shock of my anxiety; the nausea, headache, shakes, tears, like coming off a caffeine high. I could barely process the day and I knew it wasn't over yet. He woke up right as we got home and we were back to square one, except we were much closer to bedtime. I gave him some green beans (we started them this morning, he loved them, there are pics below) and he was happy on his own for a bit, long enough for me to catch my breath. Then we took a bath and D is now asleep in my arms. I want to put him down but then that means we are closer to sleep and closer to tomorrow and closer to five months and closer to a year and closer to him moving out for college! No matter how hard the days are, I wouldn't trade them for anything. Sure it would be nice for Stephen to be here to help, but then I would miss out on a cuddling period or a diaper change (yes, I cherish those). I know I am so lucky to experience bad days with Daxton. I love my baby and one day I will look back on this time and think nothing but melancholic thoughts that this phase has passed. I'm going to make sure to carpe diem.
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