On A New Style

I'm noticing my days are beginning to blur together. When asked for my best mom life moment this week, I couldn’t think of one. I’m realizing that the little moments I cherish as they’re happening are becoming lost in the passing of everyday. The negativities and stresses tend to block out the parts of my day that have brought me joy. 

I used to view blogging as a medium for me to write out something of true substance rather than a brief gallery of pictures or a summary of my day, because who is going to want to read that? I realized I was writing more for others than for myself. Then I started looking at what other people did with their blogs. I really appreciated the fact that they would write, regardless of the amount or quality of content. So this is what I have decided to model my blog after. I will try to blog every night so summarize the day and remember the good and the bad and reflect. I am saddened it took me so long to realize this, but I am so ready to share the positives of my life. If you’re thinking that this sounds incredibly annoying and you don’t care about my everyday life, then I encourage you not to read it.

On God's Hidden Blessings

Daxton just turned 4 months! Lucky for us, that means a 4 month sleep regression(check out this article that explains the dreaded 4 month sleep regression https://theollieworld.com/blogs/posts/the-dreaded-4-month-sleep-regression?mc_cid=38ef263dc8&mc_eid=994caaf284)! We've never had issues with getting him to sleep through the night, though he rarely slept during the day. We have found, through trial and error, that the more D sleeps during the day, the longer he sleeps at night. Unfortunately, we are losing our minds as all that we've worked for has become obsolete due to this regression. 

For the past few mornings, I've been woken up at 5 AM to a child who just won't go back to sleep. I am 100% sure he is still tired, but he FEELS rested and won't put himself back to sleep like he used to. Now if you know me, I'm not particularly kind before 9 AM, and downright cruel before 7 AM. I find myself sobbing on these mornings, praying that God will put a peace on my baby's heart so that I could even get just ONE more hour of sleep. I set him in the DockATot in bed with me to try to squeeze a little extra shut eye. I slowly drag out the wake up process we have set so that I can snooze another 15-30 minutes any chance I get. I become so angry with God for blessing my child with such an awareness that he doesn't want to sleep and miss anything. I yell to God asking what I'm getting out of this and why I'm being spread as thin as I am. 

This morning it hit me. God is giving me more time with my sweet baby. I was feeling extremely melancholic thinking about how my boy is growing up way too fast. I was getting so emotional wondering how on earth I would be able to handle watching him grow up, knowing one day he will no longer fit in my arms. Eventually, the smell of sweat and aftershave will replace the beautiful natural scent of his hair. But for now, God is saying, "Hey, you know time is fleeting, so get off your lazy butt and kiss your baby good morning." 

Once I realized this, I busted out the camera to capture the moment. Because time is fleeting. So I got off my lazy butt and kissed the heck out of this kid. Eventually, he did go back to sleep.

-T

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On Expectations, Priorities, and Failure

For many people, before having a baby, they just think how much they want a baby. When they get pregnant, it seems much more real and tangible, but you still have no idea what to expect, and how could you. Once that babe is born, everything changes. Priorities get rearranged, house roles are shifted, expectations are revisited. All that once was may no longer be. For some things, that's good and normal, healthy even. For others, not so much. 

Jobs

Both my husband and I went through a job change. I left my job. I took a permanent maternity leave. My husband lost his job, had two months of no work, and got a new job an hour away. He's is gone one less day a week (3 instead of 4), but he's still gone 11+ hours 3 of the 4 days he is home. Now, we have to figure out how to maintain a healthy family dynamic while seeing him 1 day a week. 

House Roles

This past December, Stephen and I attended a marriage conference. One of the topics was “Relationship Roles”; how you divide the things you do between the two people in the relationship, or in a family. Before baby, Stephen handled all the bills, I did most of the laundry, and we both split chores, took out the trash, and picked up the mail. Now, I have more free time to pay some bills, I have to do most of the chores, and I pick up the mail. Stephen does most of the laundry, takes out the trash on his way to work, and still handles making sure the big bills are paid.  On top of our already established roles, there are now new roles with a baby: diaper changes, baths, making sure everything is stocked (diaper bag, changing basket in our room, diaper drawer in nursery, etc.). We’ve managed to find a natural flow that works when Stephen is home and when he is not, which is an added struggle when trying to figure out roles.

Bills

There were no shortage of people to remind Stephen and I how expensive it would be to have a baby. What these people didn’t account for was the immense support we would receive from friends and family. Though we’ve barely had to pay a penny thus far for our wee one, we still had our normal bills to pay and no income in our household to do so. We combed through our finances and found things to cut and trim. I am so grateful for that period of our lives because we got rid of so many unnecessary things which allowed us to be more present in each other’s lives. We now have hospital bills added into our budget, and we’ve just now had to buy our first pack of diapers, three months in. I am so glad we were forced to reprioritize our bills so we could live a more intentional life. 

Chores

Now that I'm not working, I've taken on all the house chores, save taking out the trash and laundry. I somehow have to manage sweeping, vacuuming, organizing, cooking, dusting, filing, and general picking up while entertaining a three month old. It isn’t easy and I find myself so overwhelmed trying to manage it all, but like everyone posts on Instagram or FaceBook, the dishes can wait in the sink a little bit longer. However, with my anxiety, I need to get things done so that I can relax, unwind, and breathe. So I’m learning balance and mega-multitasking.

Meals

Oh, Lord! Please shed light on how this can be easier! Hubby and I used to love cooking in the kitchen together! We love experimenting with food and eating well, but it is so difficult to enjoy time together in when your baby is so demanding! It also doesn’t help that most nights, Stephen isn’t getting home until between 7 and 9. We resort to rice, potatoes, and pasta so much because they are quick, easy, and bear a lot of leftovers. I’m still figuring out how to have fun in the kitchen with my babe and my little babe. Really, any advice would be nice!

Personal Time

Personal time should be a number one priority. If either momma or daddy is broken, then baby won’t be looked after the way he should. Today, hubby had off from work, so he sent me to get a pedicure while he ran errands that I had on my list. Then, he manned nap time while I purged our house for Spring cleaning. I reorganized our storage closet and I feel so much better after having a day during which I had options. Stephen travels every weekend, and while that may be really rough on our family dynamic, he is able to have time to regroup and come home ready to take on whatever challenges we present him with. We make sure to prioritize our own self-care regimens so that we can best provide for our precious baby.

Sleep

The most repetitive piece of advice I got/get is to sleep when baby sleeps. But my baby doesn’t sleep during the day. So at night, I have to choose to forego the bit of stuff I could get done or sleep. Obviously, I choose to get a bit of stuff done, so I force sleep every morning. I take Daxton out of the cradle, put the Dock-a-Tot on the bed with me, give him his paci, and we go back to sleep. I do whatever i can to make our mornings as lazy as possible, so we can enjoy each other’s company and share smiles and cuddles. 

Relationship

When you have a baby, often times your relationship with your partner goes by the wayside. Life gets hard, a lot of things change, feelings become so overwhelming, anxiety grows, pressures mount, and expectations aren’t met. An incredible amount of couples end up separating after having a baby (a statistic I’m not going to look up) because they aren’t putting in the time they need to into that relationship anymore. Between work, caring for a baby, and life in general, the relationship with your partner gets put in the backseat and that makes each person feel uncared for and unappreciated. It is so important to not let your life be overcome by your baby. Your life isn’t just baby! I am a mom, but I am also a wife, daughter, sister, and friend. I love my baby, but I refuse to let motherhood define my life. My husband is important, my mother and father and sister are important, and it is important to learn to balance all these relationships rather than disregard them. 

Becoming a mom is definitely one of the hardest, scariest, most exciting things I’ve ever done, along with getting married and moving my life across the country. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but it took a while for me to be able to appreciate what I have and to figure out what works for our family. It;s okay that it took a while, because we got to figure it out as a family.

-T

On Other People With My Baby

Everyone loves babies! Even the coldest person's heart will melt when a baby giggles and coos. But just because everyone loves babies and wants to see or play with them, doesn't mean I'm obligated to allow it. Now I may be the one to sound cold by not putting on a show anytime someone says, "Oh! A baby!", but I know I make a valid point and I hope others will agree. 

First things first, I have GAD, or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This will manifest itself in many ways and different times, and not every situation is created equal. Growing up in LA, I was very much used to going somewhere, getting done what had to be done, and moving on my way. Git. 'Er. Done. But in the South, there is a completely different way of getting things done. A 20 minute LA Target trip may equal a 40 minute Southern Target trip, once you account for letting people park ahead of you, nodding to the cart guy, waving to the car letting you cross, saying hello to at least two other customers who you may or may not know, completing a conversation with your checkout clerk, and passing your cart to someone else coming in or putting it in the cart return, rather than leave it in the middle of the parking spot next to you. My social anxiety is on red alert every time I go out, and it's a bit higher with a baby. If I seem to be moving quickly and as if I don't have time, it's probably best not to stop me and try to rally me into a conversation. 

Second, if I look like I'm struggling and you want to help, then that would be awesome. But the way to help is NOT asking if I need you to hold my baby. This is not just a "first time mom" thing. This is a Stranger Danger thing. Do I believe that my neighbor is going to run off with my kid. Well, it's highly unlikely, but I'm definitely not going to roll the dice on that one. If someone reeks of cigarette smoke, I'm not going to judge you, but I'm not going to let you hold my kid either. And if you've just walked up to me out of nowhere, why on Earth would I just hand over my baby to load groceries! I can do about a million things with just one hand, so please don't "offer" to hold my baby.  

Third, small talk has never been my forte. As I said earlier, I'm a person who gets stuff done. I always have a million things to do and NEVER enough time to do them all. When people try to make small talk, my mind is already thinking of a million other more productive ways to spend my time. I don't have to sit in the middle of the frozen aisle listening to you tell me about how much caring for a baby has changed. I really would rather spend those 5 minutes of you repeating how beautiful his eyes are or how big he is on something like completing my grocery list so I can get him home for nap time. And what am I supposed to do when you tell me what is best for my child under the guise of "advice". Please be respectful of my time and my child's schedule and don't follow me around the store because I won't stop to listen to you. 

Fourth, of my baby is covered, it's for a reason. He's either cold, or it's too sunny, or he's sleeping, or I want him to sleep. I don't think it's polite to ask someone to lift the cover so you can see. If you say, "Oh, a baby!"  I'm invited to ask you if you would like to see, but I have no obligation to let you see my baby. Too often people have asked, and it constantly baffles me. I have never and would never ask a mom to do something that could potentially make her uncomfortable or annoyed. If my baby is covered, leave him be. 

Also, please, please, please do not remind me how quickly my son is going to grow up! I am very aware that my days with him as a baby are limited, and you drawing attention to that does the opposite to help that situation and makes me super emotional. Every morning, I stare at my son in melancholy knowing that all too soon, he will be too big for me to hold on my hip or to pull into the nook of my arm. Every morning, I fight tears because I don’t want him to grow up and deal with the terrors of the world, but to stay young and sweet and innocent forever. Please do not bring those emotions to the surface, because there is a strong possibility I will start crying, and being your fault, you will have to deal with it. 

Kids: you gotta love ‘em, you gotta have ‘em, but you also tend to get annoyed of them. My husband and I just went to a restaurant to eat tonight. Being a Wednesday, kids ate free. We immediately regretted our decision to visit on a Wednesday night, which is unfortunate because it is really our only night for date night. There were kids yelling at my baby, kids running into our car seat Daxton was sitting in, kids trying to touch Daxton, and kids just all around getting involved in ways they really shouldn’t. Yes, I know my baby is adorable and I also am aware that he looks like such fun to play with, but it is disrespectful to do so without permission. “But they’re just kids, they don’t know any better!” You’re right! It is the job of their parents or present caregiver to teach them respect as it pertains to their self and others. I will always make sure my son is completely respectful of all people to the best of his ability. If a child came up to me and said, “Oh, your baby looks so sweet, can I say hi?”, my heart would melt of joy and happiness. I would feel so respected and my heart would be touched. Of course I would say yes! But when a child just comes up and yells, “BABY!” to my son, I will roll my eyes in annoyance and think that his parents really need to teach him a thing or two about respect.

Finally, I have nicknames for Daxton; my husband has nicknames for Daxton. If you hear us call him something, WE ARE NOT INVITING YOU TO AS WELL. There are the typical nicknames like "Bubba" or "Dax" that are obvious for everyone to call him. My husband sometime calls him "Bug". One time, someone else called Dax "Bug", and it really hurt poor hubby's heart because it was no longer just their thing. I call Dax "Chunks" because, well, he's a chunka chunk. If everyone started calling him Chunks, it would stick and I really don't want him being called "Chunks" when he's 18. The biggest one is "Mr. Sweetface". I know, super cheesy, but my husband and I were OBSESSED with Jane the Virgin, so we stole it from there. But it's ours and it's special and one day, when he goes off to college or gets married, I'll call him "Mr. Sweetface", and he'll get annoyed and whine, "Mooooom!" That is ours and I would appreciate that it stays that way. 

I know I just complained this whole post. I stood on my soapbox and had my moment. All I'm asking for is the same respect I've always given moms and that moms should always receive. A mom usually knows what is best for her baby, and for the most part, the family dynamic needs to be respected and is not public business. So please, don't disrespect me. 

-T

On Establishing Yourself in Your 20's

NOTE: This post was originally titled "On Settling Down In Your 20's", but I didn't want anyone to get the false impression that I've "settled". I am so lucky and #blessed to be where I am today!

Upon moving to the South, I went in search of a cupcake shop. It is completely imperative that one has a local bakery from which they can order a dozen cupcakes anytime they see fit. I found a cute little shop just a town over, and the owner was so sweet. I handed her my debit card to pay. She took it and looked at the picture. It was a picture of my husband and I on our wedding day. She asked if it was me and I replied that it was. "Oh, you're too young to be married! How old are you?" I was 22. I am now 24 and I have been married 2.5 years and have a two-month-old son. Many people I talk to would say I'm so young to be starting my family. Many others started their families earlier than I did. Many couples get married early in life and don't have kids for a while. But I have been told a lot of different things by a lot of different people and I would like to share why I'm glad I have made the choices that led me to where I am today.

Perhaps there is an argument to be made that when you're so young, you don't actually know what you want in a spouse. I strongly disagree. Unless you've lived under a rock your whole life, you know what types of people there are in the world and you know which types of people you want to have in your life.

I met my husband in high school. He was a junior and I was a senior. We started dating October after I graduated high school. To say we have had a rocky relationship would be an understatement. There were so many challenges and many issues we each had to work through, but we knew we would always be there for each other. Our relationship isn't perfect, but his love for me is as unconditional as humanly possible, overshadowed only by the Father's love and equating to my parents' love. There is no one who could love me as he does and make me feel as important. I knew this from the beginning. I never have ever doubted his love. From the moment we began dating, I knew this could be forever, and that scared me. I spent so much time pushing him away, afraid to commit before I was "ready" but I realized it was more important for me to have him in my life. I fail to see how she has anything to do with the situations we were in. If I had met my husband in middle school, we may have gotten married even sooner. If I had met him in college, we may still have gotten married sooner. The time we put into our relationship prior to our marriage was what we felt was best, and no one else can have an opinion because no one else is a part of that relationship.

After so many years of waiting and wishing, we finally had a baby boy. He is everything to me and I love him so. I never knew such pure, deep love until I gave birth to my son. He is my flesh and blood and I get to care for him day and night. He depends on me to eat, to change him, to get dressed, to sleep, to bathe, and I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband and I are the perfect team, which I knew based on our past experiences in the 6 years we've been dating (because we are always dating). I am a mom at 24 and I wish it was sooner! I know God had a plan for me and this baby and my family and He knew I wasn't ready before this, be he knew I would be a great mom, no matter how young I am.

The most common reason people don't want to start their family is that they are enjoying their life as it is. That is so great! There is no pressure on society for anyone of any age to have kids or get married. Just because your friends are doing it, doesn't mean you have to! I'll be completely honest, I see friends who travel all the time, who go out often, who go to concerts or events every weekend, and I get a little green. I do miss those fun times when I could call a friend and spontaneously meet up. Now I have to plan hours ahead so that I can leave on time for the pedi. I have to make sure that whatever craziness the day holds for me that I'm back in time to put Daxton to sleep by 8 so he can sleep for 8 hours(UPDATE: We're up to 10 hours!). But I look at my son and I look at my husband and I think how lucky I am to have such a beautiful life I get to influence and a wonderful husband to stand by me and love me. No concert or vacation could possibly fulfill that place in my heart.

Some define happiness by the amount of money in their bank account or by their career. Some define it by their car and their house. I define by the amount of joy in my life. Joy is not of this world, but of the Lord. I get my joy from my answered prayers. I prayed that I would be fulfilled in my marriage. I prayed that I would have a beautiful, healthy child. I prayed that I would find a community of people to be a solid part of my life. I prayed for true friendships. I prayed for my relationships with my mother, father, and sister. I have seen God answer all these prayers and overflow my life with blessings. I experience true joy daily and I wouldn't trade any part of my life because I'm too young.

-T

On Complete Transparency

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Never has a verse been so powerful in my life. Though I didn't spend much time on it until (what I hope was) the climax of our tough season had passed, I feel like this is my new life verse. I would really like to share how Jesus has moved in our lives these past few months and how our family is now changed because of His blessings.

The biggest and most obvious blessing in our lives is our son, Daxton. We had been working on our marriage for a while and had really gotten to a good place and decided we wanted a baby. I went to see my OB and about a month later, I went back for my verification appointment! Throughout my pregnancy, I doubted if we were ready, questioned if we had rushed into our decision. My husband was always ready to reply that God obviously thought we were ready or we wouldn't be pregnant. That always put so much peace in my heart. A blessing within a blessing, Daxton wasn't due until the end of racing season. Literally, the very last day of racing season. My husband missed the last two races to stay home on baby watch, and my whole family was able to fly out in time to be there when Daxton was born (my dad arrived 5 hours before we went to the hospital!). Blessing in that was that we had round the clock help for the first few weeks since my mother-in-law came right after my mom left, two weeks after Dax was born.

A blessing in disguise: my husband lost his job a week and a half after Daxton was born. His team shut down and he was back on the market, looking for jobs, along with that entire team, when most jobs had been filled. My husband was out of work for two months, and we had a newborn! Our families were so instrumental in our survival during that time. Our friends rallied to bring us meals and would come help us whenever we needed it (I'm looking at you, Twin!). Our Pastor unknowingly delivered sermons week after week that renewed our hope and faith that God was working on something great in our lives. (Shameless plug: check out the Christmas Eve sermon from Elevation Church titled "Learning Hope the Hard Way"http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/learning-hope-the-hard-way/) My husband and I realized that God was chopping us down to our roots, pruning our lives, so that we would have room for new growth, for the new opportunities God would provide as we raise our son to be a Christ follower. We had been cut down to a stump, and we were just praying that a shoot would rise from our roots and bear fruit (Isaiah 11:1-4). We prayed as a family, individually, and each with our son.

I never truly understood the power of offering until this time. At the end of the year, our church challenges us to give sacrificially, separate from what we tithe, to aid in the expansion and growth of the church. Leading up to this offering, my husband and I would discuss what we wanted to give. We had concluded we would comfortably sacrifice a percentage of our savings without bankrupting ourselves. Well, the good Lord thought we could be challenged further. When the time came, our savings was almost depleted and we weren't receiving any income (my maternity leave was a permanent leave). My husband and I have a box on the mantle that we throw loose change and extra cash in for date nights and further dream vacations. We said that whatever was in the box was what would go to the church. That would pretty much be everything we had, save what we needed for bills, rent, and gas/groceries. There was $90 and it all went to the church. I couldn't help but think of the Poor Widow's Offering (Luke 21:1-4). A few weeks later, my husband got a job with a great team, some of whom even attend our church. He is going to be home more, his hours will be more predictable, and he was making what he was making before. On his first day, I prayed with Daxton that Dad would love his job and be excited to go to work everyday. That night, as we were getting in bed, Stephen looked at me and said, "Is it weird that I'm actually excited to go to work tomorrow?" I became so emotional and I knew that God had truly done something wonderful in our lives.

The last blessing I want to write about is that because of how God worked in our lives, I am able to stay home with my son. It will be tough, but it makes the most sense. For the first year of Daxton's life, while he breastfeeds and is still learning about the world, I will guide him as his mom. After the first year, I will probably be eager for a job, but Dax won't get much socially his first year and feeding/nursing would be too difficult. Also, I would have to make double what I was before to really make it worth the price of childcare. And that's if we can find a good place with an opening! Staying at home is going to be a positive challenge for me, but I will be there for his first steps, his first words, his first foods, his first tooth.

Because of how God has generously given to my family, I am going to spend this year giving back. I've had it on my heart for a while to get involved in leadership in the church. I highly doubt God sent me to a four-year Christian university to take so many Bible classes for nothing. He was working in my life even then. This year, I have decided to focus on the path I want to walk in the church. I have began to serve, I am starting a small group (eGroup), and I have my sights set even higher. I know God wants to use me, and I am going to Focus my Fight ("Work Your Window") on the church.

-T

On Mommying Through Anxiety, Depression, and Introversion

It's no secret that I have anxiety. I have dealt with this all my life, but it wasn't until recently that I learned how to control it instead of letting it control me. I spent my entire pregnancy in therapy, mentally preparing myself for the crazy adventure ahead. I have known mothers who have dealt with issues similar to mine. Some have stayed strong and overcome their obstacles. Many have given in and let their issues steal some of their joy in many forms. I'm going to share my story and hopefully it all comes together in a cohesive way that I can actually post this!

Confidence
Anxiety is my biggest issue. It has caused me to doubt myself all my life. My confidence has always been threatened and I have the hardest time making decisions of any caliber. I literally wrote (tried to write) a song in high school with the line "Confidence is something/ Of which I know nothing". I battled depression my sophomore year of high school. I began gaining weight and was really hard on myself. Because of my self-doubt, I am an introvert. Once I gain enough confidence in a situation, I will be the life of the party, but getting there is always a battle.

Prioritize Self Care
In order to be a mother who could balance my issues and raise my child successfully, I would have to make myself a priority. I need sleep, I need to eat, I need to self-soothe, I need to read, and I need "me time". I know what I need to do to help keep the anxiety monster lurking in the shadows. Beyond self care in terms of hygiene, you need to care for your emotions, mental well-being, and your soul. I find the best ways to do this are meditation, studying my Bible, blogging, and cuddling my baby every morning.

Surround Yourself with Support
From the beginning of my pregnancy, I started thinking of women in my life I wanted to influence me in my parenting. I have a solid group of women I can contact if I need emotional support or someone to keep me accountable for breastfeeding. I am honored and lucky to have been a nanny to a family in which the mother was such a positive influence and is still a wonderful support. One of my closest friends was an OB nurse and suffered through me constantly texting and calling with a gazillion questions about the health of my child, but she never left me hanging. My own mother is my rock and created for me a wonderful influence from the beginning of my life. As a devoted and adoring mother, I know the kind of pure love I can give and I will always call upon my mom in hard times.

Stay Busy
I mean, you know yourself and what you will benefit from, but I find that if I don't sit on my couch all day and make it a point to get out with Daxton, I feel so much more successful and productive. When I'm on the go, I'm not thinking about my anxiety or depression. Every time someone coos or sees at Dax, it reminds me how joyful it is to be a mom. Every time someone asks how he's doing, I jump at the chance to brag how he is sitting up, sleeping through the night, and growing so strong! Daxton loves going out and exploring with me. It's so wonderful to create these memories together.

Be Lazy
I know I just said to stay busy, but balance your life! Every morning, D and I spend about an hour cuddling in bed. He practices sitting, he will lay in the nook of my arm, we hold hands, we play and laugh. It gets me excited to wake up in the morning! If you know me at all, you know that I am the furthest possible opposite of a morning person. The Lord doesn't bless me until about 9:00 AM. But allowing myself time to devote to doing nothing but spending lazy time with my son is such a blessing (#blessed). Many more moments to treasure!

Binge Watch/Read
Sometimes, you can't quell the beast. Know when to check out. I HATE checking out, but when I nurse, I will binge a show (currently Friends!) and allow myself some time to relax and not think about anything difficult. If I'm nursing at night, I'll read on my phone (The Chemist is SO good!) so that I can stay relaxed in the dark and focus my mind on one thing so it doesn't go wandering. Also, if anyone deals with difficulty falling asleep because of a wandering mind, I listen to movie scores and classical music so that I can focus on the instruments and let my mind drift to the music. It works!

Sleep!
I know we've all heard it a million times, but sleep when baby sleeps. I need to CONSTANTLY remind myself. Since Dax doesn't sleep too much, I don't get too much done. When he does sleep, I think of all the things I want to do, but if I don't get enough sleep, my forces wear down and the anxiety can become too overwhelming to keep in. Anxiety needs sleep!

Let Go
Sometimes, you can't help it. Literally just this night, I had a small incident. Long story short, I slammed the bathroom door in my husband's face and he was holding my son. I felt like a monster. I fell to the bathroom floor and wailed. I couldn't show my face to my son. I felt like he would hate me. It didn't help that he was crying. I knew I had been too strong for too long and I just let it out. I went out and held Dax and apologized and put him to sleep. I discussed with my husband that I'm not the type of person who needs to be calmed during those times. I'm capable of calming myself, and I'm aware of how crazy I'm being. If I'm given my space, I can get over it and move on.

It's so incredibly important to figure out what works for you and your family. Whether you're a mom or a dad, discuss with your partner what your needs are and how you can help each other. So often, we think we know our partners needs, but it's okay if we don't. We just need to remember that our partners are there to help us out. Communicate and you're golden!

-T